Three days later, I am happy to have officially survived both the death flu and the ending of my most recent, be it brief, relationship. I feel more upbeat, happy and generally OK than I thought I would. Oddly enough, I think I have the death flu to thank for this. One of my friends suggested that my violent stomach flu was actually my body purging myself of Him. I thought she was wrong but it turns she was right.
Today I ran across an old episode of This American Life that focused on breakups. I almost didn’t listen to it because I was afraid that if I did, I would realize that I’m not really as OK as I feel; that the sad-break-up-bunny would hop up behind me and smack me on the back of the head, a la Little Bunny Foo Foo.
Now that I’ve listened to it, I’m really glad I didn’t wimp out. This American Life confirmed what I thought might be happening; I am totally OK. (Whew!) Sure, I liked him. Sure, I’m disappointed. But what I have learned this time around, is that carefully and responsibly entering into a relationship makes surviving an ending a lot easier. I didn’t throw myself into him in the same way I have with others. Intimacy doesn’t equal verbal diarrhea of childhood traumas and previous hurts. Sure, there is a time and place for sharing our experience. Just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean you need to cut your heart open for them. At least not at first. Which is too bad for him; he didn’t even get to hear some of my really good family stories; like the time my uncle faked his death. Or when that uncle died (the second time – HA!), there was a large stink made about viewing the body. Oh yeah, that’s a goodie…and not even half of it.
During the first act of This American Life I cringed inside and braced for tears when they played a clip of The Magnetic Fields song “I Don’t Want to Get Over You.” Oh how I love that song and OH was I ever relieved not to break down in tears at the sound of Stephin Merritt’s holy-fucking-shit deep voice; the sadness that would have been! 
<— (click this link to hear a clip)
Music can play such a dangerous role during the time following a breakup. It can be such trivial shit, too. For example, there was a time when I couldn’t hear that goddamned Cobra Starship song “Snakes on a Plane (Bring It).” I’m not even talking about the tears you would expect one to respond with (painful tears related to the horrific quality of the music and movie), it was the post breakup tears that come when feel like you might die without the love and affection of someone who is no longer in your life.
Then you wake up one day and hear that song and it makes you laugh. Or you accidentally run into that person in the grocery store and you realize how fucking foolish you were to have pined over them to begin with. So, here’s to meeting the guy who will not only appreciate me, but will know what to fucking do with my sassy ass once he has me! I know he’s out there, we just have to find each other.
sorry! wrong blogger account.
Why is it I find myself having to resist this overwhelming urge to fix you up with awesome guys, and cursing the fact that you live out west? It’s a sickness.
I can totally relate to that last paragraph! (…the former blogger that shall not be named….) But, I’m sorry it didn’t work out. That is the suck.
While I was sweating out the 102 degrees fevery dreams I thought it was so suck that I might not make it…but really, turns out not to be that bad after all. Plus I’m already talking to new guys!
Wanting to fix me up with awesome guys is an adorable sickness. Much appreciated!
I often found that running right out and getting with new guys was the best way to cure a broken heart. And it really did work wonders. But now that I’ve had my first ever longer-than-a-year relationship (it’s been longer than two years now, actually), I think if I were to go through another break up I’d take a big break from the whole thing and just enjoy being single. Not that I’m wishing for that or anything.
When healing from something serious it takes me a bit longer…previous to meeting my most recent experiment I took a reallllly long break. I learned a lot about myself and what I need in a significant other.
Break ups are never easy but sometimes they are freeing. I’ve had my share, that’s for sure. But you’ve got a good attitude about it. That’s good!
And there is a guy out there who will know what to do with your sassy ass. I worried I’d never find the one to “handle” me but I have.
Hey man: love the blog. Life is pants..,.
isnt melliferous something to do with honey? wouldn’t honeycoated pants be rather sticky? (well whatever turns you on…)
sounds rather inconvenient to me…
have a charming st-drink-as-much-guinness-as-you-can-and-still-make-it-to-work-tomorrow-day if celebrating
;->…
Glad that you are over the flu and over the dude. Now you can celebrate Pi day a little late.
Oh, by the way, PINCH! Happy St. Patty’s Day!!!
wow flu AND break up??
God is hilarious.
you know you are always welcome to come to our place for Arlo’s dessert and reality-TV.
Sizzle,
I’m more surprised than anyone about my good attitude!
Gledwood,
Er, is it awkward to say that someone I used to know called me honey pants?
The Grunt,
I’m celebrating Pi day with a giant bottle of water.
Crystal,
Yeah, God’s a fucking comedian.
ak,
Aw, thanks AK!
I like your take on this whole thing. You sound very optimistic. I think you had some really good times with this guy and that’s something to take with you and build upon.
The right guy will find you because you’re a catch. You’ve got a lot going for you. From the tone of the past few entries, you seem much different than when past relationships soured. Good on you.
Thanks Egan! Good on me? I like that.
Glad the death flu is over and your digestive system is in good shape. More glad that your heart is in good shape too!
What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger, right? Totally dehydrated, but stronger.
Sorry to hear about the break-up, but getting back in the saddle sounds like the right approach. It’s all about putting the dating mojo into the universe, I always say.
Oh yeah… you know what else makes us stronger? Hanging out with a group of fun and supportive bloggers in Philadelphia on May 3rd. TequilaCon? No? Maybe?
Yes, “good on you” is my new fave expression. En garde!