Why does falling for someone attract creepy weirdos? I think it has to do with super charged neurotransmitters going bonkers inside of our brains that make us produce ridiculous amounts of pheromones. Whatever the reason, it’s fucking annoying.
On Friday night I was at a street light, en route to my new mister’s house. While looking for something in my glove compartment, I felt someone staring at me. I gave a cursory glance to my right and continued looking ahead. The light turned green, I turned left, and he continued straight. One block later, I felt his psychotic gaze and looked over to see his car swerving up to mine. The fucker had sped around a number of blocks to pull up next to me. He rolled down his window and was looking at me like a cartoon character fantasizing about busily slicing carrots into a boiling cauldron containing a large rabbit.
I rolled my window down, held one finger, ignored his chatter, and yelled, “FUCKING! NO!” and told him I have a boyfriend.
The d-bag had the nerve to ask, “What? You don’t have room for two boyfriends?”
“NO! I do not.”
“Well, that makes your boyfriend a very lucky man. Are you sure you don’t have room for another.”
“I’m on my way to his house right now and you better stop fucking following me unless you want him to rearrange your fucking face.”
What gives? I can’t decide if I should start carrying a bat, mace, or both.
I love the cartoon character description, that’s classic. Yeah, maybe invest in a nice bat to keep in your back seat. Then the next time you decide to engage in conversation with a weirdo at a light, you can wave the bat around in a threatening manner. That ought to do the trick.
UGH! I was talking about this very thing the other day. I had a similar problem with a lawn guy at my work.
So. very. creepy.
But hey! You have a new mister!
It’d definitely the pheromones. Most guys like that get off on even negative attention. Ewwww. Usually ignoring them works but it is far less satisfying than telling them to fuck off.
Sra,
The weirdest part was that I didn’t do anything.
happy fun pants,
Boo creepy dudes! Yay new mister!
Sizzle,
Creepy for sure.
Um, I think both is a good idea. Seriously creepy! Christmas is right around the corner. I can send you some pepper spray. Nothing says I care like pepper spray
Burreetoe,
A sock full of quarters also says love!
Sock full of quarters = too much noise.
Sock with a couple of golfballs in it = ninja attack
Pheromones.
Creepy. Please carry mace or a bat.
freak of the week!
You’re freaking awesome.
This happens to me, too. I used to be witty about it. Now, I think I just appear confused with a sort of “are you speaking to me?” look — and then I run away all a-scared.
…and, you ARE freaking awesome!
I think that maybe you acted too hastily on this one. I mean where’s the harm in keeping an alternative? You know, a just in case man
.
I’d go with the mace… I think it’d be much more entertaining.
But what if your boyfriend rearranged his face into Clooneys? Or Pitts? That would be good, not bad.
Did he have a goatee? Just curious……
I think people that are in love become enhanced in their attractiveness. Expect more of this.
That is bizarre.
Scott,
Ooo! Thank you, ninja attack much preferred.
ubermilf,
Totally.
lostinutah,
Yes!
alexis,
Fo sho.
sdragoc,
Because I’m all shmoopey?!
matty03,
Is screaming the F word at someone repeatedly considered witty?
Meggypoo,
I will be sure and give the next guy your name and number.
apollocreed,
Very clever, but no dice!
Amy,
No goatee! Shocking, really.
The Grunt,
Joy!
-R-,
Welcome to my life. Now that I’ve attracted a decent man, my d-bag meter for strangers is still running high.
This car stalker sounds hot! Your new mister will lose his appeal soon enough and you’ll spend your dwindling days thinking, “what if….” about the random douche who stalked you for twenty magical minutes.
The Republicans will stoop so low for votes these days.
If you don’t have room for two boyfriends that WTF am I?
Hmph.
If they can put one man on the moon, then why not all of them?
I wanna know if you held the back of one SPECIAL finger up or was it your index finger in a “wait just a second” motion?