My thirteen-year-old niece is in town for church camp. When my sister called to see how she was doing, she told her mom that I took her clubbing the night before. My heart nearly beat out of my chest when she said I took her drinking and then drove us around. There’s hope for her yet!
My almost-two-year-old niece’s favorite topic of the week is my juggs. (Yes, I called my boobs juggs.) She says my name, hold her hands above her head and yells, “Boobies bid!” Which translates to I have huge boobies. My sister said she’s been talking about them when they’re at home and I’m not around. Lucky me!
I’m a little sad that I didn’t buy chastity sweats. Damn, they’re cute! I would feel awkward when my dad, inevitably, would ask about the writing on my butt. Nothing says I’m saving it like silk screened junk in da trunk, right? By saving it, I mean dishing it out to the next guy who’s decent enough to help me break the rules and regulations of Club Celibacy. Here’s to hoping the next guy I date doesn’t appear as a member of a teen pron chat group in a Google search. I’m not gonna close up shop till marriage or anything, because that could be a VERY LONG TIME. And let’s face it; even with a drawer full of battery charged goodness I don’t have that kind of patience.
How was your weekend?
The biggest thing I accomplished on Saturday was eating 3 ice cream sandwiches in under 2 hours. The biggest thing I accomplished on Sunday was walking to a neighborhood park to swing.
I need to pick me up some MISSION ACCOMPLISHED sweatpants. Those are still in stock, right?
I am relieved to hear about that drawer of yours.
My nephew has not yet commented on my tits but I really figure it’s only a matter of time.
do blowjobs count as sex?
Personally, I think every blowjob should knock off one from your overall total.
Also, your nieces sound like my kind of girls!
I’ll make sure to forward this post onto your sister’s bishop so we can take care of the “issues” with your nieces
Why didn’t you buy the sweats? They are sassy, sexy, and make celibacy look fun!
Sweaty. In a good way. Not in THE good way, but… in a good way. You know.
You know, there are worse things to be known for than having great big juggs.
I have just realized that I say “you know” with alarming frequency.
My comment decided to turn into a blog post but it won’t be until later because I have to load the dishwasher, sweep the floor, and make dinner… and secretly wish I was sprawled out in the sunshine with nobody needing me to take care of them for a couple of hours.
I’m always terrified that some toddler in the gym locker room is going to stare at and make a comment about my boobs, but so far it hasn’t happened yet. You’ve just reinforced my fear, however. Oh well; at least the kid won’t be anyone related to me.
I remember when I met you I held my hands above my head and yelled “Boobies bid!” You weren’t amused. No, not at all.
sprizee,
Be proud of your ice cream sandwich accomplishment!
I’m going to take my niece to the park this week so I can get my swing on.
sizzle,
The boobie thing doesn’t bother me. However, I wouldn’t feel the same if she discovered that drawer of mine!
Crystal,
Yes, but anal doesn’t. (I don’t make the rules.)
punchlinewalking,
I’m all over that! It may even make me like a virgin!
meggypoo,
I did and you have the photo to prove it!
Thérèse,
I say “just like my vagina” with alarming frequency.
rockandcookies,
I can’t wait to read it!
Our dishwasher has been broken for more than a week. I’m going CRAZY!
stefanie,
Ooo! I’ve had that at the gym, too! Here in Utah people don’t actually change in the locker room, they change in one of two private curtained changing rooms or the bathroom stalls. Lame. I’m not down with that. I could care less if I change in a locker room. That’s what it’s for! I also horrify good Mormon children with my tattoos. Oh joy!
yournamehere,
I can’t even count the number of times that has happened.
Your niece’s fixation with your juggs is giving me fits of laughter and major curiosity.
I think you can claim emeritus status in the club you mentioned, thereby keeping your title as president.
Nice!