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How to Piss Me Off

November 20th, 2008 · 20 Comments

  1. Ask which phone number is best to reach me.
  2. Disregard the phone number I give you, leave a vague message on my parent’s home voicemail about “test results” that prompts my mother to email me with the clinic phone number.
  3. When I call for my test results, repeat my name and “PAP” loudly so that everyone in the waiting room can share the joy that is a normal pap smear.

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20 Comments so far ↓

  • J. // Nov 20, 2008 at 11:49 am

    Yeowch! I don’t think there’s much confidentiality in sharing your results with everyone within earshot. How I admire “trained professionals.”

  • Sra // Nov 20, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    Oh man, I had this problem a few times too! Despite my EXPLICITLY instructing the doctor’s office to mark my records so that they no longer call me at my mother’s house, twice they left messages on her voicemail about my test results. After which my mother calls me, with deep concern in her voice, wondering is everything all right? Why are you going to the doctor? What test results? To which I slap my forehead and say, duh, mom, that’s private! (And think, duh, mom, women get yearly paps, its not out of the ordinary! And even if it were, it’s my GD business!)

    Anger… clench… and… release….

  • foundinidaho // Nov 20, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    Oh my hell. At least it was normal.

  • Meggypoo // Nov 20, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    Hmmm… I wish I had read this BEFORE I left the message with your employer about your fecal sample results. Sorry!

  • Pants // Nov 20, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    J.,
    I knew it was going to happen when…another day, she totally announced I was there for Plan B. Which isn’t really that bad…because there’s no shame in being safe, but JESUS CHRIST.

    Sra,
    Idiots!

    FoundinIdaho,
    True!

    Meggypoo,
    You are my favorite disaster. ;)

  • Melissa // Nov 20, 2008 at 9:18 pm

    I am so tempted to print this and post it at the nurse’s stations as a reminder that the world doesn’t need to know the patient’s bidness.

  • zymase // Nov 21, 2008 at 1:32 am

    Vagina!

  • lizgwiz // Nov 21, 2008 at 9:41 am

    What if it had been an STD test or something? Sheesh.

  • egan // Nov 21, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    I want to joke about this, but I won’t. Have a good weekend.

  • sideon // Nov 21, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    Ultrasound results on testicles.

    That’s all I’m saying.

  • The Grunt // Nov 22, 2008 at 2:45 am

    I had to bank some Grunt Jr’s and put them in deep freeze before my cancer treatments. That was a weird experience. Mostly, it was weird when I came out of the “Jack Off” room and looking at people–they knowing that I just got done rubbing one off. It was more me than them, I suppose. Thank god they didn’t announce how many cc’s I produced over the intercom or how long I was in there.

  • logo // Nov 22, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    good lord,
    I would be tempted to call them back and share a few choice words with them.
    You poor thing, yikes

  • Noelle // Nov 24, 2008 at 9:45 am

    That is like 13 kinds of no good.

  • apollocreed // Nov 24, 2008 at 10:41 am

    So, what number is the best to reach you again?

  • Thérèse // Nov 24, 2008 at 3:45 pm

    I know shouting the comment was unnecessary, but it seemed appropriate, somehow.

  • Thérèse // Nov 24, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    No? Not appropriate?

    Pleasedon’tcutmethanks.

  • ubermilf // Nov 24, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    My sister once got a medical report that stated her pelvic region was “unremarkable” instead of “normal.”

    I’d take “normal” over that.

  • V // Nov 24, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    um, at least it was your mum calling you with the concerned questions! how awkward is it for a father to hear that!

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