Entries Tagged as 'I've had better mornings'
I’ve been having fitful and frustrating dreams lately. While we were planning the wedding I wasn’t able to think about my miscarriage very much. Now that the wedding has passed and what would have been my due date is approaching, I seem to be having more and more dreams about babies.
Over the weekend I had a dream that Mike and I were at a Schlitterbahn Waterpark. (Random? Yes.) We were at the top of a large waterslide when I started going into labor: it was very unnerving, especially when the teenage lifeguard delivered the baby. In my dream the baby was born safe and healthy. The next part of the dream was me at home with the baby and I couldn’t seem to hold the baby correctly. I would be walking around with my infant in my arms and it would slip out. This happened a few times and when I would not be able to hold the baby safely it would gently fall onto a bed or sofa. Even though it was all a dream, I woke up feeling a serious sense of failure because I couldn’t even hold my own baby without dropping it…which was bizarre to feel when I was awake since I don’t have a baby.
Today I saw a car with TWO “Baby on Board” signs. I have always found Baby on Board signs pretentious and annoying because if they didn’t have their stupid sign up warning me to be careful around their car, I would totally demolish it with my shitty driving skills. WTF? I noticed the driver (mother) was smoking a cigarette with a little baby girl in the backseat (I only knew because pink threw up all over that backseat) and an elementary school aged boy in the front seat. I wish I didn’t get so upset, but I hate seeing people abuse their kids. It seemed especially horrible since she posted fucking Baby on Board signs all over her back window and bumper. I wanted to jump out of my car at a stoplight and save those kids because she obviously doesn’t deserve them.
Categories:Anxiety, I've had better mornings, OH MY HORRORS, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, overshare, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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Last night I had a dream that I was in Wal-Mart, only it was a HUGE Wal-Mart, like that size of Ikea. And I kept getting stuck inside. It was like a giant maze and as soon as I was almost out of it, I would get thrown back in again. It was horrible. I started to get really stressed out that I couldn’t get out of it. And I was continually being shoved into this huge freight elevator with all these other customers and the door would SLAM down, then I’d be thrown back to the beginning again.
Then, when I finally got out of the damn store, I got stuck in the parking lot! Every time I was nearly out of the parking lot I’d get thrown back in again. Eventually I ended up driving my compact car, off-road, through a wooded area. When the road got too narrow and difficult to maneuver my car, I got out, tied a large rope around it and carried my freaking car over my shoulder, uphill, through trees.
For once, I was excited to get the hell out of bed and into the shower. MEH.
Categories:I've had better mornings, Lame
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- Falling in love is fucking fantastic!
- I’m not trying to make y’all puke rainbows or anything, but I had NO idea it was even possible to find reciprocal love of this level.
- Though it does not encourage writing material, which is preferable to bullshit drama.
- The holidays are upon us, so I will soon have family drama to rely on for writing inspiration.
- My BFF and her husband are coming to visit the day after Christmas. I’m excited because this is their first time to visit Utah.
- Immediately after they made their travel arrangements, my older sister decided she and her husband would come with their gajillion kids during the exact same time.
- I have yet to tell my sister that I won’t be around much during her visit…which is sure to go over fucking swell.
- I cannot wait to sleep in for a few days.
- My niece clobbered my face with “big baby” yesterday when I wasn’t looking…and now I have a freaking bump on my nose. JOY!
- I desperately need an algebra boost before my final, but I’m pissed my teacher offered it during the bloody holiday weekend.
- I have no fucking clue what I’m going to do for Christmas gifts…except that I will be making every single gift.
Categories:I've had better mornings, my dysfunctional family is better than yours, puking rainbows
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Did anyone else have a particularly crap Monday this week? Mine was so disappointing, especially after an unbelievably upbeat weekend.
My math teacher is in the habit of hanging on to our homework and tests FOREVER. So long, that I asked whether or not we would be receiving any of them back (he’s yet to return ANY of our homework). We took test #3 before receiving test #2 back. Turns out I totally bombed test #2, which would have been really fucking nice to know before taking test #3. Especially since math is a subject where concepts build upon one another and now I’m freaked out that I may have bombed the most recent test (which I wouldn’t fucking know because he hasn’t graded mine yet…though he did grade the majority of the rest of the class – WTF man?!), when I could have worked on misunderstood concepts if my teacher wasn’t so fucking lazy, and did his goddamned job.
I spent the better part of the morning feeling really crushed and did a semi-decent amount of crying. (Thank god for clear mascara gel – not that it mattered by the end of the day because even though my lashes looked pretty good, I still looked like someone had punched me in the face and rubbed lemon juice into my eyes.)
My dismal math scores led me to the (very adult, very disappointing) decision to cancel my trip to St. George this weekend. I seriously need to buckle down and do a sick amount of studying and I know that I won’t be able to do that if I’m out of town, having fun, as planned with Stephanie. Even though I know I need to stay home, I’m so bummed I can hardly stand it. While talking it over with my sister I started bawling. While breaking the news to Stephanie I started bawling. While thinking about it in the car I started bawling. (Notice a pattern?)
I just feel like shit for disappointing Stephanie. We haven’t seen each other since the 4th of July and we’re both lonely for each other. I hate this. I’m hoping today will be better and I’ll feel like less of a failure – in school and my personal life. The general ick of yesterday began to seep into other aspects of my life and suddenly I was an insecure cotton-headed ninny muggin. And it was about shit that I have NOTHING to worry about. Sometimes I really hate having feelings.
Now come on, commiserate with me about your shitty Monday and help me feel better, would ya?
Categories:Assholes, I've had better mornings, crap, frumpasaurus, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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September 22nd, 2008 · 25 Comments
- I bombed my bio test. Boo.
- Daytrotter is an awesome website to discover new Indie music. Especially if you lost your entire iTunes library when your hard drive went boom.
- Really bummed about that stupid bio test. May reward myself for not crying about it with a milkshake.
- In internet dating news: I’m communicating with a few decent (seeming) men. Haven’t met anyone in person, nor has anyone declared their penis small. Quite an accomplishment!
- Decided to go ahead and make the trip to the bay area next weekend. Excited to see my family and friends…hopefully the rest of the week goes by smoother than it started.
- Last week I decided if Algebra were Star Wars my teacher would be a Jedi. Today I decided he’s a Sith Lord after spending 160 minutes solving twelve systems of equations. I regularly leave class with LESS knowledge than I began. FUCK.
- I mentioned in a post last week that I named an asshole in a creative writing story after an ex-boyfriend. The next assignment from my teacher requires I keep that asshole in the story and award him full custody of an infant. Which is great, because I made him a DRUG DEALER. Can’t decide if I should write him out of the story with a shooting, overdose, arrest involving drugs, an arrest involving drugs and CPS, or all of the above. You might think I’m taking a class on writing Lifetime TV mini-series…and you would be right! It’s the only class I’m acing right now. So hooray for soap operas.
- The other day I watched a guy tell a woman how beautiful she was, as he walked by. So distracted by her beauty, he didn’t pay attention to where he was walking and he walked straight into a pillar. Fucking awesome.
- I got so mad at a shitty-ass teenage driver on Saturday night when she (unsuccessfully) tried to pass me and got stuck next to me (after tailing me sofuckingclose I couldn’t even see her headlights for 10 minutes), that I yelled “You drive like a spoiled piece of shit!” When her passenger started to yell back, I told her she was a “Fucking cunt.” Which marks my official transformation into a crazy old lady who will yell at kids to get off my mother fucking lawn. And I have the T-shirt to prove it. Interesting, I was wearing it during the road rage screaming match.
- Time to go get that milkshake.
Categories:Assholes, I miss sleeping, I've had better mornings, Uncategorized, confession, fucking paradise, getting my learn on, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, list
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September 16th, 2008 · 21 Comments
The hard drive on my MacBook blew up and none of my data is recoverable. Hearing the news made me want to cry. Then I realized it’s not that fucked. Unless you count the weeks of notes I lost for this week’s biology test.
I had a great time in California but I feel little guilty about one thing: I missed Utah. I know – it’s the weirdest shit ever! Had a great time with my friends and family, loved being time at the beach, appreciated going into a bar without dealing with all that lame membership bullshit…but I found myself missing Utah. Never thought I’d think that, let alone share it! A friend likened it to missing a loser boyfriend: you know he’s a douche and yet you miss him. Stupid Utah, confusing my heart!
Categories:I've had better mornings, Lame, OH MY HORRORS, Uncategorized, confession, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, mac
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- It’s a good thing this week is short because I don’t think I could handle five days like today.
- I would love to do something about my terribly misshapen haircut and disgusting roots but that requires money. BOO!
- I still don’t know how I’m going to buy my last text book.
- Burst into tears (thank god, ALONE, in my car) just before work.
- I am a cotton headed ninny muggin.
- I could eat an entire box of feelings macaroni and cheese right now. Good thing I’m broke so I can’t make that happen! Which is sad because I’m pretty sure mac n’ cheese is all of two cents.
- Saved by a co-worker: I almost had to choose between a binder clip and two plastic knives (as chopsticks) to eat my spinach salad for lunch.
- Went for a six hour hike with my dad on Saturday that covered a ridiculous amount of elevation. He chose the hike, but I got really worried about halfway through, when it was too late to do anything about climbing (and then down) the dry rock creek bed.
- One drink after hiking for 6 hours will turn you crazy. Fun crazy, but crazy.
- It’s a good thing I don’t have internet access from my cell, otherwise I’d probably have posted a personal ad to craigslist, penned by my vagina.
- Chocolate fountains are fun.
- Finding this t-shirt made my day. Not that I can buy it, but just knowing it’s there makes my day. The Onion rules.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, OH MY HORRORS, Uncategorized, getting my learn on, hell is for single people, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, list, too bad I don't have mental health coverage, too busy
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I have been feeling ridiculously good. I think it’s due to the exercise kick my sister and I started. (Can you say endorphin high?) To the point where for like ENTIRE 8 minute stretches I don’t even feel like cutting myself or huddling myself up in a corner to cry over realizations of family dysfunction! I walked more than 10 miles within two days! Moaned my way through downtown Salt Lake City with fellow zombie enthusiasts! Life IS within reach. I won’t be living here FOREVER. Only one year before I can apply to nursing school!
Then came Monday. FUCK MONDAY. Seriously.
Here’s hoping the rest of the week feels twenty-hundred times better than yesterday.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, crossing my fingers, don't go away mad just go away, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, obviously crazy to leave the bay area, too bad I don't have mental health coverage, where's my medicine?
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Who are you and how did you find me?
Did you reach me by searching “food in pants,” “face eaten by bear” or “mormon porn”?
Did we used to date and you stalk scour my blog by searching “Melliferous Pants”?
However you made it here, why do you read? I’m having a super crappy day. Come out from behind the safety of your monitor and say hello. It’d help me feel better and my niece might stop squeaking, “Crying? Hug?”
Categories:I've had better mornings, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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Yesterday was a Utah State holiday: Pioneer Day. Also known as the day that makes me throw up in my mouth.
Started the day off by going for a two hour hike with my sister and niece. Kicked my own ass! Managed to find a new bathing suit (TOTAL MIRACLE) and a cute new dress. Then went for a swim…which mainly consisted of wearing myself out by turning myself into a human raft for my almost-two-year-old niece. Didn’t eat enough food during the day and had a ROARING headache by the time we left the pool that lasted until this morning. Yuck.
Woke up, read some blogs, got SUPER pissed off when I realized that I had missed De La Soul performing at the free Twilight Concert Series last night…instead I took a handful of Advil, laid in bed wishing my massive headache away while wishing more headache on myself by watching a documentary show on PBS about the charlatan founder of the Mormon church.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, Utahrds, Vomit, love my sister
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