Like many people, I’m having a rough time financially. After the miscarriage I was left staring at my WIC checks and my empty bank account: unsure what to do and feeling too guilty to use them. Last week I finally worked up the courage to call the WIC office and ask what to with my remaining checks after the miscarriage. When the woman told me to continue using them because WIC services are still available to women for six months following miscarriage I was so happy, relieved, and sad that I started crying.
Tonight I used a WIC check: the cashier was really talkative and friendly and asked for my phone number so I could get grocery points for my WIC purchase. She went on to say their baby rewards value club doesn’t recognize WIC purchases without manually inputting a customer’s phone number. When she asked if I was part of the baby rewards value club I said no, hoping she would just put information about it in my bag and leave it at that…but she didn’t. She asked when my baby was due. I didn’t know what to say, so I told her the truth, that I had miscarried and WIC offered their services to women like me for six months. I felt horrible. She felt horrible. The just-barely-made-it-to-a-halfway-house bagger looked like he felt bad though I don’t think he quite understood what happened. I couldn’t even run out of the store because she had started ringing up my non-WIC purchase. The tears started before I even made it out of the store. I suppose asking a woman on WIC how far along she is, isn’t such a strange question, I just wish it didn’t feel so bad.
Add to the list of things to feel bad about: today I bought a pack of cigarettes. I know this is disappointing to people in my life. Frankly, it’s disappointing to me too. I just feel so awful and stressed and unsure what the fuck to do with myself and smoking just sounded good, though it’s obviously not a smart choice. So I’m having a cocktail, eating Cadbury Mini Eggs, making some microwave popcorn and praying for today to end and tomorrow to be less painful.
Friend, I am sorry you are going through this. Do what you have to to make it through to the other side.
xo
Pants, I wish i could send you a deep fried cupcake or 6.
Sending good thoughts your way
I know nothing I say will help, but just know that you have many readers hearing you. My heart hurts for you and I hope you find peace with this whole situation soon. Do what you gotta do.
Oh god! I can only imagine how many cigarettes I would console myself with if I was in your shoes.
<3<3<3
No one is disappointed in you. I’ll smoke one (or fifty) with you
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I had no idea that WIC did that. But it’s awesome because you still need to take care of yourself and having that service afterwards is amazing.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that at the store. Definitely rough. Big hugs for you.
I don’t even know what to say except to echo what everyone else just said. Hang in there, friend. Somehow, someday hopefully not all that long from now, it will be OK.
When I’m going through bad/hard times, I just have to remind myself that everything is temporary. The pain is not permanent, and with time, you will heal and tart to feel better.
Buying smokes? Good for you. Smoking may be bad, passe, whatevs….but I think you deserve a ciggy or two. I hopt to join you for one, next week.
I ache for you- this all just seems so tough. And like everyone else said…do what you gots to do right now to get through this!
Good thoughts sent your way.
It is okay to ask for help. It’s okay to use that help – a lot of people are hurting. I’m glad that whatever funding I do (through strange gov’t voodew) is going to you and your family. I agree – do what you need to do – and this too shall pass.
I will punch anyone in the face who is mean to you.
Who cares what other people think huh? It’s a stressful time and whatever it takes to get through.
Big hugs and lots of love your way. Cigarettes seem like a very small thing compared to what you’re going through.
Really, like others have said, do what you need to do to get through it.
But don’t forget that there IS light at the end of that tunnel. It gets brighter, and dimmer… but you will come out the other side.
And hell, if you had to buy a pack of smokes to get there, so be it.
I’ve been reading for such a long time and I look forward to everytime I see your posts in my reader. I just went through a situation that is very similar to yours and it’s heart breaking. I appreciate how honest you are though.
It’s so cliche but with everything bad and tragic, there are wonderful things coming.
Smoke up, it’s almost the weekend!
I second everyone’s comments.
I think it would be wrong not to acknowledge feeling sad. I feel better being authentic about it. Some things just feel bad! It’s no use pretending. At least it’s not permanent. To quote a dear friend: “you have to feel it to heal it.”
And another thing – now isn’t the time to quit smoking. At least it’s not meth.
Tell us, oh Pants, how we can support you, ok? You have many fans.
Just passing by.Btw, you website have great content!
______________________________
Don’t pay for your electricity any longer…
Instead, the power company will pay YOU!
I’m glad Mike stopped by to show you how save money on electricity.
All kidding aside, I think you buying cigarettes today is okay. Having a drink is okay. You know yourself very well and you’ll keep yourself grounded. You’ve also got one heck of a guy by your side.
Don’t pay for your cigarettes any longer! We pass the savings on to YOU!
Oh, honey. I am way late in expressing this, but I’m really sorry you went through such a terrible loss (and then subsequent awkward moments in the grocery line).