“You ruined my chances with a woman.”
“Like a woman you were on a date with?”
(Insert vague reference using the words “woman” and “house.”)
“Well, that’s weird since we haven’t even met. How exactly did I ruin your chances?”
“She saw your picture on my computer-”
“Stop the bus! Did you just say she saw my picture on your computer?”
“Yeah.”
“Which one?”
“The cute one, with the GOOD GIRL knuckles.”
“You are SO my new stalker! We haven’t even met and you’re using pictures from my dating profile as your desktop background?”
“It makes me smile.”
“I hope you didn’t let her see the creepy stalker shrine you must be building.”
“Of course not.”
“Did you light a candle before you called me?”
(Silence)
wow. just think how easy he would be to pussywhup if you actually met. you could totally get a corvette out of the deal, i bet.
Were you at all creeped out by that? I remember that happening with on line dating back in my heyday. Wow, I am suddenly so glad I don’t have to date!
ok, i am totally an asshole. go check my blog.
Crystal,
Corvette? Seriously? The last guy didn’t even pick up my cup of coffee. Not like it’s the end of the world or anything, he’s the only one who hasn’t…so I thought it strange.
Sizzle,
He asked if I want to go on a hike or to a gallery, you know, in case he doesn’t feel like talking to me.
Crystal,
If by asshole you mean my newest BFF, then yeah, you’re a total asshole!
On a hike? Away from other people who could hear your screams? DON’T DO IT!
Does this mean I should be wary of men who show up for dates with lotion, rope and duct tape?
Pants-
If it’s lotion, rope and duct tape alone, it’s cause for alarm. But if they bring some K-Y, you’re good.
RUN!
Book. Let’s go.
Give it a rest?!?! Are you crazy? Online dating is the best. Okay, once you get past the fact that you will most likely be single and alone forever, and all that, etc etc. I mean, it’s at that transcendent state of nihilism that you see that no greater resource for comedy gold exists than through the profiles of humanity’s least attractive people. And yes, I count myself in that group. Why cry alone when we can laugh together, I always say. Don’t underestimate the blessed miracle that is Internet dating.
Wow! Really strange! I don’t know if it’s time to call it off yet or not, but I bet it definitely makes it tough! Good Luck!
megatropolis,
What if it’s a guitar, rope and duct tape?
lostinutah,
Too tired to run.
sprizee,
I hope I haven’t scared you by bombarding you with that ginormous, rambling, email last night!
Porty,
Why cry alone when we can laugh forever? I like that.
I wish we had Crazy Blind Date here.
Rachel,
Yuppers. Also makes it kinda funny…though sometimes depressing.
Guitar?!? Those 3 key elements equal one thing… PARTY TIME! IF you had mentioned that before, I would have told you to propose!
I gave up online dating (and pretty much dating in general) some months ago. Is 9:40 a.m. too early for a cocktail?
There should be a place called “Restraining Order City”, you know, like Check City, that gets your restraining order for you in under five minutes. Even better, you should be able to get one on-line without a background check.
I made the serendipitous discovery of your blog the other night, the same night, in fact, when you were lamenting your soul mate’s lack of urgency in finding you and exploring your options with your fellow bloggers. I, too, believe in soul mates, so I apologize this took so long. I hesitated after this post for fear of being labelled a stalker.
You correctly surmised that I was in a loveless relationship. In fact, as you (tee hee) hoped, I am recently divorced. I have looked at but not placed any profiles on any internet dating sites. I hope you don’t mind me using your blog to introduce myself.
I love peanut butter in all its wonderful forms and combinations, cooking, zombies, serial killers and vampires, scary movies late at night, Law and Order, children’s laughter, making people laugh unexpectedly after they’ve taken a drink of something, long drives with good company, the right perfume on the right girl, cold, crisp sheets, and breakfast at noon.
I promise I’m not a douchebag stalker. I just didn’t know what dating site you were on to find you. I’m technologically challenged so I’m not sure how you get back to me. What the hell, kirkkarhu@yahoo.com or do you prefer a phone number?
I forgot to mention the most important thing–I put ice cubes in milk, too! I thought I was the only one who did that. You can’t let the ice cubes melt either, can you?
I’ll stop now.
firstly, the dude/stalker sounds like a winner.
secondly, looks like someone *hellomynameis* has the hots for you…
I love moonlit walks on sandy beaches and looking at people through my cammo print binoculars.
Speaking of stalkers…
If you need to go into hiding, you can camp out in my tree house.
There’s some cool stuff going down here on this blog. I shouldn’t take virtual naps anymore.