Who are you and how did you find me?
Did you reach me by searching “food in pants,” “face eaten by bear” or “mormon porn”?
Did we used to date and you stalk scour my blog by searching “Melliferous Pants”?
However you made it here, why do you read? I’m having a super crappy day. Come out from behind the safety of your monitor and say hello. It’d help me feel better and my niece might stop squeaking, “Crying? Hug?”
I followed you over from Egan’s blog many months ago. I’m pretty sure we never dated. In fact I think you and I are going to be Egan’s sisters. Well, you are but I can’t be because of my stupid brown/green eyes. Damn my parents for that.
I’m also fairly certain we never dated, and I think we perhaps met through Monkey? I can’t recall. I remember once you and I had the same day – ending with us both, in our own locales, eating frosting directly out of the can and worrying about *something*. I can’t recall what.
It’ll be better.
tori,
Egan’s the best brother I never had!
Ginonymous,
I think it may have been Monkey…I miss him! And the whole frosting synchronicity obviously makes us BFFs. Damn those *somethings*!
Maybe we met through Egan? I can never remember these things. Or we were drunk and made out at a party. The video is now on You Tube.
I vote drunk and made out at a party!
I’m Nick and I’m an alcoholic. Wait, wrong room..
I met you through my sister who is right above me.
We can date if you want. I’m not terribly fun, but you can tell me what to do pretty much all the time.
She’s not above me now, damn it.
Pretty sure I found you via Egan. But I stick around for the laughs. You are one of the funniest people I feel like I know, even though technically we’ve never met. And I know a lot of funny folks. Shit, you’re one of the funniest people I don’t even know. I’m including Letterman (young more so than old), Colbert, Jon Stewart, and the cast of The Office. I bet you could write a great sitcom about growing up Mormon. Or a book! Or both! Get on it.
I am Poppy.
I found you via The Daily Tannenbaum, in the comments section of one of her posts.
No.
No.
Your blog has pants on it. That amused me. Also, I got to sort your blog next to “Down with PANTS!” in my feed reader, so your blog continues to amuse me even before I click to view the content.
My name is Matt and I think it was early 2006 that I saw your comments on Logo’s blog. I like your humor and rage. Even though we may be on different sides of the religion coin, I get you on many of your opinions on it. Plus, you are just darling and a red head (of which club I used to be in). Why wouldn’t I want to visit your blog?
I’m pretty sure I was the third in that drunken make out session you had with Sizzle…either that or I found you through Sizzle’s blog, I’m unclear on which one it is. Either way, I read because you make me laugh very hard…is there seriously such a thing as mormon porn????
I met you at the Live Bloggy Thingy 08 and have had a secret crush on you ever since.
Do I count since I know you from the real world and not just the internet? I sure hope so
BOOK CLUB!! (which btw, has kind of fallen apart. so sad!)
Oh, and ps. I have a blog now of my very own. yay! now we can be official blog-land friends, right? I’m going to add you to my blogroll as soon as I it up…soon, very soon…
The bay area misses you!!!
I found you from Sarah’s site I believe…you were hilarious and so I’ve just kept coming back!
I’m paranoid, so we’ll leave it at J. And you’re awfully cute, but I don’t think we ever dated. Pretty sure you found me through a comment on Dooce.
I’m sorry you’re having a super-crappy day, I’ve had quite a few of those lately. It’s nice that you have a niece to offer you squeaking comfort, I have to be wary of mine. I appreciate the honesty and humor of your blog, and we share a love of thrift store shopping and camping, as well as certain attitudes toward family and religion.
I read you because of the live blogging thingy, and no we never dated.
Hey Pants, it’s danny. It’s been a long time and shit.
Anyway, I didn’t search for mormon porn, but now I wish I would have.
Nice new site design by the way…
I found you way of Daring Fireball on over to Ransom Note Typography, then I fell onto you. Sorry about that, I’m a bit clumsy.
BTW – For some reason, in my feed reader (NetNewsWire) this post came up as having been published on 31 Dec 1969. Neat trick, that time traveling thing, and of course, publishing to a blog utilizing technologies that won’t exist for, what, 30 years? I think you may win Time’s Technical Achievement of the Year Award, assuming they have one.
BTW2 – I’ve been having a super crappy last 6 months, if you don’t count the last 30-odd years. Um, that was supposed to be somehow uplifting.
Nick,
Um, that room you thought you were in, probably would have given us a higher probability of dating.
sprizee,
Yes! I am sure we found each other via Egan. I’m one of the funniest people you know?! Stop it! I totally love it! If you’re not careful you’ll find me on your doorstep one day.
I love how thoughtful you are! When I was uber down and recovering from my back surgery you sent me Burt’s Bees goodness!! xoxo
Hi Poppy!
Down with Pants? I LOVE IT!
The Grunt,
Yes, yes, definitely through Logo. Gingers unite!
punchlinewalking,
Man! I wish there really was a drunken Sizzle make out session – that would be PERFECT!
I definitely stalked you when Sizzle shared your blog link an a post a few months back. I like reading about your stand up adventures, because I am too chicken to get my own going! And for you to call me funny is like a ginormous compliment, because I think you are hilarious.
As for the Mormon porn…there certainly seem to be enough people searching for it! I imagine it would be a lady in a high-necked nightgown, reading from the Book of Mormon in a breathy voice to her fully clothed husband.
Sterkworks,
Hooray for Live Bloggy Thingy and secret crushes!
Hey Tiff!
Of course you count!
I miss Book Club. Especially the part where we all drink too much wine and eat snacks from Trader Joe’s.
I love your blog template– super cute!
hkdkat,
Thank you!!
J.,
I knew I stalked you from somewhere, but I couldn’t remember how! So yes, it must have been dooce!
As far as the paranoia goes…I’m right there with you!
Sra,
I’m really glad we did the live bloggy thingy. It was great to meet some local bloggers in person.
morton,
Whoa, Danny! Hello blast from the past! Let me know what you find with the Mormon porn search.
Dick Barsky,
This post came up published at 31 Dec 1969? Sweet! I’m fine with time traveling as long as I don’t get stuck in 1991…that happened to a friend of mine.
This is how I found your wonderfulness (just a couple days ago): linked from Ransome Note blog which I found through his twitter feed which I had linked to from Dooce’s twitter feed which I found from her blog. Just finished reading ALL your stuff and I must say that I am pretty sure we were best friends in the “pre-existance”! Love it. If you ever want to meet up for a knitting/lots-o-wine party I’m in!
I cannot recall how I found your blog, I’m sure it was a late night blogging binge, or something. I read ’cause you’re readable, and reliably lift my spirits (not that I need help lifting spirits, I am pretty damned good at 12 oz curls.)
Sorry you’re having a crappy day, hope it improves.
I don’t remember. I feel like I’ve been reading for years. We probably commented on the same blog once, or someone I read linked to you.
I have no idea how I found your blog but I’m willing to bet it involved some completely off the wall google search query that I would most likely be embarassed to admit to (more along the lines of bear eaten faces than mormon porn, but who can say??) Anyways, you cracked me up so I kept coming back for more. I think I’ve probably been reading for 3 or 4 months. Plus there’s the whole I’d totally date you/make out with you/be your super awesome friend with a cat who’d be Jack Jack’s super awesome friend if I wasn’t all the way over here in Massachusetts. Wow, that really makes me sound kinda creepy, lol… but yeah, I’m just one of your random fans from the internets! =)
I found you during the Blogshare and you had me at the stories about your grandmother and Utah.
I found your site after that torrid and passionate night we spent together in that abandoned Motel 6 down in Nephi, UT.
That was you, wasn’t it?
It’s all a blur anyway.
I’m pretty sure that I sat yammering and stuttering at you on “Inadvertent Asshat Blog Reading Day” and secretly wanted to make out with you for keeping me otherwise occupied.
(Hee)
hi pants!
found your blog through sarah nielson’s blog.
you crack my shit up, you so funny!
hope your day’s going better by now.
I found you in 7th grade – living across the street from me. So, we’ve been friends for……….over 15 years! And I LOVE YOU so very much and appreciate each day I have you in my life. And I terribly miss you.
AliKat,
BFFs in the pre-existence? Ha ha!!
Bob,
I love a late night blogging binge!
srah,
I feel the same way!
Erin,
Thank you for commenting! I love random internet searches…that’s how I’ve found some of my favorites!
thecoconutdiaries
I am totally in love with blog share.
jon deal.
DUDE. I LOVE abandoned Motel 6!
Loralee,
The feeling goes both ways!
alexis,
Thanks for reading!
Zanny,
Bad news, Zanny. We were 12 when we met which means we have been friends for over 20 years…which also makes us old as fuck. I love fuck!
Come to think of it, I can’t remember what brought me to your site, but I’m pretty sure it was fate. Yes, we’ve dated, and although you still haven’t grabbed my boobs as promised, you DID take a picture of them, and also touched my leg on our last outing. It was quite tawdry.
I read your blog simply because I love you.
Pbbbst. I don’t read your blog.
I know you from sex. True fucking story.
I found you from BlogShare. Although, I did consider coming up with a cuter snarky answer. Since you’re having a bad day, I’ll be nice. Want some peach cobbler? I made some this morning.
Pants, I found you through Sister Mary Lisa. And I’m glad I did. Feel any better?
I think I found you because you found me. Where did you find ME? Or hell, maybe I found you first. Hmm. Usually I remember this sort of thing. And I haven’t even had wine!
I found you via google doing a search for “food to use for anal sex” and I have just been reading your blog every since! It’s oh so fantastic!
meggypoo,
Next time we hang out we’re going for drinks. And I am going to GRAB YOUR BOOBS at the bar. All your old men will love it!
ubermilf,
Of course not!
Sarah,
Hells yeah!
citystreams,
Isn’t BlogShare great?! My day has gotten better, thanks!
lostinutah,
Hooray for Sister Mary Lisa!
Stefanie,
I totally stalked you! One of my good friends in California sent me a link to your blog and told me I’d want to be your new BFF. She’s such a smarty!
drop dead chris,
Have I told you lately that I fucking love you?! SERIOUSLY, love you!!!
Seriously?? Well, that mystery’s solved, then. Also, I am completely scatterbrained tonight, because in my first comment I totally forgot to answer the part about WHY I read. That answer is much the same as yours, in that I could definitely see us getting drunk and making inappropriate jokes together. So that’s that.
I found you at brunch with a friend we share and your hair was pretty and you were wearing the exact same shoes as I was and the rest is history, full of lots more brunches and lots more shoes and eventually adopting you as an honorary sibling.
I read because you’re fucking rad and I love you.
I’m Catherine, I can’t remember how i found your blog, I read because it is entertaining and because I am also from Salt Lake and it is weird/interesting when you talk about SLC . I hope your day got better!
Never dated (I’m too old for you), but I find you at times funny and interesting and refreshing. I confess I had to look up the word Meliferous and find it rather… sweet. ;o)
I think I found you on Sarah N.’s site. Hope life takes some good turns for you! Sorry you are blue
(
I don’t know how I stumbled across you although a google search of something totally inappropriate involving pants is the most likely explanation.
Been lurking ever since because you make me laugh and, more recently, also because I’ve been charmed by the blog’s evolving sub-text of “30-something-sophisticate-forced-to-return-from-California-to-Utah-re-bonds-with-family-and-finds-that-aint-actually-so-bad-after-all”. Now THERE’S a potential sitcom.
Sadly, now when we do have book club, we each have 2 glasses of wine, get tired and start drinking tea. We are LAME-O!! I don’t even have a child…what’s my excuse??
I found you because my SIL, who is friends with Suzanne The Runner from SoCal, sent me.
I have no idea how I found your blog, I actually forget.
Let’s just say that I dreamed about the blog and you and you were both riding a unicorn over a rainbow.
That’s good, right?
I came here all because of Zanny and I’ve loved you ever since. I still think of you and laugh when I think of how I thought it was a good idea to taste a heaping spoonful of fish sauce at that noodle place. Lesson learned!
BTW, I’m hoping you have another running friend named Suzanne from So Cal besides my friend because I don’t have any living sisters in law.
Melisa – you are Erin’s SIL, right? AHHHH! It makes sense now! I was so confused as to who you were! LOL
Wait, Suzanne is cheating on me now and has other running friends??? All this time I trusted her and now I find this out. I am appalled.
Stefanie,
Too much space between UT and MN! We would definitely have a good time over a bottle, or four, of wine!
rockandcookies,
What are the chances we’d show up at brunch wearing the exact same shoes?! We are definitely MFEO!
I have so much fun with you…I’m super glad that you guys have adopted me! xoxo
Catherine,
My day did finally get better, thanks!
Rich,
Thanks!
Ian,
My life as an adult who returns home totally has sitcom written all over it! I could be the female Jerry Seinfeld of cat ladies.
Tiffany,
Sounds like a typical night for me…except replace book club with cat and drinking tea with Oxygen’s true crime show “Snapped!”.
Melisa,
Welcome!
apollocreed,
Good? That’s PERFECT!
Burreetoe,
Hey-o Burretoe! I forgot about you eating that spoonful of fish sauce – YUCK! Have I told you about my old co-worker who slathered microwaved eggs in fish sauce every morning while she was pregnant? It made the whole office reek and it took a lot not to throw up on my keyboard every single morning.
Suzanne the Runner,
I wish you didn’t live so far!
Hi! You can call me The Fella.
I probably found you through Sizzle.
Hope you don’t mind if I stick around some.
Oh my gosh that is so disturbing. The fish sauce alone is gross, but on microwaved eggs??? Super yuck! Oh yeah, the stuffed animals say HI!
hmm… that’s a really good question. i think it was through egan, but now i can’t remember how i found egan. the internet has all become a blur to me now.
I think I found you through Stefanie of Stefanie Says, but maybe you found me first? At one point, I wanted to write it all down and keep track of the great blogging circle of life, but I never did.
Either way, I’m sure the reason I ever actually clicked on a link to your blog must have had something do to with the word “pants,” because I love that word.
I found you when I did a Google search on Mormon underwear (garments). How random is that? Then I laid eyes on you, for the first time, in the parking lot of Johanna’s Kitchen on glamorous State Street.
I’m glad I know you!
Mormon porn is in the house!
I cant remember how I found you but I come back for the laughs and occasional reality check
Sad? Xanax?
i have been reading this for a long time and i don’t remember how i found you. i think it had to do with the grunt and his crazy antics. that and you had unnerwears as your avatar.
i haven’t dated you, but i would if you had C&Bs because you are damn funny which is also why i read.
Pants,
There’s 8 bazillion comments already, but I’m still sticking my two cents in.
I want to say I found you from another blog, but I can’t remember whose.
I read because I care, dammit.
If you weren’t all the way in the Beehive State, I’d drag you to my house periodically, place the Lucas Bear in your lap and feed you chocolate.
I clicked when you left a comment- I had to- Pants is my best friend’s nickname for her husband.
I frequently read blogs when I’m bored at work, and I usually click random links on blogs I like, and that’s how I find MORE blogs that I like. So, long story short, I have no idea where I found you, but you are one I read often.
I kept reading because you are single. I know that sounds weird, but in my experience it seems every blog I read, the person is in a wonderful perfect relatinship and I wanted someone I could relate to! And you make me laugh.
Oh yeah, can’t forget the cat lady/cat pictures thing. We might as well be the same person.
Hlo. I’m 26 and from Finland. I think I didn’t even have that thing you might call a life when I started reading your blog, but I do these days. It’s messy, isn’t it, having one
Reading your stuff has helped me deal with mine.
I used to read a lot of screenwriting blogs, and I think I found yours through one of those. The screenwriters got boring, you didn’t. Thank you for writing.
You’re really good at it, by the by
I found you through blog jumping. And I always have wanted to take you doggy style.
Actually I found you on a search for bipolar! I was diagnosed add but think I may be bipolar. Anyway, I was born and raised in Provo Utah in a strict Mormon family. I think I agree with your views more. I think I am agnostic (depending on which definition you use) I believe there is a god but I don’t neccesarily believe in any particular religion. I moved around alot after I turned 18. I settled down in saint george 4 years ago after living in Las Vegas. I love this area! All the outdoors stuff anyway. I haven’t made too many friends though, it’s hard to find REAL PEOPLE that are fucking cool and don’t get bent out of shape when I say fuck! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! It’s just a word but it has so many fucking uses! I’m not really a big potty mouth but I say what I want to when I want to. Words are words, it’s the intent that counts. Anyway I think you’re fucking awesome, Saint George needs more people like you to help restore some balance in the beauty of life here. God bless you! P.S. I’m glad you’re “having a crappy day”, once you get it over with, tommorow will seem that mch better!! Stay positive when your down! smile when your sad! It wont make everything better, but it will get you through ’till tomorrow. I’m only optimistic about half of the time, so maybe I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about!