- Why does flying make me sofucking tired?
- If you run around the (airport) terminal muttering, “Who do I have to fucking blow to get a Diet Coke around here?” Men will stare at you, longingly.
- If you start crying in an airport terminal everyone will stare at you.
- Never again will I neglect to choose my seat in advance. I sat directly next to the toilet, both flights. I had to restrain myself from planting a kiss punching the douchebag in the baby maker who left the folding bathroom door OPEN after taking a dump. So much for packing a snack?.
- I had an incredible time with my friends, though it’s NEVER long enough. I REALLY missed my Neil. He has the most adorable little chicken. (And NO, chicken is not a euphemism for penis, perverts!) Please cross your fingers Neil has to come to Utah on business soon – since that appears to be the only way to trick get friends to visit Utah.
- Neil seemed to be leading the club of friends who think I need to write a book about my family (among other things). Is it really that unusual to have a relative fake their own death? (HEE!)
- For once in my life, could the man resting his elbow on muffin top for the entire flight be young and attractive, or at least not suffer wretched halitosis?
- Last night, after spending the evening with my friends at their beautiful wedding reception, I cried like a baby on the walk to my rental car. And I’m not even having my period! I just really love being home.
- Though there are many things I don’t like about Utah, I couldn’t imagine leaving my two-year-old niece. I feel truly lucky to be a part of her everyday life. I know her far better than I would if I lived in another state. I love that she woke up after she and my sister dropped me off at the airport and squawked for my Ditty Bops CD. Then made my sister replay it over and over before she said my name, “Miss her” and sighed dramatically. It’s even pretty cute when she hushes me for talking during Shrek, until she reaches her boiling point, holds one finger up and shrieks, “AHH-NOYING!”
- My heart is mixed up. It’s confusing to long for home when home means two different places.
- I met my cousin’s 5 month old baby for the first time. He’s a doll. All I wanted to do was squeeze all of his chins and make him giggle.
- I also met my dear friend Lulu’s baby boy. In case you’re wondering what it’s like to hold a 3 week old baby, it’s HEAVEN. What a sweet little peanut. I loved every second that he snuggled up against me, taking a nap, while we sat and visited.
- It might be less depressing to leave the bay area without listening to Beck’s “Sea Change” but I can’t fucking help it.
- I might be less homesick if I could focus on the 6 men I have go-sees (coffee dates) with this week. I hope this means I’m about to get my slut back on! Enough of this club celibacy bullshit, already.
Entries Tagged as 'friends'
Travel Observations/Questions
September 28th, 2008 · 14 Comments
Categories:Uncategorized, friends, list, obviously crazy to leave the bay area
Tagged:
Happy Birthday Love!
August 31st, 2008 · 7 Comments
Today is my dear friend Stephanie’s birthday. I am sad that we aren’t able to celebrate her birthday for another month. BOO!
Steph collects cookie jars so I was extremely excited when I found her THE COOLEST COOKIE JAR ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. It’s too fucking awesome to ship it because I would literally die if it were hurt in the process. So Stephanie will have this picture to get excited about until I’m able to deliver it in person.
Super Happy Birthday wishes Stephanie. Love you madly, hope the next month goes by quickly!!! xoxo
Categories:Uncategorized, birthday, friends
Tagged:cookie jar·John Deere·the bomb
I am lazy, here are weekend photos
August 18th, 2008 · 18 Comments
Your heart has to be incredibly black not to dig Willy Wonka. Especially when performed entirely by children.
Why do they have to close at 11:00pm?
Confession: I’m about to go all granola. Please shake some sense into me if I start sporting a giant turd of a dreadlock.
First half of Sunday. Vintage Coats & Clarke pattern found here.
Second half of Sunday. Embroidery has become my favorite addiction. Vintage Coats & Clarke’s pattern found here.
Categories:Uncategorized, crafty, friends
Tagged:bird·embroidery·flower·greasy spoon·hiking·Utah·Wonka
Only in Utah
August 6th, 2008 · 31 Comments
I received a postcard from a friend last week that said, “I pretend you’re on a really long vacation…it is easier that way.” It made me cry a little, but I’m trying to keep the same mindset.
Here are a few awesome things, unique to Utah, that I’m putting in my Utah Vacation File…
My almost-two-year-old niece. She drew this super awesome picture of a “boogie” this week. Watching her grow blows my mind.
Old school bff, Stephanie; we’ve been friends for twenty years! I love her butt. How freaking cute are her kids?
Religious stickers at the grocery store. No explanation necessary.
Theatrical releases of Mormon movies. The Errand of Angels will be in theaters shortly. I don’t know much about it…other than it’s about sister missionaries and watching it would make me vomit. This doesn’t seem to bother people who’ve lived here for a long time, but I find it FUCKING WEIRD. All sorts of creepy religious movies and my motherfucking zombies are no where to be found? Total crap.
Freaky modest clothing shops for people who need longer sleeves and less legs. So much better than the alternative Ho’s in Training shops I’m used to in California.
My Grandma.
Cheap Holly Hobbie rip off stenciled public restrooms.
Religious statues, ripe for the molesting!
My parent’s cat…who has become my cat. My jewelry, pacifier, tampon thieving cat. He is so damn naughty.
Categories:I miss sleeping, I want my fucking zombies, Uncategorized, Utahrds, friends, it's called sarcasm, jack jack
Tagged:
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!
July 28th, 2008 · 18 Comments
I traveled back in time on Saturday night to 1995! All with the help of Jägermeister AND Goldschläger.
It all started with “real” (alcohol percentage) beer from California which I alternated with “water”…also known as light beer. Then came the sip of Jager from someone’s Carl’s Jr. cup, no ice. That is some hardcore shit, yo! But that was just a sip. Then there were the Goldschlager shots. I can testify to the cinnamon-y goodness being a wee bit over powering. But Diet Mountain Dew seemed to really help that issue. Yes, I just admitted to shooting Goldschläger and Diet Mountain Dew. God bless Utah and their inaccessibility of booze that make booze so appealing!
We played Apples to Apples which is now my favorite new game OF EVER. I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants on their living room floor.
My favorite quote of the night was when Chris yelled, “Somebody get in here and give me a sponge bath!” It is impossible not to love that. IMPOSSIBLE!
I was pretty pissed off at myself when I realized I had forgotten my camera. Luckily, Aimee brought hers, and I took about a million pictures with it. I’m sure the photos all really super awesome because my photographic abilities increase exponentially when I start taking shots. It’s too bad we weren’t able to get photographic evidence of the party that their next door neighbors were having. It was like mariachi band meets rave meets house party. It was SO LOUD! And big! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a house party that big. And I used to live in Oakland, so I’ve seen some shit. Frankly, the loud ass party made me miss California. It was damn fun to watch and listen from Sue’s back patio.
Weekends like that make my many weekends of hermit-dom worth it. Who needs a boyfriend when I have such an incredibly hilarious adoptive family? Seriously love them stupid.
Categories:Uncategorized, barfing rainbows, friends, happy happy joy joy, holy rad
Tagged:
List-A-Rama
July 11th, 2008 · 12 Comments
- My first boyfriend has five kids. F-I-V-E, FIVE!
- Rlo told me I should watch How Stella Got Her Groove Back this weekend. I’m not sure what I find funnier: Rlo’s suggestion or that he has actually seen it.
- That depends on whether or not Jack Jack is willing to forfeit Saturday night made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
- Watching Benny Boy almost get in a fight with some random guy (who tried to cut in the beer line – no cuts, no butts, no coconuts!) after we waited for thirty minutes was surreal.
- Though not as surreal as seeing Rlo chest bump him afterward.
- I may have made that up. I was suffering from severe lack of beer, yo.
- I’m in love with free printable stationary. HELLO CUTENESS!
- Stephanie is right. Saying, “I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now” is just another way to say “I don’t want to be with YOU.” Harsh? Maybe. True? Yes. Did I need it? Yuppers.
- Steph promptly followed up with, “Anyone who doesn’t want to be with you is fucking retarded!”
- Duh.
- This week has been one giant déjà vu.
- I have a date with my grandma this weekend.
- Replacing smoking with sunflower seeds makes for a belly ache.
- I suppose a tummy ache is worth not dying from emphysema.
- I have fallen in love with Good News For People Who Love Bad News (again).
- The end.
Categories:All About Pants, friends, jack jack, list
Tagged:
My Face Wasn’t Eaten by a Bear
June 30th, 2008 · No Comments
Too beat to give a proper breakdown of the camping trip, but I’d do the weekend all the same. I had a freaking fabulous time and loved getting to know everyone better.
Luckily this is a short week and I only have four days till the next weekend. Yay!
Categories:barfing rainbows, friends, happy happy joy joy
Tagged:
Keep Smilin’, Keep Shinin’
June 13th, 2008 · No Comments
Me: Know what’s awesome? Smoking on my way to the gym. Gross.
Zanny: Oh wow! I may have to kick your butt.
Me: Afraid I may need it.
Zanny: Smoking all the time?
Me: Close.
Zanny: Got it. We need an intervention?
Me: Probably.
Me: That’s yes in denial-ese.
Zanny: OK. Expect a large Italian man with a baseball bat.
Me: How big is his penis?
Zanny: As big as the bat. He tucks it into his sock.
Me: OMG. I can’t wait!
Zanny: I figured that he could keep your mind off smoking.
Me: True dat.
Zanny: You thought I was going to have him cap your ass. Instead he’s going to spank it.
Categories:Shh!, Uncategorized, friends
Tagged:
Just One of Dem Days
June 1st, 2008 · No Comments
Today I played catch up with a friend over a bottle of wine. We got to talking about people who come in and out of our lives…she said it sounds like there’s another chapter about someone who dropped out of my life. I sort of wish there were, and that bums me out.
On my drive home I felt really drained and icky so I stopped at a park, laid in the grass and watched the clouds roll by.
Still feeling icky, solitary and borderline emotional, I did what any good emotional dummy does: I curled up in bed with my cat and watched an episode of Intervention. Bah. That show is one depressing motherfucker. But it did the trick. Then I took eighty-four pictures of my cat. (Yes, EIGHTY-FOUR.) I’d post a few of them, but WordPress hates me right now.
