Entries Tagged as 'I’ve lost that loving feeling'
September 16th, 2009 · 7 Comments
“I suffer no illusions that this will be an easy process. It will be hard. But I also know that nearly a century after Teddy Roosevelt first called for reform, the cost of our health care has weighed down our economy and the conscience of our nation long enough. So let there be no doubt: health care reform cannot wait, it must not wait, and it will not wait another year.”
– President Barack Obama, February 24, 2009
I hope and pray that health care reform change begins ASAP. Unfortunately I fear that will not happen.
After watching the President’s address to the joint session of Congress on Health Care I found myself extremely disenchanted: not with anything Mr. President said (he was quite inspiring), I was disheartened to hear the booing and yelling from the Republican side of Congress and the very inappropriate outburst from Rep. Joe Wilson. If Congressional members cannot express feelings and ideas in a civil manner it is no wonder American citizens are not capable of positive political discourse. I have started to close myself off politically because nothing positive comes from sharing my thoughts and feelings. There is no exchange of ideas and principles, only yelling and bickering. We can’t even talk to each other anymore! We are surrounded by shocking and distasteful beliefs, actions, and tactics. My greatest fear is that the political shenanigans between the two political parties will prevent any real change or progress.
The previous paragraph was brought to you by the grief and emotional eruption resulting from receiving the following letter from the hospital where I received my D&C in February. After five months of consistent payments they mailed me this:
“***FINAL NOTICE***
This is our final effort. We value your patronage and want you as a patient. But, as much as we regret, your account may be placed with an outside agency for collection unless full payment is made within the next ten (10) days.”
BULLSHIT! They do not value my patronage or want me as a patient. If they did, they wouldn’t be such pricks. The phone calls to them are nothing short of horrific. I swear the call center representatives at the hospital were direct hired DMV employee rejects with anger and rage issues. I know it’s probably an error (I hope) and I will call them shortly to attempt resolution, but I am not looking forward to it anymore than I would look forward to a colonoscopy.
Receiving that letter really struck a chord in me. I am sick and fucking tired of all the bullshit associated with our health care and the political responses to the possibilities of change. So I did what any normal American would do, I wrote a letter to the President. I was going to email it but I think intent can be lost in the current electronic shuffle. So I’m rocking it old school and sending my letter via snail mail.
Categories:Anxiety, Assholes, Customer Service Bullshit, I’ve lost that loving feeling, dumb, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, miscarriage, overshare, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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I have all this great stuff happening right now. I’m really happy with Mike. We had the sort of weekend that was so good it almost didn’t seem real when Monday rolled around. Our wedding planning seems to be literally falling into place… then, BAM! I get knocked over by depression.
Everything is rolling along fine until some inane person (my mother’s co-worker yesterday at lunch) asked me if I’m pregnant or have kids. I’m reminded it hasn’t even been three full months since the miscarriage. It was really fucking awkward. I know we can try again when we’re ready but that doesn’t comfort the empty ache inside of me.
So now I’m back to making a concerted effort to act “normal.” Doing my best to keep my sadness tucked inside. The worst part is I don’t even feel like crying: I just feel numb. I keep hoping that I’ll just feel better. One of my sister’s friends went through a similar experience and it took her about as long to pay off the miscarriage medical bills as it did to feel better. I certainly hope it doesn’t take that long.
I know that exercise would be helpful but I’m having a lot of trouble sticking to a routine…partly because I just feel like laying in bed and partly because I’m having trouble paying a gym membership when I should be using money for my miscarriage medical bills, wedding expenses, or saving for a place of our own…which I’d explain further but I refuse to do roommate bitching on top of all my whining. So I’m crossing my fingers that my sister gets over her sinus infection soon because hiking with her (and my niece!) always makes me feel better.
Also, I should probably stop listening to The Weakerthans so much. (Boo.)
Categories:I’ve lost that loving feeling, The Crazy, confession, crap, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, miscarriage, overshare
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I am sick to fucking death of dating. Not that I’ll be stopping anytime soon, because I was raised in a (loving) dysfunctional household and I don’t know when to say when.
A few months ago I had an interesting conversation with my dad about dating. (Weird, I know.) He said the shitty part about internet dating is that you don’t have a “real” connection with the people you are meeting*. Well, except that you both pay to meet people on the internet. All you can do is cross your fingers people are genuine because you aren’t going to see them again through mutual friends, or run into them at some shared activity. There is no accountability. Don’t want to talk to someone anymore? Pretend they don’t exist. The end! I’m guilty of this, as well. Sometimes it seems silence is more kind…which leaves me wondering: what the fuck happened to make (insert name of anyone interesting I’ve dated since moving to stupid fucking God’s Country) disappear? I feel like I have been doing a pretty good job of not being the crazy girl. My boundaries have improved. I’m not fucking each dude within the first 20 minutes (I’m all way up to 40 minutes of conversation before sex in the Starbucks bathroom). And I wait at least 5 minutes AFTER sex before I profess my love for him, tell him I want to have a million of his babies, and that I can’t wait for him to meet my cat.
Communicating with men via dating websites the appropriate amount of time, graduating to personal email or phone, then eventually in person is exhausting. Especially when you meet and you immediately know it’s not gonna happen. Whether it’s because he’s educated to fucking infinity but has yet to discover the joys of deodorant, freaking you the fuck out by attempting to destroy all the boundaries you’ve set (HELLO! Red flag d-bag!), or you’d rather tongue kiss your cat. All of which makes it more frustrating when seemingly decent men disappear.
Does anyone know who Random Carol is? ? I’ve been receiving referrals from her, but her blog is private.
And to the person who is coming here by way of a “what to ask to my future husband” Google search, you are in the wrong place. (I don’t know why I’m the second result either.) If you continue to return, I may be forced to write a list of things to ask the lucky fucker.
*I hate it when my dad is right.
Categories:Club Celibacy, I’ve lost that loving feeling, The Crazy, boys are the dumb, cobwebs in my privates?, confession, emotional impotency is not hawt, fucking paradise, hell is for single people, it's called sarcasm, my milkshake brings all the hobos to the yard, obviously crazy to leave the bay area
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- It’s a good thing this week is short because I don’t think I could handle five days like today.
- I would love to do something about my terribly misshapen haircut and disgusting roots but that requires money. BOO!
- I still don’t know how I’m going to buy my last text book.
- Burst into tears (thank god, ALONE, in my car) just before work.
- I am a cotton headed ninny muggin.
- I could eat an entire box of feelings macaroni and cheese right now. Good thing I’m broke so I can’t make that happen! Which is sad because I’m pretty sure mac n’ cheese is all of two cents.
- Saved by a co-worker: I almost had to choose between a binder clip and two plastic knives (as chopsticks) to eat my spinach salad for lunch.
- Went for a six hour hike with my dad on Saturday that covered a ridiculous amount of elevation. He chose the hike, but I got really worried about halfway through, when it was too late to do anything about climbing (and then down) the dry rock creek bed.
- One drink after hiking for 6 hours will turn you crazy. Fun crazy, but crazy.
- It’s a good thing I don’t have internet access from my cell, otherwise I’d probably have posted a personal ad to craigslist, penned by my vagina.
- Chocolate fountains are fun.
- Finding this t-shirt made my day. Not that I can buy it, but just knowing it’s there makes my day. The Onion rules.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, OH MY HORRORS, Uncategorized, getting my learn on, hell is for single people, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, list, too bad I don't have mental health coverage, too busy
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I have been feeling ridiculously good. I think it’s due to the exercise kick my sister and I started. (Can you say endorphin high?) To the point where for like ENTIRE 8 minute stretches I don’t even feel like cutting myself or huddling myself up in a corner to cry over realizations of family dysfunction! I walked more than 10 miles within two days! Moaned my way through downtown Salt Lake City with fellow zombie enthusiasts! Life IS within reach. I won’t be living here FOREVER. Only one year before I can apply to nursing school!
Then came Monday. FUCK MONDAY. Seriously.
Here’s hoping the rest of the week feels twenty-hundred times better than yesterday.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, crossing my fingers, don't go away mad just go away, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, obviously crazy to leave the bay area, too bad I don't have mental health coverage, where's my medicine?
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Yesterday was a Utah State holiday: Pioneer Day. Also known as the day that makes me throw up in my mouth.
Started the day off by going for a two hour hike with my sister and niece. Kicked my own ass! Managed to find a new bathing suit (TOTAL MIRACLE) and a cute new dress. Then went for a swim…which mainly consisted of wearing myself out by turning myself into a human raft for my almost-two-year-old niece. Didn’t eat enough food during the day and had a ROARING headache by the time we left the pool that lasted until this morning. Yuck.
Woke up, read some blogs, got SUPER pissed off when I realized that I had missed De La Soul performing at the free Twilight Concert Series last night…instead I took a handful of Advil, laid in bed wishing my massive headache away while wishing more headache on myself by watching a documentary show on PBS about the charlatan founder of the Mormon church.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, Utahrds, Vomit, love my sister
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Tu’pence: You’re back.
Me: Yuppers.
Tu’pence: I thought you went home.
Me: I fucking wish.
Tu’pence: Does that help with wishing?
In other exciting news…I dreamed that I missed my final tonight because I went to an ex-boyfriend’s house so he could dump my ass a second time. WTF?! I woke up guilt ridden for missing my final and allowing myself to be dumped AGAIN. Which is pretty silly, considering neither of those things happened. Stupid fucking dreams.
Also, I haven’t been responding to comments like I normally do because I am being eaten alive by school…and ridiculous dreams.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, dumb, zombies
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…choosing a research topic that doesn’t depress the fuck out of you.
…hysterical baby laughter.
…finding something you feel like you’ve lost, even though you never had it.
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…suitcase calling.
…I love noodles.
Categories:I’ve lost that loving feeling, crossing my fingers, list
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I had an ex-boyfriend start up with text messages this weekend. It’s been a year and a half since we broke up. He seems to contact me at least once (via, email or text) every six months. Like a good girl, who cares about her head and heart, I don’t respond. But he continues to contact me.
What will finally make him give up? Perhaps nothing, until he’s turned me into a skin suit that he wears while he sits on his piece of shit couch, getting high, drinking light beer and playing Xbox live.
Categories:I have more batteries for my vibrators than Too $hort h, I’ve lost that loving feeling, boys are the dumb, emotional impotency is not hawt, hell is for single people
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I was shopping in a discount department store, similar to Ross. Halfway through the store the lights were out in the center aisles and I couldn’t see the Hello Kitty skin care products (weird, I know, it was a fever induced dream). After complaining to a cashier about the lighting situation I realized that my friend N and her husband, B, were living in the back of the store with their two children. In between homes they were temporarily staying in the store to save costs. Stopped by their little makeshift apartment to say hello. It was sectioned off from the shopping area of the store by floor to ceiling drapes. They showed me the small living area, then we all showered together.
Categories:I've had better mornings, I’ve lost that loving feeling, Vomit, death flu
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