Entries Tagged as 'too bad I don't have mental health coverage'
September 16th, 2009 · 7 Comments
“I suffer no illusions that this will be an easy process. It will be hard. But I also know that nearly a century after Teddy Roosevelt first called for reform, the cost of our health care has weighed down our economy and the conscience of our nation long enough. So let there be no doubt: health care reform cannot wait, it must not wait, and it will not wait another year.”
– President Barack Obama, February 24, 2009
I hope and pray that health care reform change begins ASAP. Unfortunately I fear that will not happen.
After watching the President’s address to the joint session of Congress on Health Care I found myself extremely disenchanted: not with anything Mr. President said (he was quite inspiring), I was disheartened to hear the booing and yelling from the Republican side of Congress and the very inappropriate outburst from Rep. Joe Wilson. If Congressional members cannot express feelings and ideas in a civil manner it is no wonder American citizens are not capable of positive political discourse. I have started to close myself off politically because nothing positive comes from sharing my thoughts and feelings. There is no exchange of ideas and principles, only yelling and bickering. We can’t even talk to each other anymore! We are surrounded by shocking and distasteful beliefs, actions, and tactics. My greatest fear is that the political shenanigans between the two political parties will prevent any real change or progress.
The previous paragraph was brought to you by the grief and emotional eruption resulting from receiving the following letter from the hospital where I received my D&C in February. After five months of consistent payments they mailed me this:
“***FINAL NOTICE***
This is our final effort. We value your patronage and want you as a patient. But, as much as we regret, your account may be placed with an outside agency for collection unless full payment is made within the next ten (10) days.”
BULLSHIT! They do not value my patronage or want me as a patient. If they did, they wouldn’t be such pricks. The phone calls to them are nothing short of horrific. I swear the call center representatives at the hospital were direct hired DMV employee rejects with anger and rage issues. I know it’s probably an error (I hope) and I will call them shortly to attempt resolution, but I am not looking forward to it anymore than I would look forward to a colonoscopy.
Receiving that letter really struck a chord in me. I am sick and fucking tired of all the bullshit associated with our health care and the political responses to the possibilities of change. So I did what any normal American would do, I wrote a letter to the President. I was going to email it but I think intent can be lost in the current electronic shuffle. So I’m rocking it old school and sending my letter via snail mail.
Categories:Anxiety, Assholes, Customer Service Bullshit, I’ve lost that loving feeling, dumb, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, miscarriage, overshare, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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I’ve been having fitful and frustrating dreams lately. While we were planning the wedding I wasn’t able to think about my miscarriage very much. Now that the wedding has passed and what would have been my due date is approaching, I seem to be having more and more dreams about babies.
Over the weekend I had a dream that Mike and I were at a Schlitterbahn Waterpark. (Random? Yes.) We were at the top of a large waterslide when I started going into labor: it was very unnerving, especially when the teenage lifeguard delivered the baby. In my dream the baby was born safe and healthy. The next part of the dream was me at home with the baby and I couldn’t seem to hold the baby correctly. I would be walking around with my infant in my arms and it would slip out. This happened a few times and when I would not be able to hold the baby safely it would gently fall onto a bed or sofa. Even though it was all a dream, I woke up feeling a serious sense of failure because I couldn’t even hold my own baby without dropping it…which was bizarre to feel when I was awake since I don’t have a baby.
Today I saw a car with TWO “Baby on Board” signs. I have always found Baby on Board signs pretentious and annoying because if they didn’t have their stupid sign up warning me to be careful around their car, I would totally demolish it with my shitty driving skills. WTF? I noticed the driver (mother) was smoking a cigarette with a little baby girl in the backseat (I only knew because pink threw up all over that backseat) and an elementary school aged boy in the front seat. I wish I didn’t get so upset, but I hate seeing people abuse their kids. It seemed especially horrible since she posted fucking Baby on Board signs all over her back window and bumper. I wanted to jump out of my car at a stoplight and save those kids because she obviously doesn’t deserve them.
Categories:Anxiety, I've had better mornings, OH MY HORRORS, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, overshare, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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My parents are on Facebook and it freaks me out. I don’t have any links between this website and Facebook so I still have a place where I can speak openly, but I still feel WEIRD.
It’s been a while since my mother entered the world of Facebook. I knew she was using (HA, HA) because she kept mentioning it in when I was around without specifically asking me why we weren’t friends because that’s how my family rolls: dysfunctional!
After months of ignoring passive aggressive Facebook chatter, this morning I received a friend request from my dad. He and I have always had a different relationship than my mother and I and it took me about two seconds before deciding to accept his request. I feel a little bad. This isn’t exactly news since I make feeling bad a hobby. HELL, I’m a damned professional! I don’t know if it is from my religious upbringing or my middle-child-ness, but if I were a super hero my power would likely be GUILT.
So now I feel like I should go through my Facebook crap and clean things out so as not to offend my parents, which is how I rationalized not being connected to them on there before, but I don’t want to have to watch who I am or pretend I’m something I’m not. I’m the foul-mouthed middle child who posts suggestive pictures of myself with Brigham Young statues or makes vomit hand signals while holding a Holy Temple book in the middle of the LDS section of the local bookstore. I also rant and rave about weirdness and living in Utah gives me PLENTY to rant about.
How many of you are connected to your parents on social networking websites? Am I the only one experiencing parental anxiety? HELP!
Categories:Anxiety, Childhood Cult, OH MY HORRORS, confession, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, my dysfunctional family is better than yours, too bad I don't have mental health coverage, where's my medicine?
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When Mike gets the mail in our enormous apartment complex he sings Postal Service’s “This place is a prison, and these people aren’t your friends…” That’s how I feel when I go to my OBGYN’s office. That waiting room is fucking HELL. The mindless receptionist took one look at my chart and said, “You need to go talk to billing.” She used the tone I would use if I were talking to an animal that just pissed on my couch. I told her I called and spoke with their billing department that morning and arranged to pay a small portion of the large balance*. She made a huffy noise and I went to find a seat.
I hate that waiting room. Being surrounded by pregnant women and their significant others is a bloody nightmare. Sitting in the same room where we waited to hear what came next after seeing our still baby inside of me, is fucking rough. The room was packed and I sandwiched myself between two very pronounced baby bumps. Shortly after the receptionist started calling my name. She began explaining to a pregnant woman near the door that I needed to go to the billing department. When she realized she was talking to the wrong person she just repeated louder that I needed to see the billing department IMMEDIATELY. So I did. They wanted me to make a payment on my balance then make a co-pay at the end of my doctor’s visit…um, BITE ME. After settling my bill I returned to the time out area waiting room and sat wishing I’d packed a flask.
On my walk home I found myself doing the same thing that Marty wrote about here: the game of what ifs. Trying to figure out where I went wrong: maybe it was the Diet Crush I drank on occasion but didn’t realize had caffeine (why is there caffeine in orange soda anyway)? Maybe I should have been more careful about not lifting heavy objects? I should have listened to my sister when she told me not to shovel the driveway. I should have taken it easier….
Even with all this, I feel a little bit better today. Mike and I have a fun weekend planned and I’m not even angry it’s raining outside and ruining my walk (anymore).
* When I called to make arrangements for paying off my balance the woman told me they would not be able to accept small payments and I needed to pay in full – wouldn’t that be nice?! That wasn’t nearly as bad as when she stated, “You’re pregnant” while trying to figure out why I was billed for my 1st prenatal visit 2 months later, instead of at the end. I had to tell her the freaking bills were due to my miscarriage and D&C. Cue crying.
Categories:Assholes, Customer Service Bullshit, fuck you mother nature, miscarriage, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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Sometimes I feel like everything will be OK. Living in an area with an enormous amount of pregnant women and/or new babies is difficult. We had a great day yesterday…I hadn’t cried all morning, then on our way home from breakfast and hanging out with sister and niece we passed a billboard for LDS hospital that said something like “New rooms for new moms” with a couple cradling their infant. Cue hysterical sobbing.
Categories:Utahrds, confession, miscarriage, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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Rather than detail how extremely shitty and stressful the past week has been, here is a list of things that have been making me happy. Just a few more days and this Mercury Retrograde shit will be over. THANKFUCKINGGOD.
- My grandma’s health appears to be on the mend. Her spirits are up and she’s acting like herself. They are still running tests but her doctors think her medications may have been out of whack.
- Receiving a package in the mail from my super fab BFF Stephanie! D.I. treasure galore! Woot woot!
- Crafters for Obama. Crafting for change never looked so fucking good!
- Spending time with my adoptive family and gay boyfriend. (We even tricked gay boyfriend into his second trip to D.I. AND he actually had fun!!)
- I found my Halloween costume! Never thought I’d be so excited to wear knickers (the shorts variety, not panties, folks!), but they are damn cute! And they look mighty fine with my new boots.
- Talking through some emotional bullshit with Suzanne, followed by some crafty, button-ring making fun!
- Moving my friendship with Megan to the sleepover friend level, playing tarot cards and crystals!
- Roasting marshmallows over a fire. Further proving my lifelong curse: only attracting smoke and assholes.
- Watching the “Who Pooped the Bed?” episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
- Some guy stranger from namelessdatingwebsite just sent me a message saying, “I may even be able to show you things to hold back your gag reflex.” Let’s hear it for oral sex jokes before knowing each others names!
- Britney Spears’ new song, “Womanizer.” Stop judging me!
Categories:All About Pants, grams, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, list, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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Did anyone else have a particularly crap Monday this week? Mine was so disappointing, especially after an unbelievably upbeat weekend.
My math teacher is in the habit of hanging on to our homework and tests FOREVER. So long, that I asked whether or not we would be receiving any of them back (he’s yet to return ANY of our homework). We took test #3 before receiving test #2 back. Turns out I totally bombed test #2, which would have been really fucking nice to know before taking test #3. Especially since math is a subject where concepts build upon one another and now I’m freaked out that I may have bombed the most recent test (which I wouldn’t fucking know because he hasn’t graded mine yet…though he did grade the majority of the rest of the class – WTF man?!), when I could have worked on misunderstood concepts if my teacher wasn’t so fucking lazy, and did his goddamned job.
I spent the better part of the morning feeling really crushed and did a semi-decent amount of crying. (Thank god for clear mascara gel – not that it mattered by the end of the day because even though my lashes looked pretty good, I still looked like someone had punched me in the face and rubbed lemon juice into my eyes.)
My dismal math scores led me to the (very adult, very disappointing) decision to cancel my trip to St. George this weekend. I seriously need to buckle down and do a sick amount of studying and I know that I won’t be able to do that if I’m out of town, having fun, as planned with Stephanie. Even though I know I need to stay home, I’m so bummed I can hardly stand it. While talking it over with my sister I started bawling. While breaking the news to Stephanie I started bawling. While thinking about it in the car I started bawling. (Notice a pattern?)
I just feel like shit for disappointing Stephanie. We haven’t seen each other since the 4th of July and we’re both lonely for each other. I hate this. I’m hoping today will be better and I’ll feel like less of a failure – in school and my personal life. The general ick of yesterday began to seep into other aspects of my life and suddenly I was an insecure cotton-headed ninny muggin. And it was about shit that I have NOTHING to worry about. Sometimes I really hate having feelings.
Now come on, commiserate with me about your shitty Monday and help me feel better, would ya?
Categories:Assholes, I've had better mornings, crap, frumpasaurus, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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- It’s a good thing this week is short because I don’t think I could handle five days like today.
- I would love to do something about my terribly misshapen haircut and disgusting roots but that requires money. BOO!
- I still don’t know how I’m going to buy my last text book.
- Burst into tears (thank god, ALONE, in my car) just before work.
- I am a cotton headed ninny muggin.
- I could eat an entire box of feelings macaroni and cheese right now. Good thing I’m broke so I can’t make that happen! Which is sad because I’m pretty sure mac n’ cheese is all of two cents.
- Saved by a co-worker: I almost had to choose between a binder clip and two plastic knives (as chopsticks) to eat my spinach salad for lunch.
- Went for a six hour hike with my dad on Saturday that covered a ridiculous amount of elevation. He chose the hike, but I got really worried about halfway through, when it was too late to do anything about climbing (and then down) the dry rock creek bed.
- One drink after hiking for 6 hours will turn you crazy. Fun crazy, but crazy.
- It’s a good thing I don’t have internet access from my cell, otherwise I’d probably have posted a personal ad to craigslist, penned by my vagina.
- Chocolate fountains are fun.
- Finding this t-shirt made my day. Not that I can buy it, but just knowing it’s there makes my day. The Onion rules.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, OH MY HORRORS, Uncategorized, getting my learn on, hell is for single people, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, list, too bad I don't have mental health coverage, too busy
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I have been feeling ridiculously good. I think it’s due to the exercise kick my sister and I started. (Can you say endorphin high?) To the point where for like ENTIRE 8 minute stretches I don’t even feel like cutting myself or huddling myself up in a corner to cry over realizations of family dysfunction! I walked more than 10 miles within two days! Moaned my way through downtown Salt Lake City with fellow zombie enthusiasts! Life IS within reach. I won’t be living here FOREVER. Only one year before I can apply to nursing school!
Then came Monday. FUCK MONDAY. Seriously.
Here’s hoping the rest of the week feels twenty-hundred times better than yesterday.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, crossing my fingers, don't go away mad just go away, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, obviously crazy to leave the bay area, too bad I don't have mental health coverage, where's my medicine?
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Who are you and how did you find me?
Did you reach me by searching “food in pants,” “face eaten by bear” or “mormon porn”?
Did we used to date and you stalk scour my blog by searching “Melliferous Pants”?
However you made it here, why do you read? I’m having a super crappy day. Come out from behind the safety of your monitor and say hello. It’d help me feel better and my niece might stop squeaking, “Crying? Hug?”
Categories:I've had better mornings, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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