Why does falling for someone attract creepy weirdos? I think it has to do with super charged neurotransmitters going bonkers inside of our brains that make us produce ridiculous amounts of pheromones. Whatever the reason, it’s fucking annoying.
On Friday night I was at a street light, en route to my new mister’s house. While looking for something in my glove compartment, I felt someone staring at me. I gave a cursory glance to my right and continued looking ahead. The light turned green, I turned left, and he continued straight. One block later, I felt his psychotic gaze and looked over to see his car swerving up to mine. The fucker had sped around a number of blocks to pull up next to me. He rolled down his window and was looking at me like a cartoon character fantasizing about busily slicing carrots into a boiling cauldron containing a large rabbit.
I rolled my window down, held one finger, ignored his chatter, and yelled, “FUCKING! NO!” and told him I have a boyfriend.
The d-bag had the nerve to ask, “What? You don’t have room for two boyfriends?”
“NO! I do not.”
“Well, that makes your boyfriend a very lucky man. Are you sure you don’t have room for another.”
“I’m on my way to his house right now and you better stop fucking following me unless you want him to rearrange your fucking face.”
What gives? I can’t decide if I should start carrying a bat, mace, or both.
