Mike and I have most of the big things arranged: we all know/have what we’re wearing, my sister is marrying us, we have a photographer, my mom is doing the food, etc. The one thing that hadn’t happened until this weekend was introducing Mike’s dad and stepmom to my parents. It went really well, especially after I poured myself a half and half rum and Diet Coke.

My favorite part of the evening was when my mother told Mike’s stepmom she thought Mike was modest. His stepmom said Mike had good manners but she didn’t think he was modest. She asked Mike’s dad what he thought…after a minute he said, “Well he doesn’t wave his dick around in the park.”

OK off to go figure out how my sister and I are going to manage to do all of my flowers on our own. I am going back to sleep and see if I can’t get rid of this cold which was surely brought on by stress.

My sister told me I wouldn’t have to worry about buying feminine hygeine products if I started using GladRags. I have a few more years of hiking before my full Granola transformation is complete. This will mean wearing Tevas with dresses, no long tweezing my eyebrows and giving up deoderant.

Luckily for those who are reguarly in contact with me, I’m not there yet.

1. Last night on a hike we (sister, niece and I) had our first bear incident. We didn’t see it…but heard it growl from 30 feet away. Back in the parking lot we talked to some nice mountain bikers who saw a black bear close to where we heard the growling. SCARY!
   
   
2. When I related the story to my mother she asked, “Nice mountain bikers? Like give-them-your-phone-number nice?”
   
   
3. I slept like total shit last night.
   
   
4. Today I fell asleep while taking notes in class.
   
   
5. I scheduled a few night classes in hope of meeting adults. That hope has died. If I want to meet adults in school I’m going to have to move to another state.
   
   
6. 7:00am class + night class = MY OWN PERSONAL HELL
   
   
7. There is a girl in one of my classes so young I could be her MOTHER.
   
   
8. If the teenage newlyweds (who just married 3 weeks ago) trace shapes on each other’s back and tongue kiss at the end of class this week I’m going to throw my text book at them.
   
   
9. If you don’t yet read Cake Wrecks, get your ass over there. It is concentrated awesome.
   
   
10. I find it irritating when I have to click through my reader to read a complete blog post.
    
    
11. Bummed out that my trip to the bay area next month will be less than 72 hours. And that one of my BFFs will be out of town. WAH.
    
    
12. Sofa king broke right now that I’m contemplating buying tampons at the dollar store.*
    
    
13. Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams reunited? This makes me way happier than is probably healthy.
    
    
14. The Show Me Your Genitals video is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. GENITALIA!
    

*Did I really just admit this to the internets?

After just one week I feel so much stronger! And I’m wearing a pair of jeans that haven’t graced my ass for quite some time. Granted, they’re damn bootylicious, but what’s a little cushion for the pushin’? (Not that I’d know, because I’m rocking Club Celibacy HELLA hard, yo. It just sounded like the right thing to say.)

The one thing that baffles me is the mountain biker uniform. Is there some sort of law requiring them to have shaved heads and big-ass goatees? Yesterday, we saw like eleventy-hundred of them. I’m not even exaggerating! We were surrounded by baldies with ginormous facial hair, running us off the trail. Not that I’m surprised a state that drives like utter and complete assholes (how Christian of them!) have bad manners on bikes; but how hard is it to say, “On your left?” instead of running over two girls with kid in tow? Seriously though, can anyone make sense of their uniform? Because I’m baffled.

Started the day off by going for a two hour hike with my sister and niece. Kicked my own ass! Managed to find a new bathing suit (TOTAL MIRACLE) and a cute new dress. Then went for a swim…which mainly consisted of wearing myself out by turning myself into a human raft for my almost-two-year-old niece. Didn’t eat enough food during the day and had a ROARING headache by the time we left the pool that lasted until this morning. Yuck.

Woke up, read some blogs, got SUPER pissed off when I realized that I had missed De La Soul performing at the free Twilight Concert Series last night…instead I took a handful of Advil, laid in bed wishing my massive headache away while wishing more headache on myself by watching a documentary show on PBS about the charlatan founder of the Mormon church.

My sister’s lovely tan, my lovely paste; I am obviously the milk man’s baby.

I’ll miss the munchkin trying to do back flips off my chest. It’s amazing how quick they grow and change. She’ll surely be doing all sorts of grown up stuff during their two week absence. Today she said “bye bye” rather than “UHHH-byyyye!” I miss her little baby buh-bye. When I said UHH bye, she chanted BYE BYE BYE BYE over and over, so damn proud of her new big girl words.

When I decided to move to Utah I knew they would be a big part of my life. Turns out they’re my world. If they were to move, I seriously might die. I wish they’d hurry up with their vacation already.

“You can’t ignore your feet and expect to buff off cracks all at once.”

“Yes I can.”

“No you can’t. It doesn’t work that way. You’re getting older. You gotta take care of your feet.”

“I don’t wanna get old like you.”