Last night I met my boyfriend’s dad and step-mom (who were both great, in case you were wondering); she asked what I find weird about living in Utah. There is weird shit everywhere. I’m like the kid from the Sixth Sense, only I see religious oddities instead of dead people. I’m beginning to envy him….
True joy is being able to find greeting cards, specific to “The one and only true church” (VOMIT) in your grocery store. I love picking up religious fucking greeting cards with my groceries. Who doesn’t need a good Priesthood/Superman card, or a true super hero (missionary) greeting? I would trade them all to be able to pick up a bottle of booze in the grocery store.
Moo?
During a walk through downtown SLC we ran across Safety Cow. It’s quite interesting (be it strange) to have a cow perched atop a streetlight. Too bad Utahrds could give a fuck about traffic laws. Why should they? They all have God on their side! A few minutes before this picture was taken a douchebag ACCELERATED at us, with 14 feet of cross walk left. The assclown was eating fast food when he literally cut us off. My boyfriend was talking to his mother (on his cell), and it took all of my self control to only yell, “NICE!” while giving the asshole double middle fingers. It’s a good thing I didn’t have anything in my hands because I would have launched it at him.
All natural COW PIES?! Are you fucking kidding me? I realize they’re trying to be funny (?) and I’m all for poop jokes, but is it really necessary to name your pie company after shit?! “Who wants fecal pie?! Nom, nom, NOM!”
“I would trade them all to be able to pick up a bottle of booze in the grocery store.”
Damn straight woman!
Hells yeah!
I think I’m in love with the safety cow. I think cows should be used more as decoration!
While in Arizona this week, I saw a HUGE rooster (think 10 ft tall) with dried chili peppers around his neck. Genius!
I am from Wisconsin, and even I have never seen a Safety Cow. Wow. It really is a different world out there, isn’t it?
Tiffany,
Aren’t there still cows all over SF?
Stefanie,
Utah is a strange, STRANGE, land.
Is there more than one safety cow? If so, do they all mean “left turn on green only”? Cause you could see a safety cow from far away but if you didn’t know WHICH safety cow it was till you got close enough to read the tiny sign then… chaos!
Jen
I LOVE the safety cow. There is a sign in the back of a comedy club I work at that says “The comedy cow says MOOOVE along” and it makes me laugh every time.
I’m kinda flabbergasted. I would have thought safety cow was some kind of guerilla art or something, if it were any where EXCEPT Utah. And the Cow Pies did make me laugh, but I would never buy or eat one.
You make me laugh.
I like safety cow.
I’m glad I live without the other things, though. And the only missionaries who come to my door are Jeovah’s Witnesses. Only, they stopped coming when I put my Halloween decorations up. There’s a lesson there.
Ha ha! Utahrds! My new favorite word.
Cheers to you on the couplehood development, lady!
Too many exclamation points!
Safety Cow would fit right in here in Wisconsin! I kinda wish we had one in my city.
Also, while Cow Pies sound gross, they are actually quite delectable. Like a giant turtle candy. Think ooey gooey caramel and pecans covered liberally in chocolate. Nom nom nom.
You big city folk have all the fun.
There is no safety cow in Logan, dammit to hell.
Can I get a Safety Cow for my house??
Safety Cow??? WTF???
Yeah, this Safety Cow is a bizarre concept. I think it would be more distracting to read what’s actually on the cow. Maybe Safety Cow needs a scrolling text upgrade.
The Baptism card reminds me of those lame frat and sorority t-shirts that steal slogans all the time.
Dear Lord, I do not miss Utah. At all. Utahrds, people running red lights or missionary cards.
Pants, you want scary, go to the Family Video store in Highland to buy stamps in the Post Office in the back. Going through that place used to absolutely raise the hair on my head. Ugh.
I guess I haven’t been down SLC way in awhile. A trip is in order. I mean, how could I not see Safety Cow?
Mormon merchandise seems too close to becoming money changers in the temple, so to speak. Hell, might as well make a buck out of it. I figure I could come up with something like “The Chasticizer”, a high tech chastity belt with some kind of microprocessor that instantly informs the bishop, parents, and God of any unclean act or thought.
apparently the Safety Cow moves around TRAX and has different messages:
http://slcrevisioned.blogspot.com/2007/01/safety-cow.html
Safety Cow? Wouldn’t that make people get in more accidents? Because, you know, there’s a fucking cow in the sky?
Your utahrds and safety cow have just made my week. I love the pictures.
How about the mormon billboards all up and down I-15? Fantastic.
I’ve always wondered wtf the cow was about. I hate driving past it.
Safety Cow???
Why don’t they get that mega-bitch Gayle Ruzicka and stick her on a pole downtown and let direct traffic.
You are hysterical. I love your blog and can’t believe I’ve been such an ass for being offline so long. Gah.
Hugs hugs.