- For the past week I forgot (that I needed) to buy coffee, until just before I fell asleep. I finally remembered last night and this morning I almost felt human. Almost.
- After discussing dating with a friend last week, I signed up (again) for some more internet dating punishment fun.
- The next time a guy tells me has a small penis on a first date I’m going to make him prove it.
- I’m talking to a guy (not Mr. Small Penis) who shares the same name as two of my BFF’s husbands. Weird.
- Is it just me, or is every guy who internet dates in marketing or engineering?
- Today I leave for OC to visit my old friend Zanny. WEEE!
- I am incredibly excited to spend time at the ocean. This landlocked business is weird shit, yo.
- Is it bad that I named a loser in a creative writing assignment after an ex-boyfriend?
- Calling Delta customer service phone number is so frustrating it makes me want to punch a baby.
- I would like to give a big, warm hug to the people who reached my blog with the following search phrases: bm means shit, cry in my performance evaluation, just vagina, and fucking story of old maid.
- The Beastie Boys “Professor Booty” still owns, sixteen years later. Holy fuck, SIXTEEN YEARS?! That makes me feel a little old.
List-a-rama
September 11th, 2008 · 23 Comments
Categories:Uncategorized
Tagged:
Numero Uno! Whohoooo!
Hi, I’m Danny. I have a small penis, can I prove it to you?
How come you never hear guys saying that they have a rather unassuming penis?
morton (danny),
Give me a call so we can set something up! 801-820-4032
The Grunt,
No clue.
Woo hoo! I get to see you too! Don’t forget to bring a flask to the show on Saturday!
Make them whip out the small dick. Better yet, carry a measuring tape.
Have fun on your trip!
wtf? that song came out 16 years ago!??? I remember when that album came out….
I had to own that cassette really bad… I remember waiting in line at midnight so I could purchase it
hope you have fun in california…. I wish I was coming along
I thought guys would HIDE the fact until it became blatantly obvious, by which time you might not care. At least they’re honest.
Why would he tell you that up front? I appreciate his honesty and all, but what girl is going to be like “A small one? I’ve ALWAYS wanted a small one! I’m so glad you came along. Where’s your white horse??”
Burreetoe,
You like how I forgot my curling iron but remembered my flask?
sizzlesays,
Oooh! I’ll have to build up the courage to do that at some point!
drop dead chris,
I know, SIXTEEN YEARS. Crazy.
J.,
I’ve thought a lot of things about guys…most of them have turned out to be untrue.
thecoconutdiaries,
I have no idea.
Take me to CA with you… Pants, take me away
I hope you have a very nice relaxing weekend at the beach. And I really mean that, without all of the bitterness.
Yeah, I can fit in your suitcase to the OC. Honestly.
I know what you mean about the ocean and I’ve never even lived by it, just traveled to it.
I don’t believe I’ve ever been treated to a penis mention on a first date. Oddly, I feel somewhat cheated. What, they don’t think I’m worthy?
Why would someone tell you that they have a small penis? Bizarro.
Have a wonderful vacation. You deserve it!
Around here, it’s mostly IT Managers. And none of them have ever told me the size of their penis. One of them did tell me on our first and only date that he was a virgin, though. That was… unusual.
I hope your trip is awesome! We’ll miss you on our State Fair adventure.
Maybe your dream boy will have been extricated from his mistake of a marriage by now and your internet search will be fruitful this time around. I think it’s always good to keep checking, just in case.
#9 – You should do it. Babies are too spoiled, it’ll bring them down to earth if you sock one in the jaw.
I’m totally calling you…
Then again, that probably isn’t your real number.
I’ll show you my penis any day. I’m jealous of your trip-a-doo. I would love to see the ocean again, it has been so long. You better bring me back something or you’re not getting any more puddin. Love you.
I’m curious at what inch they define… “small.” I do love the suggestion that they prove it, right then and there.
I thought my first date with an internet dating dude who told me he got kicked out of undergrad for trafficking drugs was bad. The best was when he called 8 months later, then left a text msg that said “BTW fuck you”. I sure know how to pick the winners.
LOVE the list and good luck with the internet dating…I couldn’t do it!
This has to be one of my favorite lists ever.
Why do women always tell me on the first date that they have a huge, gaping vagina?
Usually, when I know sex is going to happen (this is never on the first date; things don’t come that easy to me) I tell the girl that I have a small penis. Then when we have sex, she is pleasantly surprised.
Yeah, I’ve been lowering expectations since most of you were in diapers.