I had to get up and leave the area where I was studying because this guy sitting near me was so cute that I could barely breathe, let alone remember the difference between Homo habilis and Homo erectus. He looked like a cute, twenty-something, Billy Bob Thornton. Damn him and his cuteness for making me feel like a perverted old freak.
You Can Call Me Mrs. Robinson
September 4th, 2008
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Categories:cobwebs in my privates?, getting my learn on, hell is for single people, I have more batteries for my vibrators than Too $hort h
Tagged:
Just another Manic Tuesday
September 2nd, 2008
- It’s a good thing this week is short because I don’t think I could handle five days like today.
- I would love to do something about my terribly misshapen haircut and disgusting roots but that requires money. BOO!
- I still don’t know how I’m going to buy my last text book.
- Burst into tears (thank god, ALONE, in my car) just before work.
- I am a cotton headed ninny muggin.
- I could eat an entire box of feelings macaroni and cheese right now. Good thing I’m broke so I can’t make that happen! Which is sad because I’m pretty sure mac n’ cheese is all of two cents.
- Saved by a co-worker: I almost had to choose between a binder clip and two plastic knives (as chopsticks) to eat my spinach salad for lunch.
- Went for a six hour hike with my dad on Saturday that covered a ridiculous amount of elevation. He chose the hike, but I got really worried about halfway through, when it was too late to do anything about climbing (and then down) the dry rock creek bed.
- One drink after hiking for 6 hours will turn you crazy. Fun crazy, but crazy.
- It’s a good thing I don’t have internet access from my cell, otherwise I’d probably have posted a personal ad to craigslist, penned by my vagina.
- Chocolate fountains are fun.
- Finding this t-shirt made my day. Not that I can buy it, but just knowing it’s there makes my day. The Onion rules.
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Categories:getting my learn on, hell is for single people, I've had better mornings, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, I’ve lost that loving feeling, list, OH MY HORRORS, too bad I don't have mental health coverage, too busy, Uncategorized
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RNC
September 1st, 2008
Me: Ew. What’s wrong with his face?
Dad: He’s a Republican.
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Categories:Dad
Tagged:face·RNC
Happy Birthday Love!
August 31st, 2008
Today is my dear friend Stephanie’s birthday. I am sad that we aren’t able to celebrate her birthday for another month. BOO!
Steph collects cookie jars so I was extremely excited when I found her THE COOLEST COOKIE JAR ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. It’s too fucking awesome to ship it because I would literally die if it were hurt in the process. So Stephanie will have this picture to get excited about until I’m able to deliver it in person.
Super Happy Birthday wishes Stephanie. Love you madly, hope the next month goes by quickly!!! xoxo
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Categories:birthday, friends, Uncategorized
Tagged:cookie jar·John Deere·the bomb
My Conversion Story
August 28th, 2008
I called my sister this morning to tell her that Fucked Up Chick said, “Tampons from the dollar store sound scarier than the bear!”
My sister told me I wouldn’t have to worry about buying feminine hygeine products if I started using GladRags. I have a few more years of hiking before my full Granola transformation is complete. This will mean wearing Tevas with dresses, no long tweezing my eyebrows and giving up deoderant.
Luckily for those who are reguarly in contact with me, I’m not there yet.
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Categories:Granola transformation, love my sister, things I'd rather do than homework
Tagged:
Lists, lists, LISTS!
August 27th, 2008
It’s only the second week of school and I’m too freaking busy to write complete sentences or coherent paragraphs. Have some list!
- Last night on a hike we (sister, niece and I) had our first bear incident. We didn’t see it…but heard it growl from 30 feet away. Back in the parking lot we talked to some nice mountain bikers who saw a black bear close to where we heard the growling. SCARY!
- When I related the story to my mother she asked, “Nice mountain bikers? Like give-them-your-phone-number nice?”
- I slept like total shit last night.
- Today I fell asleep while taking notes in class.
- I scheduled a few night classes in hope of meeting adults. That hope has died. If I want to meet adults in school I’m going to have to move to another state.
- 7:00am class + night class = MY OWN PERSONAL HELL
- There is a girl in one of my classes so young I could be her MOTHER.
- If the teenage newlyweds (who just married 3 weeks ago) trace shapes on each other’s back and tongue kiss at the end of class this week I’m going to throw my text book at them.
- If you don’t yet read Cake Wrecks, get your ass over there. It is concentrated awesome.
- I find it irritating when I have to click through my reader to read a complete blog post.
- Bummed out that my trip to the bay area next month will be less than 72 hours. And that one of my BFFs will be out of town. WAH.
- Sofa king broke right now that I’m contemplating buying tampons at the dollar store.*
- Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams reunited? This makes me way happier than is probably healthy.
- The Show Me Your Genitals video is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. GENITALIA!
*Did I really just admit this to the internets?
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Categories:list, love my sister, too busy, Uncategorized
Tagged:
Random List
August 25th, 2008
- 7:00am class is fucking early.
- I didn’t think it was possible to have a worse massage than the angry Russian massage therapist who took a no-pain-no-gain attitude that left me with bruises all over my back. THEN, I found out there is something worse: being “pet” for one hour. It was more like a really long application of oil; which doesn’t seem so bad because it is hella dry here, but it was so weak it actually made me angry. Good thing it was free! Though it made me desperately miss Korean women with strong hands.
- After living here for one year it’s still weird to see married couples who don’t look old enough to drive.
- It’s annoying that there are bridal advertisements next to my school logo on mouse pads.
- And church buildings on a community college campus? Separation of church and state at its finest!
- I forgot how totally awesome The Murmers “You Suck” is.
- Wildfires are scary.
- I’m having a Zip-a-Dee but I wish it were an Organic Trader Joe’s Lollipop.
- Good thing I’m going to the OC in a few weeks!
- I bought a text book online and got pissed off when the seller sent me a message THREE DAYS LATER to let me know they sold my book locally and would appreciate some positive feedback. Know what I’d appreciate? MY MOTHER FUCKING TEXT BOOK.
- I feel like crying.
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Categories:list, stuff I put in my mouth, Utahrds
Tagged:
Note to Self
August 22nd, 2008
Stop leaving fruit on the front seat of your car while you’re in class because boiling lava hot apricots, bananas and plums are nasty.
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Categories:crap, I miss sleeping
Tagged:
Dirty Soul
August 21st, 2008
What I didn’t share in yesterday’s post is that I have taken Ambien before. In fact, I stopped using it two weeks ago because I don’t want to dependent on it. Lizgwiz commented about a friend who takes Ambien and emails people in the middle of the night and doesn’t remember it, even after her friends ask why she’s sending weird emails. That right there, contributed to why I stopped. I want to sleep better and without the help of pharmaceuticals. Also, I don’t want to be fucking looney tunes amnesia emailer because WHO KNOWS what kind of shit I might say or do all zombie-like.
Before general anesthesia for my back surgery I was given Versed. I don’t remember anything after the Versed, but my dad was there to witness me say this to the anesthesiologist: “There’s no cleaning your soul.” Who knows what the fuck that means. I don’t want to be emailing my filthy, impossible to clean soul to my friends in the middle of the night…goodbye Ambien, hello Melatonin.
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Categories:All About Pants, overshare, The Crazy
Tagged:
Observations From My First Day as a Full Time Student in Zion
August 20th, 2008
A couple of my classmates got into a lively discussion about sleeping pills before class. Here are a few highlights*.
“You take Ambien too? Pill poppers unite!”
“I have such bad insomnia that sometimes I still can’t sleep.”
“Do you hallucinate when you take it? I totally think alligators are all around me and eating my legs. And last night? I saw little fairies flying everywhere.”
“Sometimes I sleep walk and eat a bunch of food.”
There was a club at a tabling event promising happiness in dating, celestial marriage and choir. (WHO WANTS TO JOIN A CULT?!) Their ticket to lure prospective club members was Otter Pops. Are we five-years-old? OTTER POPS? I couldn’t even make this shit up.
I had to drop my fun elective to take a math class so I will be prepared to take chemistry next semester. Boo. I hate being a grown up.
On the up: my math class rules. It’s like the Fight Club of Mathematics. (I’m not even kidding.) It’s a good thing my sister warned me about my teacher. He is very into math. LIKE REALLY INTO MATH. He’s the type of person that I imagine would not only understand an algebraic joke that requires solving an equation for a humorous answer: he would also fucking love it. Though I’m pretty sure he’s never actually laughed. Or smiled. Thank god my sister did an impression of him because I would have burst into laughter and started looking around for the hidden cameras when he hiked up his pants and strutted in front of the classroom, looking hella fierce.
*This was all said by ONE PERSON. So I guess that makes it more of a lecture on the joy of sleeping pills unless you count the other participants “Uh-huh’ing” as the over-share occurred.
→ 17 Comments
Categories:getting my learn on, mid-thirties teenage angst
Tagged:college·hardcore math·students·Utah
