Last night I hopped into my ride and hit the snowy roads. I was wearing what I call my “sleeping bag,” three-quarter length, down parka, as it was freezing.
A few minutes into my drive the heater kicked in and I reached for my zipper, only it would not budge. Thinking it was caught on the edge of the parka, I pulled the zipper up a bit to free it from the fabric pulled into the zipper. I felt a surge of panic when I realized the zipper was not stuck, but BROKEN!
I safely pulled over to the side of the road and started freaking out. The zipper would not budge and I began to feel as if the snug neck were choking me. My failed attempts to escape my (formerly) beloved parka left me borderline hysterical. While trying to pull it over my neck/head (like a sweater) it really did get stuck and the real HYSTERIA began. I wasn’t stuck for very long before it was off…I laughed so hard that tears came. It’s a good thing I didn’t choke myself: death by parka would surely have landed me in the Darwin Awards.
DUUDE.
I totally wish you lived next door to me, too!!! …I probably wouldn’t shovel your driveway, but I would definitely drink with you and invite you over for food all the time. Mmm..foood….
Anyway, I have a pants story for you, since you’re a pantsy kinda gal.
My twins (boys, for your readers who don’t know me) are 7 now…and we are a little weird at my house. Well, one morning I was trying to herd them toward readiness for school, when without looking at him I reminded Max to get his pants on. “I’m wearing pants, Mom!” He was standing right next to me, so I glanced down and discovered he was buck naked, with a small blanket around his shoulders. Without thinking, I voiced the sarcasm in my head, “Yeah, your PENIS pants!” I felt pretty bad about that, and of course they laughed and laughed and I went with it, “Doot-da-doot, I love wearing my penis pants!” So then, dead serious, Oliver says, “Mom, you don’t have penis pants. You have VAGINA pants.” This caught me way more off-guard than it probably should have (since I did start the whole thing…) and I lost it. I was laughing so hard it hurt. So…now…I’m ashamed to admit that little term has made it into my HomeGrown CussWords lexicon…and my friends all use it, too. Examples of use: Boy, I’d sure like to try on HIS penis pants! winka-winka. Or, He was being a total penispants!
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
Would you like to give DCFS my address?
You are so awesome. Please move to Seattle soon.
Pants, you are too funny.
And way too smart for the Darwin Awards!
After a really crappy night, and a cranky commute here this morning, this made my day. Thanks for the chuckle!
Bored,
I’m totally wearing my vagina pants right now!
DCFS? Ha ha!
sprizee,
I need to make a tirp to Seattle.
Anonymous,
Thanks!
Curly Glamour Girlie,
You are most welcome!
Yes, please do make a trip here. I need another reason to visit Pike Place Market.
That feeling of not being able to slip the parka over your head, oh not so good. I’m glad you could laugh about it.
If only I’d thought to take a picture of myself, it could’ve been the next Fully Klothes Thursday snapshot. Dammit!