I was proud of myself because the only time I cried was (very briefly) on the phone with my sister. Then I came home to a $3941 bill from the hospital for my D&C. (Commence freak out.) Hopefully my insurance company will pick some (er, ALL) of that up but I don’t have high hopes; thus far I have had shitty coverage at best.
Before I was realized I need to hold off worrying for a little bit, I had a complete breakdown. Which I think is an understandable reaction to receiving a large bill as a result of the miscarriage. I don’t think my reaction would have been quite so extreme if I weren’t already having some pretty serious financial problems…not knowing how I’m going to pay for my current bills, partly as a result of taking time off because of the miscarriage = stressful times infinity.
When I emailed my mother about the billing mess I told her I hoped my insurance would pick some of it up (AHEM, all of it) because opening a bill for the removal of our no longer viable fetus just seemed cruel upon the horror of everything else.
To which my mother replied: “You will eventually have to stop using statements about your baby that inflame your emotions. Think of nurturing statements to be good to yourself. Wrap a little blankee around yourself.”
I know my mother was just trying to be helpful, but COME ON! It’s been only been two weeks. I’m allowed to say whatever the fuck I want. I can use whatever statements I want about my no longer viable fetus (which I even toned down for her – I have no qualms working my way through my insurance phone tree repeatedly asking why they aren’t covering the removal of my dead baby from my uterus). Besides, that is EXACTLY what happened. The medical term is missed abortion: intrauterine pregnancy is present but is no longer developing normally with fetal demise prior to 20 weeks’ gestation.
My mother and I have always dealt with things differently. I have a more out-there approach to dealing with sadness and trauma. My mother will write two page emails with detailed descriptions of Sunday drives: white puffy clouds and how they look upon a blue sky, the way the road winds through the mountain, which wildflowers are in bloom and how many she pressed for later use, the book on CD they listened to, animals they may have passed, etc.. At the very end of the email she will include an incomplete sentence letting me know that my father’s bladder cancer* has recurred and he’ll be seeking treatment for it. F that.
So that was how my week, how was yours?
*My dad is currently fine; I was just using this as an example of our different methods of coping and communication.
Sorry about all this bullshit. I think concentrating on handling your financial situation first will be the best way to ease your mind in the long run. Once you have that under control and no longer nagging at you, you can deal with the other stuff better. Good luck.
Holy crap. I can’t believe your mother said that to you.
That is particularly awful.
You grieve the way you need to. Fuck everyone else.
I really mean it, Pants, if you need anything, let me know on the insurance front. I realize that might be odd, but no more odd than asking your local benefits person for help…
My week sucked too. We buried a friend and I got sick. Your weeks WILL get better, but I know it will take a lot of time.
My mother-in-law, bless her, (she’s no longer with us), said to my husband when I didn’t get custody of my 17 year old (then 5 year old) for no good reason – “oh, if she’s still having a hard time with that she should go get some pills”. PILLS ARE GOING TO MEND MY BROKEN HEART? I DON’T THINK SO, MA’AM. Time does that.
Argh. They mean well, but they have no freaking idea.
At least she didn’t say she’d put your name on the temple book.
I too don’t really know what to say to make things better and comfort you. All I can tell you is that I love you and will help you in any way I can.
It’s too bad that certain people aren’t being considerate to your emotions right now.
Medical bills suck major donkey ass. I have no idea how I came out of the hole I was in with that, but I did. I hope the best for you on all fronts.
Also sorry to hear this. Best of luck to you in dealing with the insurance. I had heard, not sure if this is helpful, but some insurance companies have policies to not pay until the third call that a customer makes. I’m serious. They wait until your third call or contact and then pay out. And they (and others) wonder why people are thinking about moving to a different system.
A good friend of mine once said – take all the time you need. I always thought that was great advice in a difficult situation.
F that indeed. And fuck the insurance company- there is a special place in hell for medical insurers.
Dude, I’m so sorry.
Its true. You bug the insurance company long enough and they will pay for more shit than you anticipated. When Jon got his knee surgery, his insurance wasn’t going to pay for the cooling system he used, but after bugging them a lot, they actually paid for some of it. The cooling system company still wanted him to pay the remaining and after that and he was even able to bargain with them to pay half of what they were asking. There’s hope for you yet!
You know what bothers me the most about this? I know people who have had abortions and they’re like $600 or something. How come it costs $4000 for a medically necessary D&C but only $600 for an abortion? Your insurance company sucks ass and I hope they rot in hell.
p.s. – I’m not actually psycho, I just get that way when I think about health insurance companies.
Oh geez. I have not gotten my bill yet. I’m really scared to; I hope your insurance covers everything.
I know what you mean about, ahem, other people. I feel like most people expect to have forgotten all about it by now, since it’s been a whole three weeks and everything! I think it takes people by surprise whenever I mention it all.