Pants, pants, PANTS!

1. I HATE it when crumbs stick to my feet.
2. How the hell does this household not have a broom?
3. I am going to cut myself if I forget to buy a broom the next time I leave this house.
4. It looks like an obsessive compulsive disorder spider monkey cleaned the fuck out of my kitchen.
5. It looks like that OCD spider monkey’s slow brother organized this kitchen. Uh-duuuuh.
6. Well, it used to look like that slow monkey organized this kitchen.
7. Of course I’d rather be cleaning and organizing shit instead of sleeping at 5:00AM.
8. How do black skid marks get in the middle of the refrigerator door?
9. I am no longer have fear in my heart when I look at the microwave.
10. Clorox Wipes are my friend.
11. Cactus shaped margarita glasses are ugly as FUCK.
12. I threw away more than 20 random, dirty, mismatched pieces of Tupperware that belonged to the old FILTHY roommate.
13. When my boyfriend woke up he said, “You are like a cleaning ninja!”
14. When our roommate woke up he said, “SERIOUSLY, who cleans BEHIND the microwave?!”
15. I’m ready to make guacamole and black bean salsa for the Super Bowl…just as soon as I clean up after whatever the roommate left in his breakfast wake.