I am sick to fucking death of dating. Not that I’ll be stopping anytime soon, because I was raised in a (loving) dysfunctional household and I don’t know when to say when.
A few months ago I had an interesting conversation with my dad about dating. (Weird, I know.) He said the shitty part about internet dating is that you don’t have a “real” connection with the people you are meeting*. Well, except that you both pay to meet people on the internet. All you can do is cross your fingers people are genuine because you aren’t going to see them again through mutual friends, or run into them at some shared activity. There is no accountability. Don’t want to talk to someone anymore? Pretend they don’t exist. The end! I’m guilty of this, as well. Sometimes it seems silence is more kind…which leaves me wondering: what the fuck happened to make (insert name of anyone interesting I’ve dated since moving to stupid fucking God’s Country) disappear? I feel like I have been doing a pretty good job of not being the crazy girl. My boundaries have improved. I’m not fucking each dude within the first 20 minutes (I’m all way up to 40 minutes of conversation before sex in the Starbucks bathroom). And I wait at least 5 minutes AFTER sex before I profess my love for him, tell him I want to have a million of his babies, and that I can’t wait for him to meet my cat.
Communicating with men via dating websites the appropriate amount of time, graduating to personal email or phone, then eventually in person is exhausting. Especially when you meet and you immediately know it’s not gonna happen. Whether it’s because he’s educated to fucking infinity but has yet to discover the joys of deodorant, freaking you the fuck out by attempting to destroy all the boundaries you’ve set (HELLO! Red flag d-bag!), or you’d rather tongue kiss your cat. All of which makes it more frustrating when seemingly decent men disappear.
Does anyone know who Random Carol is? ? I’ve been receiving referrals from her, but her blog is private.
And to the person who is coming here by way of a “what to ask to my future husband” Google search, you are in the wrong place. (I don’t know why I’m the second result either.) If you continue to return, I may be forced to write a list of things to ask the lucky fucker.
*I hate it when my dad is right.
Damn you. You forgot the disclaimer at the top of this posting which reads.
WARNING: Do not consume breakfast cereal while reading this post. Spit takes unavoidable.
Sorry!
oh hai… I’m Random Carol… I lurk you… and you make me laugh
That’s the sucky thing about Internet dating. You never know if you are talking to a psycho or what. OMG, last night on TLC I watched that show about the people in Arkansas who have 17 kids and 1 on the way and they had friends who visited that had 16 kids and 1 on the way. WTF?? Just be glad you aren’t them.
Internet dating always makes me uncomfortable and uneasy. I think it’s easier to just meet someone the old fashioned way. I really hate that feeling you get in your gut when you’re about to meet someone you met online for the first time. Makes me anxious and I’m already a high nerved kid. The “set up” of internet dating is too exhausting for me. I’ve been to the bar with you a couple of times and you’re a very social person. Maybe we will have to get out more together, stick ourselves in social situations and force us to meet people.
I fear this post was prompted by a person you were uncharacteristically excited about last week, and if that’s the case, that sucks and I’m sorry.
As for Internet dating, I agree with your dad, but with a slightly different take. My main problem with it (which I’ve probably shared with you before) is that it’s so backwards compared to meeting someone the “old fashioned” way (in person). The old way, you’d meet someone, feel some sort of spark or connection or have some great conversation, and based on that, you’d go on a date, already knowing you had something there to warrant the date. When you meet online, you go on the date first, hoping to FIND some kind of connection. It’s frustrating and exhausting and I’m tired of it too. Too bad it seems the only way to meet people anymore…
Internet dating was absolutely the worst experience of my life. I hated every single second of it. D-bags who insisted on meeting after one email and then being way too nosy or desperate. But……….it did have one up-side (after I learned to better sort out nut-jobs and be a little patient). You know what I’m talking about!
Hey Carol,
Thank you and welcome!
Burreetoe,
There are a lot of reason to be grateful I’m not one of them…the first being that I don’t have a mullet. The second that my vagina isn’t the size of Texas after pushing out that many kids.
Aaron,
Yeah, it is uncomfortable meeting someone for the first time for a blind-internet date. I’m totally open to doing more social stuff and meeting someone the old fashioned way…it just doesn’t seem to happen; especially in this state. The dating scene here is fucking weird. So I figure the uncomfortable first-meeting and even worse aftermath is worth it if I meet a quality man out of it.
Stefanie,
Yes, this post was prompted by the person who had me uncharacteristically excited. LAME!
You are spot on with the social reversal of internet dating. I have found myself on many uncomfortable Starbucks dates wondering to myself, “How the fuck did this happen?” Most aren’t bad, just people I would never in a millionfuckingyears meet if not for the anonymity of the internet and old/doctored photos. Or the sort of guy that you couldn’t pay me to talk to in a public, non-internet initiated way. Which says a lot, because I’m fucking broke.
Zanny,
Internet dating fucking blows. The end.
I decided to meet someone the old fashioned way, but that wasn’t any more successful than online dating, I’m afraid. I’ve made one fairly good friend out of a guy I met online and briefly dated (he tends to disappear and then reappear weeks or months later – but he’s soooo cute and sweet!). The guy I met the old fasioned way is someone I was interested in, but I soon decided I just wanted a friend. It’s been a little difficult to get this across to him, but so far it’s working out.
Meaning, ummmmm, just date as many guys as you possibly can, and don’t settle on just one! Keep the nice ones around, because even if you’re not in love or anything, it’s nice to have someone to flirt with on occasion.
The only answer I can come up with is that the world has gone completely fucking mad, and people’s subconsciousnesses are picking up on that preventing successful mating from occurring.
Maybe the entire planet is doomed.
Does that cheer you up?
This was funny, thanks. I did internet dating the free way through myspace. Doesn’t really filter people out, but I guess I can trust myself to filter out the stinky creepy morons. Hey it worked for me! Ian and I have been together almost 3 years after meeting on myspace. So yeah, good internet connections can happen.
Sorry Mr. Promising-Connection didn’t work out, that really sucks. Hey, you could always check out Alaskan men, where the saying is “the odds are good, but the goods are odd.” And it’s SO true.
It’s exhausting me, too. I’m about ready to give up again. I’ve got plenty of cats to tongue-kiss, after all.
Maybe the guy disappeared ’cause he found out you’re a Democrat. Heh.
i’m willing to fly out there, kick some ass, and then have a beer with you!
I think I will go call my boyfriend because HOLY HELL I don’t ever want to date again.
Dating so fucking sucks! …It has about 3 years since I was on that Meat Market Circuit/Circus, but it paid off for me. ?
Your father might be wrong, but then again — how does a single person meet other people anymore excepting via the Internet?!?!
Society just isn’t fit to meet people in the old ways of the 20th Century. You know? And, meeting someone through a friend is SO PAINFUL if it doesn’t work.
You are a beautiful, intelligent and funny woman — just continue to work it and try not to give in to feeling low. It sucks.
And, as a reformed slut myself, I know that it is hard to avoid that bathroom sex (by the way, McDonald’s bathroom sex is much more fun!)
I do have one bit of advice: try to avoid cats or sweaters until after you’ve met someone. I don’t know, I suspect these two things can be somewhat of a curse. Tho, you already have a cat. So, just try not to think to much about the kitty while out on dates and put your sweaters in a box in the back of that closet!
This is my advice. It might not mean much. I don’t know.
If it makes you feel at all better — being gay isn’t any easier. Tho, generally, gay men are all sluts so the sex thing is maybe a bit easier — but I know most of them still secretly judge the other for it.
Gay Self-Loathing Judgement in Soiled Stone…
Hang in there, sexy babe!
love and kisses from the wispy breeze of SF,
matty
skater bois are having a party of sorts on Geary and 41st Street. It is kind of funny, but not really all that cool — especially since most of the “bois” are in their late 30’s to early 40’s — but, hey, they are having fun! …and, without helmets!
Do I get a Mormon Cookie for the longest comment posting?
Do Mormon cookies have chocolate?
Dating does suck. Until you find the right one. You will…I don’t blame you for being sick and tired though!
I had a friend of mine who actually met, and then married the woman from an online dating service. Everything was great until she started stripping on the weekends behind his back, snorting up mounds of coke, and maxing out credit cards. The cherry on this little slice of heaven is that she ran off with Kid Rock and Hank Williams Jr. So…good luck!
I always love the comments about internet dating from my married friends… the ones who have been married for 10 years and met in high school. As much as I’d LIKE to meet someone is the land of the real, it just doesn’t happen for me. I think only 2 out of the 923084 I’ve men dated I’ve met offline. And these critical friends of mine have yet to set me up with or facilitate any kind of potential match. Bastards.
My theory about the online dating pool is that it’s probably the same kind of people you’d find out in the world, but they are all just concentrated in one area. AND the fact that they have to write a profile about themselves and there is some communication before a date just alerts you to the fact that they are freaks sooner than you would have found out not having met them online. Point is is that there are a lot of dip shit men, wherever you find them.
But I have faith little Miss Pants, we will find our knights in shining armor… or at least not a total douche bag.
40 minutes??? You’re such a prude.
Fuck, it takes me an entire hour before I can talk a blow job out of a date.
I figure that internet dating has even less odds of success than the traditional blind date, as arranged by friends or family. At least with those, your posse should know enough about the person before hand and know you well enough for there to be some slim chance of sparks.
I dated on the internet for years and years before I finally met the woman I married. And sure, the vast majority of people I met were incompatible. (And by “incompatible”, I mean “intolerable and un-dateable.”) But you can’t beat it for volume. What’s the alternative? Meet people in bars where all you know about them is what they look like and what they drink?
I agree with meggypoo; the Internet dating scene is the same as any other, just more concentrated. You’ll meet a hundred times more jerks per month dating on the Internet, but you may find your match a hundred times faster. Take a break if you need it, but don’t lose heart… you’re too good a catch for that!
I wonder what you’d have thought if you knew what would happen five days after posting this?