I was over at -R-’s blog and read this brilliant post titled Don’t Make Me Punch You In The Weiner. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one going out of my mind over, well, annoying bullshit. So I decided to play along.
1. It’s impossible to find a proper fucking onion bagel in Utah. The only local bagel store caters to the local tastes (SWEET) and stopped making onion bagels. This infuriates me. I’m considering making bagels at home which is far more work than I want to put in to eat a bagel.
2. I hate it when I cannot solve a problem or conflict and I feel lost in it. I feel that way right now over something that happened with a friend. I’m not sure how to deal with it so I’ve decided to say FUCK IT. I’m not feeling very well about it.
3. Grandma has congestive heart failure and is carrying about 20 extra pounds of water weight so her doctor prescribed diuretics. Diuretics make Grandma CRAZY with anxiety and fear about the toilet and potty and accidents. I understand that it’s stressful to have to move around a lot to go to the bathroom (especially at my grandma’s age) but it is hard to talk about it ALL DAY LONG. Grams went to the bathroom three times in 3 hours and she was screaming, “I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TEN TIMES!” But it’s not worth arguing with her because it’s like trying to reason with a two year old. A very powerful two year old. She’s getting older and more confused (especially with water weight, which makes confusion worse) and it has been difficult lately and I feel like complaining about it makes me a bad person so I’ve been pretty quiet about it. (At least online.)
4. There is no “x” is espresso. I don’t think this will ever not bother me.
Categories:Anxiety, Assholes, confession, crap, list
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I have all this great stuff happening right now. I’m really happy with Mike. We had the sort of weekend that was so good it almost didn’t seem real when Monday rolled around. Our wedding planning seems to be literally falling into place… then, BAM! I get knocked over by depression.
Everything is rolling along fine until some inane person (my mother’s co-worker yesterday at lunch) asked me if I’m pregnant or have kids. I’m reminded it hasn’t even been three full months since the miscarriage. It was really fucking awkward. I know we can try again when we’re ready but that doesn’t comfort the empty ache inside of me.
So now I’m back to making a concerted effort to act “normal.” Doing my best to keep my sadness tucked inside. The worst part is I don’t even feel like crying: I just feel numb. I keep hoping that I’ll just feel better. One of my sister’s friends went through a similar experience and it took her about as long to pay off the miscarriage medical bills as it did to feel better. I certainly hope it doesn’t take that long.
I know that exercise would be helpful but I’m having a lot of trouble sticking to a routine…partly because I just feel like laying in bed and partly because I’m having trouble paying a gym membership when I should be using money for my miscarriage medical bills, wedding expenses, or saving for a place of our own…which I’d explain further but I refuse to do roommate bitching on top of all my whining. So I’m crossing my fingers that my sister gets over her sinus infection soon because hiking with her (and my niece!) always makes me feel better.
Also, I should probably stop listening to The Weakerthans so much. (Boo.)
Categories:I’ve lost that loving feeling, The Crazy, confession, crap, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, miscarriage, overshare
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Did anyone else have a particularly crap Monday this week? Mine was so disappointing, especially after an unbelievably upbeat weekend.
My math teacher is in the habit of hanging on to our homework and tests FOREVER. So long, that I asked whether or not we would be receiving any of them back (he’s yet to return ANY of our homework). We took test #3 before receiving test #2 back. Turns out I totally bombed test #2, which would have been really fucking nice to know before taking test #3. Especially since math is a subject where concepts build upon one another and now I’m freaked out that I may have bombed the most recent test (which I wouldn’t fucking know because he hasn’t graded mine yet…though he did grade the majority of the rest of the class – WTF man?!), when I could have worked on misunderstood concepts if my teacher wasn’t so fucking lazy, and did his goddamned job.
I spent the better part of the morning feeling really crushed and did a semi-decent amount of crying. (Thank god for clear mascara gel – not that it mattered by the end of the day because even though my lashes looked pretty good, I still looked like someone had punched me in the face and rubbed lemon juice into my eyes.)
My dismal math scores led me to the (very adult, very disappointing) decision to cancel my trip to St. George this weekend. I seriously need to buckle down and do a sick amount of studying and I know that I won’t be able to do that if I’m out of town, having fun, as planned with Stephanie. Even though I know I need to stay home, I’m so bummed I can hardly stand it. While talking it over with my sister I started bawling. While breaking the news to Stephanie I started bawling. While thinking about it in the car I started bawling. (Notice a pattern?)
I just feel like shit for disappointing Stephanie. We haven’t seen each other since the 4th of July and we’re both lonely for each other. I hate this. I’m hoping today will be better and I’ll feel like less of a failure – in school and my personal life. The general ick of yesterday began to seep into other aspects of my life and suddenly I was an insecure cotton-headed ninny muggin. And it was about shit that I have NOTHING to worry about. Sometimes I really hate having feelings.
Now come on, commiserate with me about your shitty Monday and help me feel better, would ya?
Categories:Assholes, I've had better mornings, crap, frumpasaurus, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, too bad I don't have mental health coverage
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September 18th, 2008 · 17 Comments
What’s the title have to do with me being broke? Nothing really, except that I’ve got Ol’ Dirty Bastard stuck on my mind and I’m about to bitch about finances.
It turns out I’m not the only one stressed out over being a broke-ass student. Before I went to visit my friend last weekend I had $30 in my bank account and nine days until pay day. So I did what any self-sufficient thirty-two year old woman living in her parent’s basement would do: I snaked $12 in quarters from my dad’s ski fund. The TSA agent freaked out when she saw my backpack in the x-ray machine and asked me if I had a roll of quarters in my bag. Apparently, stealing borrowing quarters from your dad is a crime against aviation.
Since then, my financial aid arrived (FINALLY!). For the moment I have some cash, but I’m freaked out to spend it because I can very easily be back in the same broke-ass situation. There are a few things I need to do, but I’m torn about spending the money (other than repaying dad’s ski fund and purchasing an external hard drive). I’m debating whether or not to take a trip to the bay area next weekend for a friend’s wedding reception. The bride wants me to save my money and visit during Christmas break when I have more money (HA!) and time (so we can visit this place). Which I totally think I should do, except that my cousin and her new baby are going to be in town (because of me) and my dear friend Lulu just had her first baby and I don’t want to let either of them down.
The only solution I’ve been able to come up with, thus far, is to get my hands on some anthrax vaccine. I heard and ad on the radio offering $500 CASH MONEY to plasma donors who’ve been vaccinated for anthrax. Plasma proceeds would be wisely spent to visit my family and friends and maybe to purchase a hooker wardrobe for the next time I’m hurting for cash.
Categories:crap, getting my learn on, if anyone needs me I'll be drinking in my closet, it's called sarcasm
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Stop leaving fruit on the front seat of your car while you’re in class because boiling lava hot apricots, bananas and plums are nasty.
Categories:I miss sleeping, crap
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“Oh crap, I’m late! I’m supposed to be out the door in ten minutes.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m meeting my friend Meg for drinks.”
“Oh, that sounds like fun.”
“Yeah, but I look like hell. I’ll be back in a few minutes, ready to go. Not that I’ll look different…I’m just putting on more makeup and clean underwear.”
(Awkward silence)
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Er, nothing, just that I don’t have time to shower.”
Categories:crap
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- Tell Bishop Deal that a friend of a friend sent you a wiener photo that directly violated the rules and regulations of Club Celibacy.
- Wait for Deal to IM you the word “ew” a gazillion times and ask if the picture was really from this guy.
- Assure Bishop Deal that is was, in fact, this guy and that he put “a lot” of work into the picture.
- (Choke back vomit.)
- Tell Bishop Deal you’ve never met the guy, but now if you do, you’ll be all, “What’s up mister penis pants camera phone picture dude?!”
- Wait for Bishop Deal to beg you to meet this guy in a public place and confess to feeling worried and “mother bear-ish” for you.
- Let Bishop Deal know that you have no intention of meeting mister penis pants camera phone picture dude. Especially because it’d be a bitch to return to the repentance process. (ha ha)
Categories:Bishop Deal, Club Celibacy, cobwebs in my privates?, crap, it's called sarcasm
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I just finished typing a rough draft of my “wonder” paper (whatever the fuck ever that is), stapled the prerequisite three copies together for tomorrow’s peering and realized I neglected to reference essays assigned by my racist, no-example-giving, professor.
Thank god for Milli Vanilli!
Categories:I miss sleeping, crap, queen of procrastination, too busy
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Warning: If you have problems with what my father calls “water closet talk,” please skip this post.
My OCD trouble began when I was traumatized at my first post-high school job. I worked in a small office (just two of us). My male boss and I shared a bathroom. Can you tell where this is going?
I didn’t have trouble with fecal related issues before discovering a very large, very hairy turd that my boss left in the toilet. The most horrific part; there was no toilet paper. NO TOILET PAPER! Who does that?! I mean, leaving a gigantic piece of shit in a toilet is hands-down disgusting, but not even taking the time to wipe your own ass? WHO DOES THAT?! That is some serious filthiness to not bother wiping your own butthole.
From there my mental state deteriorated when I realized that someone who couldn’t be bothered to wipe their own butthole would surely not be caught up with pesky habits like hand washing. I fell apart when I looked around the cramped, overstuffed office and realized that everything around me was surely contaminated with filthy no-butthole-wiping-no-hand-washing fecal matter.
Categories:Assholes, Found, Memory, Poop, crap, dumb
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“I’m late for school, no time to wash these grapes.”
“If you’re worried about fecal matter, there’s not really anything you can do to wash them, outside of cleaning them with rubbing alcohol.”
“FECAL MATTER?”
“Oops, sorry! I forgot about your problem.”
“You know how I get.”
“All I was saying was that fecal matter…”
“STOP IT!”
“It’s just that fecal matter…”
“Why do you do this to me?”
Categories:crap, mid-thirties teenage angst
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