- Tonight I’m getting together with a group of ex-Mormon bloggers. YIPPEE! I’m excited because I’ve been reading some of their blogs for a long time and it’s always nice to put faces to writing. Plus I’ve had a lot of weird feelings about my childhood cult resurface since moving to Utah so I’m looking forward to some commiseration!
- Last night I had a phone conversation with a guy from the second round of namelessdatingwebsite applicants. It freaked me out a little how he responded to where I go to school …because his response: “I could throw a rock at your school from my office” is the EXACT SAME thing that mister-promising-disappearing-act said. They don’t work at the same office or anything (although that would be fucking sweet). I just thought it was strange.
- Whoever took my motivation, would you please return it?
- My mother gave me Zicam lozenges to help kick a cold. In case you haven’t taken them and were wondering what they taste like: THEY TASTE LIKE FUCKING HELL. I’m pretty sure the scientific theory behind their function is that your body becomes frightened you will continue to punish it with their nastiness and gets better quickly, mostly due to fear of further consumption.
- I drank so much Crystal Light yesterday that I looked it up online to see how much I had to consume before it became toxic.
- I am furious over the Mormons funding Prop 8 in California. What a bunch of fucking bigots. What the fuck happened to separation of church and state?!
Random Friday Bullshit
October 17th, 2008 · 31 Comments
Categories:Childhood Cult, Utahrds, list, stuff I put in my mouth
Tagged:
I learned a great new trick for keeping a head cold under control: gargle with booze at the first sign of a sore throat. The higher the alcohol content, the better. Here’s why it’s difficult: don’t swallow it. Just spit it out. ps – I wish I could vote in Utah. I can’t. You’re going to have to it for me, ok?
And another thing – I really need to know what kind of phone you have! My phone’s camera is the suck. I make do, but I need more! If you don’t want to advertise to the world what kind of electronic goods you’re sporting, I understand. Just thought I’d ask. Because that fortune cookie shot is just amazing for a phone camera.
I will vote for you!
And I don’t mind announcing my phone online…I have the Verizon Envy. There’s a newer model out now, mine is the original. I absolutely love it, it has been a fantastic phone. I just wish I hadn’t let my 2 year old niece touch it b/c some of the buttons are a bit sticky now and I plan on keeping this phone forever!
The best thing about being an ex-mormon is when you realize there are an awful lot of people out there just like you. They like to make you think otherwise in the church. Like nobody ever leaves the church unless they are low level members who never really believed anyway.
You need the get the Zicam that is some stuff in a tube with a q-tip and you stick it up your nose. Much better than the lozenges. Feels weird, but at least you don’t have that yucky lozenge. OMG, seriously??? I can’t say I’m surprised that the Mormons are handing over funds to support Prop 8. But I swear, the more people wave their signs supporting it, the more I want to punch them. I don’t care if you want to marry your pet cat, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone and it makes you happy. Argh! So what is the limit on Crystal Light before it becomes toxic? I have a boat load of it in my drawer.
Yeah, I don’t get the whole war on marriage stance. Why don’t all the heteros who keep getting divorced start throwing a little more funding at that and little less towards hating the same sex folks wanting nothing more than to commit themselves to one another. All you need a love.
is it the same guy?
I’m with Burreetoe……..those Prop 8 people need to be punched out. Marriage is a committment between 2 people, NO MATTER WHAT SEX THEY ARE. The signs are up all over the place and I want to start pulling them down. I hate those people.
#3… I took it while you were sleeping last weekend. I thought you wouldn’t mind. And after having it for almost a week, I must say that I’m not overly impressed. I’m still tired and pretty lazy. Anyway, real sorry about that.
You know that you’d be happy if you just turned away from the dark side and got you some religion.
I love your liberal use of FUCKING! What a fabulous word. You’re inspiring me to write more, BTW. I see copious amounts of f-bombs, alcohol and giggles if we ever meet.
Just checked out your FLDS party pictures, and the ‘bang envy” picture made me spew my wine. Happpy Friday!
Sra,
In reality, it’s not low level members who leave, but intelligent, thoughtful members who decide to use their brain!
Burreetoe,
Yes, the Prop 8 assholes are INFURIATING.
I’m not sure who much Crystal Light you have to drink before it becomes toxic…but I should know soon!
sprizee,
Exactly.
morton (danny),
Wouldn’t that be horrible if it were the same guy? But no, it’s not. Though I’ll be able to confirm that for sure in about a day.
Zanny,
I with you.
meggypoo,
Duuuude. Give it back!
Jen,
I am all about liberal use of FUCKING!
Thanks! The FLDS party was fucking fabulous!!
about #6: What right do they have to influence people in another state? Unless they’re opinion is, “You assholes told us WE couldn’t have polygamy, so why do gay people get to marry? It’s not fair.”
Did you find out the toxicity levels associated with Crystal Light? I’m curious.
It was SO GREAT to meet you last night! I would love to hang out again, and soon!
I was at the gym this morning and there was a young guy (no more than 25) with a Say NO to Prop 8 T-shirt. I stuck out my fist as I was on the elliptical and we “bumped”. it made my day!
Then, leaving the gym, there were a bunch of old, white people on the corner of a busy street with signs for Yes to 8. They came awfully close to being run over.
I’ve been slamming this Prop 8 bullshit on my blog, but lately I’ve gotten a lot of crap for it. Religi-folks telling me that my opinion is wrong? Ha! This does nothing except fuel my fire even more.
I’m more for “motherfucking” myself. Have you ever seen the show on Bravo, I think it’s “From The Actor’s Studio”? One of the questions at the end is your favorite curseword. Love that.
Prop 8 bites the big one. Sadly, something like that already passed in Idaho long ago. My people can be stupid like all people can.
1. #4 cracked me up.
2. I’m curious about the answer to #5.
3. I’m thinking maybe I should start doing all of my posts itemized list style, too. I no longer have the patience for complete paragraphs. I think you’re on to something, Pants.
ubermilf,
I heart they fear that the sanctity of marriage is being destroyed and that they will legally be forced to allow the gays to marry in their temple – WHAT THE FUCK EVER! They need to mind their own damn business.
rockandcookies,
I didn’t…but I talked to a nurse on Friday night and she said my kidneys may be loaded down with the Crystal Light.
Hey Christy!
It was great to meet you, as well. I would love to hang out again soon…I had a super fabulous time with everyone!
Zanny,
It’s all about bumping fists! Hopefully there are enough non-bigoted Californians to knock that nonsense out on election day.
sovknight
Fuck those fucking religious folks in the fucking face. What right do they have to tell other people how to live their lives?! Declaring other people’s sexual orientation wrong, to the point of funding propositions in other states to deny people the fundamental right to marry who they love is rather unchristian. Hypocrites!
foundinidaho,
As of late, my favorite curse is “Eat a bag of dicks.”
Which is just what those homophobic folk can do, in Idaho and everywhere else.
Stefanie,
a. I knew I was feeling really sick when the Zicam stopped tasting bad. But they seem to have worked their magic. Yay!
b.No answer on the Crystal Light, I drank it like my life depended on it. Flushed that cold out of myself.
c. It is all about the itemized lists. You should try it!
The prop 8 supporters are crazy, misguided, and afraid of themselves. No doubt. I think too much Crystal Light might be the problem. . . Switch brands!
i swear to god (excuse the pun) ex mormon blogs are the funniest and most interesting to read. oh btw, oil of oregano. totally fixes illnesses. natures’s anti-biotic.
I’m a firm believer in a shot of really good tequila. Have another (or two) before going to bed, helps too.
FANTASTIC (pardon the capitalization drama) meeting you on Friday. You’re as hilarious in person as you are on your blog. Drop a line, fo sho, the next time you’re in the Bay area. We can boogie like a Mormon ward at a Yes for Prop 8 party (may they all get something itchy, splotchy and catchy).
I forgot to mention, which I should have said first and foremost:
You’re one beautimous woman.
ing,
Check, check!
fumbling,
God puns are not only welcome, but encouraged. Thank you! And I will have to give oil of oregano a go.
sideon,
I didn’t have tequila…but I did gargle with vodka. And it almost made me puke. THE BLASPHEMY!
Aw, thank you! I love the capitalization drama, it was FUCKING AWESOME to meet you. I am sad we didn’t connect while I was still in the bay area. Perhaps it’s because we’ve been reading each other online, but I feel like we have known each other for years. You must give me a holler next time you’re in God’s Country!
Amen to everything you have said. I still have a crush on you. If you ever go lesbo, please let me know. In the meantime, I’ll just love you for your brain.
I don’t have an x-mormon blog, but I fake it on-line. THANKS for coming to the party and being all kuhl like you are. Next time we’ll just head to the Bay area and party there at Don’s place. Then HIS boyfriend can spend ALL night making drinks and I will have the time to fuck mine.
This post is almost a week old.
Sterkworks,
My brains love you back!
k8,
Thank you for allowing to crash the party! I had a fucking awesome time. How could I not? I drank with Jesus!
Yes, yes, bay area for sure!
ubermilf,
I know. It’s shameful!
I met you!! I feel so, so cool. I have been looking for your blog all week (seeking ‘maleforous’ and not pants3)
The party was fun…You guys inspired my better half and I to restart our blogs…so thank you. And as Sid said, you are a beautimous woman.
xo
JulieAnn
You are so cute!
It was great to meet you and your husband! And thank you! xoxo
hey dood.
i’m prolly too late and this is prolly an old wives tale, but those zicam losenges is supposed to kill your tastebuds – like permanently. or your ability to smell. i dunno. it screws with one of your senses. i always take zinc pills and it has the same effect and i can still taste my cranberry vodkas and i can still smell gas if i ever need to evacuate my living space.