Customer Service Bullshit | Pants, pants, PANTS!

Entries Tagged as 'Customer Service Bullshit'

Disenchanted

September 16th, 2009 · 7 Comments

“I suffer no illusions that this will be an easy process. It will be hard. But I also know that nearly a century after Teddy Roosevelt first called for reform, the cost of our health care has weighed down our economy and the conscience of our nation long enough. So let there be no doubt: health care reform cannot wait, it must not wait, and it will not wait another year.”

– President Barack Obama, February 24, 2009

I hope and pray that health care reform change begins ASAP. Unfortunately I fear that will not happen.

After watching the President’s address to the joint session of Congress on Health Care I found myself extremely disenchanted: not with anything Mr. President said (he was quite inspiring), I was disheartened to hear the booing and yelling from the Republican side of Congress and the very inappropriate outburst from Rep. Joe Wilson. If Congressional members cannot express feelings and ideas in a civil manner it is no wonder American citizens are not capable of positive political discourse. I have started to close myself off politically because nothing positive comes from sharing my thoughts and feelings. There is no exchange of ideas and principles, only yelling and bickering. We can’t even talk to each other anymore! We are surrounded by shocking and distasteful beliefs, actions, and tactics. My greatest fear is that the political shenanigans between the two political parties will prevent any real change or progress.

The previous paragraph was brought to you by the grief and emotional eruption resulting from receiving the following letter from the hospital where I received my D&C in February. After five months of consistent payments they mailed me this:

“***FINAL NOTICE***

This is our final effort. We value your patronage and want you as a patient. But, as much as we regret, your account may be placed with an outside agency for collection unless full payment is made within the next ten (10) days.”

BULLSHIT! They do not value my patronage or want me as a patient. If they did, they wouldn’t be such pricks. The phone calls to them are nothing short of horrific. I swear the call center representatives at the hospital were direct hired DMV employee rejects with anger and rage issues. I know it’s probably an error (I hope) and I will call them shortly to attempt resolution, but I am not looking forward to it anymore than I would look forward to a colonoscopy.

Receiving that letter really struck a chord in me. I am sick and fucking tired of all the bullshit associated with our health care and the political responses to the possibilities of change. So I did what any normal American would do, I wrote a letter to the President. I was going to email it but I think intent can be lost in the current electronic shuffle. So I’m rocking it old school and sending my letter via snail mail.

Categories:Anxiety, Assholes, Customer Service Bullshit, I’ve lost that loving feeling, dumb, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, miscarriage, overshare, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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This Place is a Prison

May 1st, 2009 · 14 Comments

When Mike gets the mail in our enormous apartment complex he sings Postal Service’s “This place is a prison, and these people aren’t your friends…” That’s how I feel when I go to my OBGYN’s office. That waiting room is fucking HELL. The mindless receptionist took one look at my chart and said, “You need to go talk to billing.” She used the tone I would use if I were talking to an animal that just pissed on my couch. I told her I called and spoke with their billing department that morning and arranged to pay a small portion of the large balance*. She made a huffy noise and I went to find a seat.

I hate that waiting room. Being surrounded by pregnant women and their significant others is a bloody nightmare. Sitting in the same room where we waited to hear what came next after seeing our still baby inside of me, is fucking rough. The room was packed and I sandwiched myself between two very pronounced baby bumps. Shortly after the receptionist started calling my name. She began explaining to a pregnant woman near the door that I needed to go to the billing department. When she realized she was talking to the wrong person she just repeated louder that I needed to see the billing department IMMEDIATELY. So I did. They wanted me to make a payment on my balance then make a co-pay at the end of my doctor’s visit…um, BITE ME. After settling my bill I returned to the time out area waiting room and sat wishing I’d packed a flask.

On my walk home I found myself doing the same thing that Marty wrote about here: the game of what ifs. Trying to figure out where I went wrong: maybe it was the Diet Crush I drank on occasion but didn’t realize had caffeine (why is there caffeine in orange soda anyway)? Maybe I should have been more careful about not lifting heavy objects? I should have listened to my sister when she told me not to shovel the driveway. I should have taken it easier….

Even with all this, I feel a little bit better today. Mike and I have a fun weekend planned and I’m not even angry it’s raining outside and ruining my walk (anymore).

* When I called to make arrangements for paying off my balance the woman told me they would not be able to accept small payments and I needed to pay in full – wouldn’t that be nice?! That wasn’t nearly as bad as when she stated, “You’re pregnant” while trying to figure out why I was billed for my 1st prenatal visit 2 months later, instead of at the end. I had to tell her the freaking bills were due to my miscarriage and D&C. Cue crying.

Categories:Assholes, Customer Service Bullshit, fuck you mother nature, miscarriage, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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Victoria’s Secret, You’re Fired!

February 7th, 2008 · No Comments

Dear Vicky S.,

Yesterday I threw money away in one of your stores. I’ve been in need of “restocking” for some time now and was a little disappointed with your selection. Even more disappointing was the store manager …what a bitch. She was consistently rude: attitude, rolling eyes, slamming shit around on the floor. I know I could have asked her name and called your customer service number, but I value my life (and chest) so I opted to avoid eye contact.

Today I was excited to wear the ONE decent bra I purchased. Only, it turns out to be rather indecent. “Bad” indecent! Underwire should not leave me aching and adjusting/hiding behind my office door after six and a half hours of wear.

Rather than go back to the bitchy manager’s store and exchange, I’m going to drive out of my way and hope for better staff and selection.

Angrily yours,

Pants

Categories:Assholes, Customer Service Bullshit, buying stuff, crap
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Because telling my therapist about it wasn’t enough.

June 21st, 2007 · No Comments

Incredibly bitchy observations from forty-five minutes in my cell phone provider’s store and a wasted afternoon with their customer service department.

According to the sales rep, it’s impossible that my cell phone does not work at my home because his zip code map says I have excellent coverage. Praise Jesus! A drawing says my phone doesn’t drop phone calls every ten seconds? Silly me, I’ll go home, drop some more calls and start cutting myself.

The sales rep followed up his convincing explanation of what a map is with, “The good news is, you’re qualified for a free phone and new contract.” Well color me happy! More crappy service and a longer contract?! Please! Sign me up! Do you know where I can pick up some syphilis? I think I want some of that too.

Then a Sprint miracle happened: a technician was dispatched to my address! He confirmed that I live in a bad cell reception area, they’ve submitted information about my dead zone and will possibly repair the problem in one to two years. Oh, and they’ve made note of this on my account.

THANK YOU SPRINT FOR NOTING THAT I HAVE SHITTY COVERAGE AND MUST LEAVE MY RESIDENCE TO USE MY PHONE. THIS REALLY MAKES ME WARM INSIDE. SERIOUSLY, I’M ABOUT TO NEED A FRESH PAIR OF PANTS.

Then I had the privilege of holding for so long that I had to hang up in the name of bladder infection avoidance. This certainly didn’t fuel my anger the next time I called back.

The first line of customer service offense is to employ “representatives” who speak English, but so mumbled I couldn’t understand a freaking word. Seriously, three minutes with this person and I have no idea if it was a man or woman. For all I know, I could have been Boo from Monsters Inc.

Just in case I didn’t get enough of the shitty cell phone ring music, I got to hear it AGAIN! AND AGAIN! For a long time! Seriously, it was worse than Muzak. It got so bad I would have been happy to hear anything with words and actual instruments. Even Celine Dion would have made me happy. (I never in my life thought I would type the previous sentence. Someone please intervene if I start speaking positively about that Cathy bitch and Family Circus.)

I really liked leaving my information with the first, second and third customer service reps! It’s really nice to repeat my account numbers, passwords and detailed explanation of my problem each time I’m transferred to a new embodiment of Satan. I thrive on this type of effective customer service.

And yes, I do think “that’s crap” is an appropriate response when you say something ridiculous. Same goes for “I don’t believe you.” Yes, I’m flipping you off from my end of the phone. You watch out next time you tell me something that angers me. It could be the second time you tell me that I signed a really bad contract. I’m not afraid to bust out the I’m-rubber-you’re-glue defense.

To make myself feel better about the whole stupid exchange I made an M&M character of the final woman who “helped” me today.

The customer service rep M&M is going to be kicked by the karate guy, the anvil will fall on her head and then we’ll either bbq her or stir her in the cauldron. I haven’t decided the best way to eat her. I’m open to suggestions.

Categories:Assholes, Customer Service Bullshit, Vomit
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