Entries Tagged as 'jack jack'
I received a postcard from a friend last week that said, “I pretend you’re on a really long vacation…it is easier that way.” It made me cry a little, but I’m trying to keep the same mindset.
Here are a few awesome things, unique to Utah, that I’m putting in my Utah Vacation File…
My almost-two-year-old niece. She drew this super awesome picture of a “boogie” this week. Watching her grow blows my mind.
Old school bff, Stephanie; we’ve been friends for twenty years! I love her butt. How freaking cute are her kids?
Religious stickers at the grocery store. No explanation necessary.
Theatrical releases of Mormon movies. The Errand of Angels will be in theaters shortly. I don’t know much about it…other than it’s about sister missionaries and watching it would make me vomit. This doesn’t seem to bother people who’ve lived here for a long time, but I find it FUCKING WEIRD. All sorts of creepy religious movies and my motherfucking zombies are no where to be found? Total crap.
Freaky modest clothing shops for people who need longer sleeves and less legs. So much better than the alternative Ho’s in Training shops I’m used to in California.
My Grandma.
Cheap Holly Hobbie rip off stenciled public restrooms.
Religious statues, ripe for the molesting!
My parent’s cat…who has become my cat. My jewelry, pacifier, tampon thieving cat. He is so damn naughty.
Categories:friends, I miss sleeping, I want my fucking zombies, it's called sarcasm, jack jack, Uncategorized, Utahrds
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My family has been out of town for the last week. I was really looking forward to having the house to myself! It would almost be living on my own again!
What I wanted to do
• Walk around the house naked
• Not close my door when using battery operated devices
• Walk around the house noisily, at all hours of the night without regard to other people’s need to sleep
• Drink alcohol openly – like a real, live adult who doesn’t live with her religious parents
• Watch even more Law & Order than I normally do (difficult)
• Get myself back track, nutritionally speaking
• Clean my desk
• Organize photo album
• Mail photographs to friends
• Participate in Ubermilf’s Flash Fiction Friday
What I did do
• Walk around the house naked
• Did not close my door while using a battery operated device – only to discover my sister’s friend has stopped by to pick something up (using the garage code – whoops)
• Walked around the house noisily; freaked out the cat
• Drank a bottle of wine
• Kept vodka in the freezer that I didn’t even drink
• Came down with a horrible sinus infection – seriously, my neti pot wouldn’t even work (you’re welcome)
• Watched HELLA Law & Order, yo
• Ate a lot of chicken noodle soup
• Organized my photo album
• Mailed photographs
• Flaked on Ubie’s FFF because I like totally suck and stuff
• Grounded my cat for playing with the riff raff feral cats my next door neighbor feeds (we’ve got foxes in our neighborhood and he refuses to come inside at his curfew – scary)
• Diagnosed my cat as an Emotional Eater (he totally pigged out EVERY time I told him he couldn’t go outside)
• Ate a tomato from the garden
• Weeded and deadheaded the garden
• Took a lot of naps with my cat
• Bought yummy produce at the farmers market
I ended up feeling more lonesome than satisfied with my freedom. I surprised myself by missing my family! No worries, it took less than ten minutes for the irritation to return.
What have you been up to?
Categories:All About Pants, jack jack, list, Meow, mid-thirties teenage angst
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Here is a picture of my grandma signing her uncle’s 90th birthday card. My mother made the card, with grandma’s wedding photo. I love this. She jerked her hand back when I took the photo, saying, “Oh! My hand was ruining the photo!” Quite the opposite, grandma.
This is my favorite thrift store purchase. I know it’s adorable. Don’t be so jealous.
Welcome to what my lungs will soon not look like! I exhaled my last cigarette into a tissue, something I read about on a smoking cessation website. Jack Jack was horrified by what I’d been doing to my lungs, but he still did his best feline mannequin pose with the nasty tissue.
Tomorrow I’m participating in Blog Share: a group of bloggers anonymously posting on each other’s blogs. Another blogger’s anonymous post will be here and mine will appear on another participant’s blog. I’m very excited! I discovered Blog Share during the last share (a few months back) and loved reading everyone’s secrets. It’s sort of like Post Secret on crack; I am looking forward to participating. Weee!
Categories:jack jack, Uncategorized
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Awesome Ing wrote a post about dating. You should go read it HERE.
Ing’s perspective is very familiar. I’ve have had relationships here and there. Some long, some shorter. I understand the pressure of friends and loved ones wanting me to be with someone. I can particularly relate to what she wrote about her mother. My mother also believes that not finding someone to marry and have babies with is so horrible it’s just shy of a terminal disease. She tries not to pressure me, but I can still feel it. It’s not done maliciously; she just wants me to be happy. But it’s still a lot pressure for a girl.
I would love to meet someone to share my life with; I have wondered if that will really happen for me. This is not a pity party; it’s my life. I am not under the delusion of waiting for The One because I don’t believe in The One. It is bullshit to think there is only one person for everyone. I happen to think there are many options out there for all of us. I think it’s more likely a matter of finding someone whose baggage is the right weight, so you can help each other shoulder the bullshit of life.
When I read this I almost fell out of my chair.
“…sometimes I wonder if men and women are suited for each other at all.”
Crossing my fingers that I’ll find one of my many possibilities…hoping the most valued relationship in my life is eventually not my cat; though he’s damn fucking cute.
Categories:boys are the dumb, cobwebs in my privates?, copy cat, emotional impotency is not hawt, hell is for single people, jack jack, Uncategorized
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- My first boyfriend has five kids. F-I-V-E, FIVE!
- Rlo told me I should watch How Stella Got Her Groove Back this weekend. I’m not sure what I find funnier: Rlo’s suggestion or that he has actually seen it.
- That depends on whether or not Jack Jack is willing to forfeit Saturday night made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
- Watching Benny Boy almost get in a fight with some random guy (who tried to cut in the beer line – no cuts, no butts, no coconuts!) after we waited for thirty minutes was surreal.
- Though not as surreal as seeing Rlo chest bump him afterward.
- I may have made that up. I was suffering from severe lack of beer, yo.
- I’m in love with free printable stationary. HELLO CUTENESS!
- Stephanie is right. Saying, “I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now” is just another way to say “I don’t want to be with YOU.” Harsh? Maybe. True? Yes. Did I need it? Yuppers.
- Steph promptly followed up with, “Anyone who doesn’t want to be with you is fucking retarded!”
- Duh.
- This week has been one giant déjà vu.
- I have a date with my grandma this weekend.
- Replacing smoking with sunflower seeds makes for a belly ache.
- I suppose a tummy ache is worth not dying from emphysema.
- I have fallen in love with Good News For People Who Love Bad News (again).
- The end.
Categories:All About Pants, friends, jack jack, list
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This week I have been loving…
D.I.! Though really, I love D.I. every week. What’s not to love when you find treasures like this…
$3 baby doll stroller for my niece, who walked in circles around the kitchen island for FOUR HOURS! Screaming, “Ah byyye!” Every time she’d pass, flirt with her reflection in the sliding glass door, then start it all again. As my brother-in-law called it: a solid purchase.
$2 Sexual Fitness stretching for couples book. I picked this up for my friend, who will be giving it to his brother, that is saving his flower. I think it’s hilarious. Hopefully it won’t take too much therapy to get over it…
The only thing I can say about this homemade, church related puzzle (besides let you know that I didn’t buy it) is that these little fuckers added to my personal therapeutic history. Thanks J.S.
Can you say seventy-five cent BRAND NEW Hello Kitty tote? Jack Jack can, I had to pry it away from him after this modeling session so he wouldn’t destroy it before my honorary niece opens it on her birthday.
Painting the niece’s fingernails and toes with hot pink. She made JAZZ HANDS! the rest of the evening.
Rock hard nectarines. I like them crunchy like apples and they’re bangin’ this week.
True happiness is a cold room on a hot summer day. One thermostat for a two story house, set at seventy-nine degrees, makes for this downstairs. Say hello to heaven.
Still can’t get enough of The Ditty Bops. This week’s obsession is Bye Bye Love.
What are you loving this week?
Categories:All About Pants, buying stuff, jack jack, list, Meow, stuff I put in my mouth, thrifty
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Spent the day at a baby shower and came home to peruse my file of cat pictures. Yes, I really did take eighty-four pictures of JackJack. And that was just one day…I’d give y’all an official old maid cat photo count, but I don’t have that kind of time.
My cat is so much better than your human baby.
Four years ago I never would have thought I’d turn into a cat blogger. But it beats cutting.
And it sure as fuck beats dating.
Neow!
Categories:jack jack, Meow
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Today I played catch up with a friend over a bottle of wine. We got to talking about people who come in and out of our lives…she said it sounds like there’s another chapter about someone who dropped out of my life. I sort of wish there were, and that bums me out.
On my drive home I felt really drained and icky so I stopped at a park, laid in the grass and watched the clouds roll by.
Still feeling icky, solitary and borderline emotional, I did what any good emotional dummy does: I curled up in bed with my cat and watched an episode of Intervention. Bah. That show is one depressing motherfucker. But it did the trick. Then I took eighty-four pictures of my cat. (Yes, EIGHTY-FOUR.) I’d post a few of them, but WordPress hates me right now.
Categories:friends, jack jack, Meow
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Today Jack Jack sat in front of me begging for popcorn like a dog. When I shooed him away, he sulked off to chew the cord on my space heater. After a some yelling and hissing sounds he settled down for some pouting. Then he army crawled across the floor of my bedroom and started chewing on my new shoes. BAH!
I wonder if when I’m a crazy ol’ cat, I’ll have a “pack” of cat-dogs? That’d be kind of cool. It would really add to the Golden Girls theme my friend Stephanie and I intend to create when we’re older. Steph’s sister will be addicted to soap operas, Steph is going to be a chain smoker and I’m to be the crazy ol’ cat lady who yells at kids to get off our lawn. There will be a large porch with three rocking chairs and I will teach them how to knit. The best part about our little plan? I’m planning my living arrangements for after my husband’s death and I haven’t even met him. Ha ha…I wish he’d hurry up.
Categories:friends, hell is for single people, jack jack, Meow
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The lovely Sterkworks, aka Queen of Tongue-Ups, tagged me for a six quirky things meme. I think I may have done this meme before, but I’m too lazy too search for it and anyone who’s read more than two sentences here realizes I have way more than six quirky things to share about myself…
1. I used to save credit card offers and return the pre-paid response envelopes full of Penny Saver ads and other junk mail. I may have even sent dirt and rocks at some point.
2. I HATE hard boiled eggs. When I was fifteen months old my parents took me hiking (riding along in a baby back pack) to natural sulfur springs. I don’t remember it but my folks tell me that I pitched a royal fit and babbled incessantly about how filthy the smell was. It’s the one childhood food aversion I haven’t grown out of.
3. Lately I have been have nightmares about shaving my legs. Believe me, when you sit down next to Matthew Fox in a casino and he reaches for you leg…you’d want it to be smooth, too.
4. When I was seven years old my mom’s hairdresser told me about reincarnation. It completely FREAKED me out. I refused to change in front of our male cat because I thought he was my dead grandpa.
5. Not only am I a member of Club Celibacy, I’m the president!
6. The vet said it’s time for my fat-ass cat to got on a diet…he’s 16 1/2 pounds. I must admit, I was shocked when I found out how much he weighed; I thought surely he would be at least 20 pounds.
Categories:All About Pants, ancient history, cobwebs in my privates?, jack jack, Meow
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