Entries Tagged as 'Uncategorized'
Today is my dear friend Stephanie’s birthday. I am sad that we aren’t able to celebrate her birthday for another month. BOO!
Steph collects cookie jars so I was extremely excited when I found her THE COOLEST COOKIE JAR ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. It’s too fucking awesome to ship it because I would literally die if it were hurt in the process. So Stephanie will have this picture to get excited about until I’m able to deliver it in person.
Super Happy Birthday wishes Stephanie. Love you madly, hope the next month goes by quickly!!! xoxo
Categories:birthday, friends, Uncategorized
Tagged:cookie jar·John Deere·the bomb
It’s only the second week of school and I’m too freaking busy to write complete sentences or coherent paragraphs. Have some list!
- Last night on a hike we (sister, niece and I) had our first bear incident. We didn’t see it…but heard it growl from 30 feet away. Back in the parking lot we talked to some nice mountain bikers who saw a black bear close to where we heard the growling. SCARY!
- When I related the story to my mother she asked, “Nice mountain bikers? Like give-them-your-phone-number nice?”
- I slept like total shit last night.
- Today I fell asleep while taking notes in class.
- I scheduled a few night classes in hope of meeting adults. That hope has died. If I want to meet adults in school I’m going to have to move to another state.
- 7:00am class + night class = MY OWN PERSONAL HELL
- There is a girl in one of my classes so young I could be her MOTHER.
- If the teenage newlyweds (who just married 3 weeks ago) trace shapes on each other’s back and tongue kiss at the end of class this week I’m going to throw my text book at them.
- If you don’t yet read Cake Wrecks, get your ass over there. It is concentrated awesome.
- I find it irritating when I have to click through my reader to read a complete blog post.
- Bummed out that my trip to the bay area next month will be less than 72 hours. And that one of my BFFs will be out of town. WAH.
- Sofa king broke right now that I’m contemplating buying tampons at the dollar store.*
- Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams reunited? This makes me way happier than is probably healthy.
- The Show Me Your Genitals video is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. GENITALIA!
*Did I really just admit this to the internets?
Categories:list, love my sister, too busy, Uncategorized
Tagged:
Your heart has to be incredibly black not to dig Willy Wonka. Especially when performed entirely by children.
Why do they have to close at 11:00pm?
Confession: I’m about to go all granola. Please shake some sense into me if I start sporting a giant turd of a dreadlock.
First half of Sunday. Vintage Coats & Clarke pattern found here.
Second half of Sunday. Embroidery has become my favorite addiction. Vintage Coats & Clarke’s pattern found here.
Categories:crafty, friends, Uncategorized
Tagged:bird·embroidery·flower·greasy spoon·hiking·Utah·Wonka
- Next week I start school and will no longer be able to make it to Project Runway Wednesday. BOO!
- The last two guys I dated had the same name and both drove Jeeps. Weird.
- I just started embroidering and I’m hooked! My first two projects were Sublime Stitching patterns…lungs (which I’d photograph if I weren’t so lazy) and roses.
- My next embroidery project will be this sampler. I’m thinking pillow. My sister is going to love it.
- Today my niece said, “Don’t. Talking. YOU.” I’m not sure how I feel about that.
- Twenty-four hours doesn’t seem like enough and I’m not even in school yet. I am so screwed.
- My uncle and aunt visited from the bay area on Sunday night. We weren’t able to spend very much time together and seeing them made me feel extremely homesick.
- I had a bad dream last night about an old coworker. Pretty sure it was my subconscious punishing me for saying she dressed her kids like baby hookers. But she totally did!
- I’m afraid to touch myself. Perhaps I should take a cue from the search phrases that land people here? Such as: masturbating with pillow or she masturbated so quietly that no one could hear?
- Did you know that the Ford Taurus is a luxury vehicle? Neither did I. Because it isn’t.
Categories:crafty, Uncategorized
Tagged:
Today I participated in the first annual Salt Lake City Zombie Walk. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to properly convey my response: IT WAS THE BEST FUCKING THING I’VE EVER DONE IN UTAH! My voice is hoarse from moaning my way through SLC but it was 100% worth it. Super awesome thanks to dropdeadchris for kickin’ it with my undead style!
I woke up giddy and excruciatingly happy. Very similar to how it felt to wake up knowing you were going to Disneyland as a little kid.
My mother saw me wearing my moomoo and putting sponge rollers into my hair. She exclaimed, “You’re leaving the house like THAT?!” I didn’t even have on my makeup yet.
Shortly after completing my zombie makeup with some homemade blood, I crept into my mother’s bathroom and started tapping on her shower door. “Uuuuuuuu. Brraaaainns.”
She told me to go wake my father up for church. He wasn’t very pleased.
I could tell that both of my parents were thinking, “Zombies? Fake blood? Where did we go wrong???” They weren’t about to spoil the moment; my mother said she hadn’t heard me giggle so much, or seen me so happy, since the Christmas BEFORE I moved to Utah.
Categories:BRAINS!, I want my fucking zombies, SLC FINALLY Owns!, Uncategorized, undead is the new sexy, zombies or bust
Tagged:BRAINS!·SLC Zombie Walk '08·Undead·zombies
I received a postcard from a friend last week that said, “I pretend you’re on a really long vacation…it is easier that way.” It made me cry a little, but I’m trying to keep the same mindset.
Here are a few awesome things, unique to Utah, that I’m putting in my Utah Vacation File…
My almost-two-year-old niece. She drew this super awesome picture of a “boogie” this week. Watching her grow blows my mind.
Old school bff, Stephanie; we’ve been friends for twenty years! I love her butt. How freaking cute are her kids?
Religious stickers at the grocery store. No explanation necessary.
Theatrical releases of Mormon movies. The Errand of Angels will be in theaters shortly. I don’t know much about it…other than it’s about sister missionaries and watching it would make me vomit. This doesn’t seem to bother people who’ve lived here for a long time, but I find it FUCKING WEIRD. All sorts of creepy religious movies and my motherfucking zombies are no where to be found? Total crap.
Freaky modest clothing shops for people who need longer sleeves and less legs. So much better than the alternative Ho’s in Training shops I’m used to in California.
My Grandma.
Cheap Holly Hobbie rip off stenciled public restrooms.
Religious statues, ripe for the molesting!
My parent’s cat…who has become my cat. My jewelry, pacifier, tampon thieving cat. He is so damn naughty.
Categories:friends, I miss sleeping, I want my fucking zombies, it's called sarcasm, jack jack, Uncategorized, Utahrds
Tagged:
Last night my mom used motherly voodoo to trick in me into fetching my camera, when all I wanted to do was sit with my feet in a baby pool and pretend I couldn’t understand my family. Sort of like being in high school, only I’m 32 now and live in my parent’s basement. In case you don’t know what motherly voodoo is, it’s another word for passive aggressive guilt: the foundation of families everywhere! At least that’s what I told myself when I took a swig of vodka in my closet before I rushed back upstairs, camera in hand.
Thank you so very much to everyone who commented on yesterday’s roll call! You all truly brightened a very shitty day.
Categories:Uncategorized
Tagged:
I traveled back in time on Saturday night to 1995! All with the help of Jägermeister AND Goldschläger.
It all started with “real” (alcohol percentage) beer from California which I alternated with “water”…also known as light beer. Then came the sip of Jager from someone’s Carl’s Jr. cup, no ice. That is some hardcore shit, yo! But that was just a sip. Then there were the Goldschlager shots. I can testify to the cinnamon-y goodness being a wee bit over powering. But Diet Mountain Dew seemed to really help that issue. Yes, I just admitted to shooting Goldschläger and Diet Mountain Dew. God bless Utah and their inaccessibility of booze that make booze so appealing!
We played Apples to Apples which is now my favorite new game OF EVER. I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants on their living room floor.
My favorite quote of the night was when Chris yelled, “Somebody get in here and give me a sponge bath!” It is impossible not to love that. IMPOSSIBLE!
I was pretty pissed off at myself when I realized I had forgotten my camera. Luckily, Aimee brought hers, and I took about a million pictures with it. I’m sure the photos all really super awesome because my photographic abilities increase exponentially when I start taking shots. It’s too bad we weren’t able to get photographic evidence of the party that their next door neighbors were having. It was like mariachi band meets rave meets house party. It was SO LOUD! And big! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a house party that big. And I used to live in Oakland, so I’ve seen some shit. Frankly, the loud ass party made me miss California. It was damn fun to watch and listen from Sue’s back patio.
Weekends like that make my many weekends of hermit-dom worth it. Who needs a boyfriend when I have such an incredibly hilarious adoptive family? Seriously love them stupid.
Categories:barfing rainbows, friends, happy happy joy joy, holy rad, Uncategorized
Tagged:
If I ever have kids, I hope no one overhears me in a TJ Maxx dressing room and thinks, “Holy crap, WHAT A BITCH!”
A mother entered the dressing room and bombarded her daughter with the following. This was all said within five minutes, the mother barely had time to breath with all the nagging and didn’t allow her daughter to get in more than a mumble.
Hurry up!
Put this on. Take that off.
Ew. That makes you look big.
Have I told you you are huge?
Open for me!
HURRY UP.
Come here.
Come out this way.
You better get that on.
I SWEAR.
Pull down your shirt.
Do this!
OK. Lemee see.
You are doing it wrong!
Unbutton that.
COME OUT!
Are you done?
What?! You just BARELY took that off?
HURRY UP
I’m so very observant I didn’t realize I was making an entirely green purchase until I was at the cash register. Maybe I should pay more attention to what I’m buying and less to mothers keeping future therapists in business? Naw.
Categories:Uncategorized
Tagged:
My mother emailed me a link to this video and said that my niece and I can work on this one next year.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRJxJdgc4Ng&hl=en&fs=1]
Now I’m all, “Whhhhhhhhaaat? I think my mum’s gone crazy.”
Here is a super charming flier I saw for a hip hop party at Albertson’s in St. George.
I didn’t even know they had hip hop in St. George! Stephanie and I totally would have gone, except for that whole nasty stomach flu. Boo! Snapped this picture when we ran to the store to grab me some Pedialyte. Yummers.
Categories:Uncategorized
Tagged:
