friends | Pants, pants, PANTS!

Entries Tagged as 'friends'

Neow

May 22nd, 2008 · No Comments

Today Jack Jack sat in front of me begging for popcorn like a dog. When I shooed him away, he sulked off to chew the cord on my space heater. After a some yelling and hissing sounds he settled down for some pouting. Then he army crawled across the floor of my bedroom and started chewing on my new shoes. BAH!

I wonder if when I’m a crazy ol’ cat, I’ll have a “pack” of cat-dogs? That’d be kind of cool. It would really add to the Golden Girls theme my friend Stephanie and I intend to create when we’re older. Steph’s sister will be addicted to soap operas, Steph is going to be a chain smoker and I’m to be the crazy ol’ cat lady who yells at kids to get off our lawn. There will be a large porch with three rocking chairs and I will teach them how to knit. The best part about our little plan? I’m planning my living arrangements for after my husband’s death and I haven’t even met him. Ha ha…I wish he’d hurry up.

Categories:friends, hell is for single people, jack jack, Meow
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Nanny, Nanny! Nanny Nanny Boo Boo!

May 2nd, 2008 · No Comments

“Guess where I’m going this weekend?”

“Stephanie’s.”

“Yup, but guess where we’re going.”

“Hiking?”

“In-n-Out! In-n-Out! That’s what a hambuuuurger is, all about!”

“What?! How?! Are you guys going to Vegas?”

“Nope. In-n-Out just opened in St. George.”

“Can I come?”

“Nuh uh! Sorry no moms allowed. Well, no moms that aren’t Stephanie allowed. I guess that means no grandmas.”

Categories:friends, holy yum-o
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BRUNCH!

April 26th, 2008 · No Comments

Holy fucking yum-o!

Categories:friends, girls are the smart, happy happy joy joy
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The Cat Formerly Known As My Mother’s

April 15th, 2008 · No Comments

Jack Jack is so interested in everything I do; he likes me, he really likes me! I am considering submitting this group of incredibly awesome, high quality, barely pathetic self-portrait + cat series photos to an art gallery. Any title suggestions? So far I’ve come up with…

A Thirty-Something and Her Cat
Not So Lonely After All
Algebra: Not Just For Humans
My Cat is Better Than Your Human Baby

The next step is for us to have photographs taken at Olan Mills. Which, curiously, I’ve decided is my dream date! Though my dream date will be with a human, not a feline. (I hope.)

1. Begin with shopping trip to D.I. (Mormon Goodwill) for some fine-ass new clothes.
2. Rush off to a portrait sitting at Olan Mills (or comparable photo studio).
3. Walk through Temple Square holding hands and sipping from the same flask.
4. Frozen yogurt.
5. Make out in remote, picturesque, area where teenagers (or thirty-something women who move home) escape their parents.

Though I realize this would be more satisfying (and likely) with my BFF, Stephanie. Hopefully we can do this at the end of the month when I go to visit! I know her husband wouldn’t object…he likes me and he hardly likes anybody (SCORE ME!).

Categories:friends, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, jack jack, Meow, mid-thirties teenage angst, things I'd rather do than homework
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Buzzzzzzzzzzzy

March 28th, 2008 · No Comments

Last week my childhood friend Zanny came to town. We drove to St. George (yee haw!) to visit our friend Stephanie. I had so much fun it was hard to go back to “real” life.

I want to write more about Stephanie and Zanny and how we’ve been friends for twenty years and that makes me feel really old and very loved by two incredibly awesome, fun, sassy, smart, beautiful women. But school and life are sucking my will, so I’ll have to save my gushing for Stephanie and Zanny for another time.

I’ll leave you with this picture of Steph’s son, Jack, and I. If it doesn’t make your ovaries ache, you better get ‘em checked.

Categories:barfing rainbows, friends
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Fly on the Wall

March 24th, 2008 · No Comments

Bits and pieces of three best friends who’ve known each other for twenty years; bowling alley bars bring out the best in us.

“Tip number one: Wear a bikini everywhere, while you still can.”

“I don’t like the pooper.”
“I don’t like the pooper.”
“I like the pooper.”

“I said, Weezer makes me want to FUCK.”

“I can’t do that, I gotta save my back for fuckin’.”

“If that guy smells me again, I’m gonna have to get really mad.”

“Tiny cunt.”

“OK, if you wanna start talking about pussy…”

“Moles on the face, a sixth finger, and hairy nipples are all signs of witchcraft.”

“This is the last thing you’re gonna see before I fuck you in the ass.”

“It smells like coffee and poop in there.”

Categories:All About Pants, barfing rainbows, friends
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Things I Learned On My Birthday

February 25th, 2008 · No Comments

Bowling alley bathrooms are frightening. I do not understand what sort of “performance” would break a toilet seat.

I do not advise attempting homework after drinking Budlight.

However, eating a giant rice krispy treat is advisable. But not if you’re going to eat an entire pizza, half of a pie, countless Fun Size Almond Joys or sip a large Sprite through a handful of Sour Punch Straws that you devour once they’ve turned into a gooey mess.

Finding websites for your friends to turn into dating whores is fun.

I couldn’t decide if this evil eye was protecting or harming occupants of the small coffee shop bathroom.

Cute little temple stickers are awesome prizes for piñatas. I strongly suggest wearing one on your cardigan sweater before going into the state owned liquor and freaking out when you see your favorite beer.

My friend’s mom called her privates her Secret Treasures.

I couldn’t get that damn “Secret Lovers” song out of my mind, only the lyrics were about Secret Treasures.

I still can’t decide which is worse: booze hangover or food hangover. I guess I’ll have to drink too much soon for proper comparison. If I play my cards right I can probably blame a boozy hangover on Aaron. Since he made me eat all sorts of food for him, I’m sure he’d find plenty of high calorie cocktails for me to consume for him too. You know, cause that’s what friends are for and shit.

I knew I was with the right bunch when I got reprimanded for making people’s faces and tummies hurt from excessive laughter.

Categories:birthday, friends
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I Get So Emotional Baby

October 17th, 2007 · No Comments

Dearest California,

I finally made my plane reservation! Next month we will be reunited, for an extended weekend.

I started a list of everything I miss about you…but it got really long (and depressing). It began to resemble the ad space at the back of high school year books that are full of useless acroynms, forgotten and meaningless shortly after graduation.

The Cliff Notes version is that I cannot wait to put my arms around all my loved ones! Oh the places we will go! The beach! San Francisco! And numerous bars with far less ridiculous drinking laws than Utah! Oh! My! The fun we will have!

Devotedly,

Pants

Categories:fresh as a daisy, friends, life tastes better with Zachary's pizza
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‘I Really Like Her ‘

October 14th, 2007 · No Comments

I met Sarah’s friend, Aimee, today at brunch. I knew I’d like her when I saw that we were wearing the same shoes.

Sarah makes fun of me for saying “I like him/her” in the same tone of voice, each time she introduces me to a new friend. The truth is, I miss home so much, I fear my head may implode.

Here’s to meeting more Vans friends and my head keeping it’s current form.

Categories:friends, Sarah has MAD coffee table wiener, shoes
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Pants, pants, PANTS!