My mother offered to babysit so my sister and I could see Mamma Mia. My niece has trouble sleeping outside of her normal schedule and this was the first time she fell asleep at our house, in my room.
I started the car while my sister ran in to tell our mother she should go downstairs so she could hear when the little one cried or woke up.
Mother replied, “It’s OK. I’ll hear her through the vent. I can hear noises from her bedroom through the vent.”
“I didn’t want to tell her about it so she could feel like she has her privacy.”
“BUT, I can hear noises.”
This is where my mind spun in circles and broke into a million little pieces
If by “noises” you mean “the sounds of ALF reruns on the TV” then girl, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about.
I love the categories for this post. Haha! That’s definitely high on my horrors list too. At least it wasn’t your mother-in-law. Yikes!
Pants darling, will you please masturbate quietly. I can hear you clear downtown!
Oh my. If that’s not a polite warning, I don’t know what is. Maybe you need more alcohol so you don’t care what they hear. Or just blame it on Jack-Jack.
Jack Jack is playing with your stuff while you’re out of the house. Evil Siamese.
How was the movie? Haven’t seen it as yet but want to go.
Well… do people actually vocalize while they… are alone? Isn’t that just for pornos? If this is inaccurate, someone turn me on to the hardware involved.
Oh no!
Oh, snap. That sucks. But how did you like Mama Mia?
I think you need to shove something in that vent pronto.
So you basically can’t talk about your mom in your room, need to buy a new noise-less vibrator, and have to wrack your brain for everything you’ve ever done that your mom may have overheard. You gotta applaud her for keeping it on the DL all this time.
Oh…oh, my.
hilarious. sorry, that’s funny.
That is horrifying. The thought of people, especially your mother, listening to “certain” noises coming from a vent, that’s just too much.
Well, I think you should return the favor and give her something to listen to that will send HER to the therapist.
Umm… Ewww.
Noooooo.
Whoo-boy, awful, awful, AWFUL! But really fucking funny.
This revelation makes me smile. I’m just not sure if it’s a good smile or not. How is your mom’s hearing?
Even more horrifying than my mother hearing me, is the fact that she’s BEEN hearing me. For a year! And thought I’d be more comfortable with “thinking” I had privacy, when in fact, I do not!
I took a few precautions before moving home…like investing in a totally rad, quiet nightstand friend. And I’m not a noisy solo-girl. It’d be a different story if I were in the basement screaming things at myself like, “WRECK IT! Wreck your privates! DO IT! Oh yes, THAT! Keep doing THAT to yourself. DOOOOO IT!” Even I’m not that creepy.
And I totally make sure to have back round noise or music and keep my door locked. I suppose I was dreaming when I thought that my parents using CPAP sleep apnea masks was on my side…I mean, they sound like Darth Vader for crissakes!
Meh. Just when I thought Club Celibacy couldn’t get anymore lame.
I will never ever live with my parents. ever.
Oh my… wait. WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE. Does this mean what I THINK it means?
Cannot contemplate. Feeling too much empathy. Will explode with embarrassment over potentially overheard girl talk.
YEARS of potentially embarrassing overheard girl talk.
Um, that should read “year” not “years”.
we’re sending people to the moon.
you’d think they’d have the technology to make quieter neck massagers.
Listeroo « Pants, pants, PANTS! // Aug 14, 2008 at 12:05 am
[...] afraid to touch myself. Perhaps I should take a cue from the search phrases that land people here? Such as: masturbating [...]