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Entries Tagged as 'stuff I put in my mouth'

Care Package!

March 3rd, 2009 · 2 Comments

Today I received a care package from my friend Sonja. She stuffed it full of all sorts of awesome goodies! Our cupboard is now full of Trader Joe’s snacks and deliciousness.

Best Birthday Card Ever

She also sent pretty much the best birthday card ever. If only it really came with a tampon holder knitting pattern!

Polygamist Murder Mystery Novel!

Sonja is also a recovering Mormon and we share a fascination and repulsion for our family histories (polygamy). I am so excited to start reading “The 19th Wife,” a polygamist murder mystery novel!

Boa Ventura

And last, but certainly not least, she sent me delicious wine from Boa Ventura Vineyard. Shh! Don’t tell anyone I’m currently enjoying a delicious glass of contraband wine. It goes perfectly with the spicy Italian sausage tomato sauce I threw over brown rice fusilli pasta from Trader Joe’s. NOM!

Categories:birthday, Childhood Cult, I miss Trader Joe's, Shh!, stuff I put in my mouth, Uncategorized
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I’m Alive!

December 29th, 2008 · 17 Comments

I survived Christmas, still in one piece, didn’t cry myself to sleep, and I still have an awesome boyfriend who makes me extremely happy. He gets double awesome points for meeting my uber religious sister, her husband, their four (EXTREMELY LOUD) daughters, and STILL loving me.

He held up like a champ under a perverse and strange round of something my sister called “Getting To Know You” but was more like an intensive 25 point inspection. I sat down in between him on the couch and a herd of my female relatives ranging in age from 2 to 64 and he said something about needing to create a word estro-sault. He’s pretty fucking incredible.

We're so in love it will make you puke.

Categories:barfing rainbows, my dysfunctional family is better than yours, stuff I put in my mouth
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Random Friday Bullshit

October 17th, 2008 · 31 Comments

  1. Tonight I’m getting together with a group of ex-Mormon bloggers. YIPPEE! I’m excited because I’ve been reading some of their blogs for a long time and it’s always nice to put faces to writing. Plus I’ve had a lot of weird feelings about my childhood cult resurface since moving to Utah so I’m looking forward to some commiseration!
  2. Last night I had a phone conversation with a guy from the second round of namelessdatingwebsite applicants. It freaked me out a little how he responded to where I go to school …because his response: “I could throw a rock at your school from my office” is the EXACT SAME thing that mister-promising-disappearing-act said. They don’t work at the same office or anything (although that would be fucking sweet). I just thought it was strange.
  3. Whoever took my motivation, would you please return it?
  4. My mother gave me Zicam lozenges to help kick a cold. In case you haven’t taken them and were wondering what they taste like: THEY TASTE LIKE FUCKING HELL. I’m pretty sure the scientific theory behind their function is that your body becomes frightened you will continue to punish it with their nastiness and gets better quickly, mostly due to fear of further consumption.
  5. I drank so much Crystal Light yesterday that I looked it up online to see how much I had to consume before it became toxic.
  6. I am furious over the Mormons funding Prop 8 in California. What a bunch of fucking bigots. What the fuck happened to separation of church and state?!

Categories:Childhood Cult, list, stuff I put in my mouth, Utahrds
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Looking Up

September 4th, 2008 · 11 Comments

Normally I like short weeks because, well, they’re short! But this week has been total hell. Three days of work and school felt like three hundred days. Luckily, things are looking up!

My meltdown began with this post, where I alluded to a whole bunch of bullshit…I am happy to report that the bullshit has worked its way out. A completely ridiculous situation with my bank has been fixed! Financial aid is ALMOST here!

Today I received a package in the mail. Who doesn’t like receiving fun, unexpected packages; especially when they don’t involve bills?! Sarah’s dog, Daisy the wonder pug, read my sad post about my inability to eat my feelings macaroni and cheese. Daisy sent me this super fucking fabulous spread of mac n’ cheese with an adorable little card.

“My mom says you are sad. Whenever I’m sad I eat and so should you. I miss your cuddle nest. We love you!
<3 Daisy”

Thanks for making my day, Daisy! My cuddle nest misses you too.

Categories:happy happy joy joy, holy yum-o, stuff I put in my mouth, Uncategorized
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Random List

August 25th, 2008 · 17 Comments

  1. 7:00am class is fucking early.
  2. I didn’t think it was possible to have a worse massage than the angry Russian massage therapist who took a no-pain-no-gain attitude that left me with bruises all over my back. THEN, I found out there is something worse: being “pet” for one hour. It was more like a really long application of oil; which doesn’t seem so bad because it is hella dry here, but it was so weak it actually made me angry. Good thing it was free! Though it made me desperately miss Korean women with strong hands.
  3. After living here for one year it’s still weird to see married couples who don’t look old enough to drive.
  4. It’s annoying that there are bridal advertisements next to my school logo on mouse pads.
  5. And church buildings on a community college campus? Separation of church and state at its finest!
  6. I forgot how totally awesome The Murmers “You Suck” is.
  7. Wildfires are scary.
  8. I’m having a Zip-a-Dee but I wish it were an Organic Trader Joe’s Lollipop.
  9. Good thing I’m going to the OC in a few weeks!
  10. I bought a text book online and got pissed off when the seller sent me a message THREE DAYS LATER to let me know they sold my book locally and would appreciate some positive feedback. Know what I’d appreciate? MY MOTHER FUCKING TEXT BOOK.
  11. I feel like crying.

Categories:list, stuff I put in my mouth, Utahrds
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Friday I’m in Love

June 20th, 2008 · No Comments

This week I have been loving…

D.I.! Though really, I love D.I. every week. What’s not to love when you find treasures like this…

$3 baby doll stroller for my niece, who walked in circles around the kitchen island for FOUR HOURS! Screaming, “Ah byyye!” Every time she’d pass, flirt with her reflection in the sliding glass door, then start it all again. As my brother-in-law called it: a solid purchase.

$2 Sexual Fitness stretching for couples book. I picked this up for my friend, who will be giving it to his brother, that is saving his flower. I think it’s hilarious. Hopefully it won’t take too much therapy to get over it…

The only thing I can say about this homemade, church related puzzle (besides let you know that I didn’t buy it) is that these little fuckers added to my personal therapeutic history. Thanks J.S.

Can you say seventy-five cent BRAND NEW Hello Kitty tote? Jack Jack can, I had to pry it away from him after this modeling session so he wouldn’t destroy it before my honorary niece opens it on her birthday.

Painting the niece’s fingernails and toes with hot pink. She made JAZZ HANDS! the rest of the evening.

Rock hard nectarines. I like them crunchy like apples and they’re bangin’ this week.

True happiness is a cold room on a hot summer day. One thermostat for a two story house, set at seventy-nine degrees, makes for this downstairs. Say hello to heaven.

Still can’t get enough of The Ditty Bops. This week’s obsession is Bye Bye Love.

What are you loving this week?

Categories:All About Pants, buying stuff, jack jack, list, Meow, stuff I put in my mouth, thrifty
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