Incredibly bitchy observations from forty-five minutes in my cell phone provider’s store and a wasted afternoon with their customer service department.
According to the sales rep, it’s impossible that my cell phone does not work at my home because his zip code map says I have excellent coverage. Praise Jesus! A drawing says my phone doesn’t drop phone calls every ten seconds? Silly me, I’ll go home, drop some more calls and start cutting myself.
The sales rep followed up his convincing explanation of what a map is with, “The good news is, you’re qualified for a free phone and new contract.” Well color me happy! More crappy service and a longer contract?! Please! Sign me up! Do you know where I can pick up some syphilis? I think I want some of that too.
Then a Sprint miracle happened: a technician was dispatched to my address! He confirmed that I live in a bad cell reception area, they’ve submitted information about my dead zone and will possibly repair the problem in one to two years. Oh, and they’ve made note of this on my account.
THANK YOU SPRINT FOR NOTING THAT I HAVE SHITTY COVERAGE AND MUST LEAVE MY RESIDENCE TO USE MY PHONE. THIS REALLY MAKES ME WARM INSIDE. SERIOUSLY, I’M ABOUT TO NEED A FRESH PAIR OF PANTS.
Then I had the privilege of holding for so long that I had to hang up in the name of bladder infection avoidance. This certainly didn’t fuel my anger the next time I called back.
The first line of customer service offense is to employ “representatives” who speak English, but so mumbled I couldn’t understand a freaking word. Seriously, three minutes with this person and I have no idea if it was a man or woman. For all I know, I could have been Boo from Monsters Inc.
Just in case I didn’t get enough of the shitty cell phone ring music, I got to hear it AGAIN! AND AGAIN! For a long time! Seriously, it was worse than Muzak. It got so bad I would have been happy to hear anything with words and actual instruments. Even Celine Dion would have made me happy. (I never in my life thought I would type the previous sentence. Someone please intervene if I start speaking positively about that Cathy bitch and Family Circus.)
I really liked leaving my information with the first, second and third customer service reps! It’s really nice to repeat my account numbers, passwords and detailed explanation of my problem each time I’m transferred to a new embodiment of Satan. I thrive on this type of effective customer service.
And yes, I do think “that’s crap” is an appropriate response when you say something ridiculous. Same goes for “I don’t believe you.” Yes, I’m flipping you off from my end of the phone. You watch out next time you tell me something that angers me. It could be the second time you tell me that I signed a really bad contract. I’m not afraid to bust out the I’m-rubber-you’re-glue defense.
To make myself feel better about the whole stupid exchange I made an M&M character of the final woman who “helped” me today.
The map also shows how to find gold where the X is located. Find that X and you won’t need a cell phone. If you can locate the end of a rainbow, that might also work. Sorry you provider is so shitty. I know you and I have the same carrier and I’m thankful I’m not in one those “dead zone” areas. And can I vouch for you somehow about this phone thing?
If I found the pot of gold I’d walk in to the Sprint store and chuck $150 of gold coins at the counter.
My next plan of action will be faking my own death to get out of this damn contract. I know someone who faked their own death…to bad he’s dead (for real this time), I could ask him for some pointers.
Hey pants, please tell me your contract is up. I experienced the same amount of crappy “customer service” when I was a sprint customer. I have fond memories of sending them an email thru their special customer service email program and them sitting on that email ONE MONTH before responding. And then, after I cancelled my service, two weeks down the road they called me and asked if I was a happy Sprint customers. Ummm, I cancelled two weeks ago, remember? Unless you people can time travel this call is a wee bit too late.
Now I have T-Mobile and the customer service has pretty really great. My mom has Verizon and I called them last week to help her with a phone issue and their customer service was really great too. So don’t put up with that crap anymore. Life is too short to hand your hard-earned money a bunch of smartypanted asshats with glossy maps and expired cellphone batteries for brains.
Hey Sprint? Bite me.
….if, if, if, … he was alive that might work. In the meantime we best create a diversion.
Oy. Bastards.
Well Pantsy, at least you’re passive-aggressively imagining horrible things to do to her.
Something to be said for that.
sprizee,
Oh my God, I WISH. If my contract were up I would have walked into the Sprint Store and lit my phone on fire.
I asked the satanic rep for an address to write a letter expressing my dissatisfaction with their services…she directed me to the same online email bullshit. They make trying to communicate with them into an mine field of retardation. I finally got so pissed I gave up. I think I’m going to persist with their 800 number until I get a physical address so I can send an old school, scathing letter.
My family have Verizon and they have nothing but good things to say. Which I think will be my next move.
egan,
If by diversion you start posting really mean things about their company online, I’m all over it.
Thérèse,
That’s true.
Verizon has been responsible for some moments of mental instability for me but that was on the land line, the DSL and the cell phone accounts have been GREAT.
I so want pictures when you finally lose your mind and attack them in their offices. Maybe take some photos on your free upgraded phone?
:p
I think Alltel does something where they can help you switch without incurring the wrath of Sprint. I could be wrong though.
Logophile,
When I finally lose it, I will be sure to document.
Curly Glamour Girlie,
Hm…that’s something to look into . Thanks for the suggestion!
how many other posts are labeled “vomit”? just curious.
That is so horrible!!!
I went thru something similar with Cingular about two years ago. I waited my contract out. The bastards!
…then, about a year ago a similar issue with TMobile. …that time, I told the ass-hole customer service rep to fuck himself (I know. but I did) and, then I sold some clothes and paid off/out of my contract.
Ironically, now I’m with SPRINT. But, for now it is OK because in the Castro SPRINT gets the best service so it works.
I wish I were Ralph Nader. Well, no. I don’t. But, I wish I had his ability to totally rock the corporate infrastructures and partially take back the night.
Instead, I take to cursing people out in really shitty jobs and then selling off my clothes to just “lose” ‘em.
Still, it felt good to do that. Tho, I do miss that GUESS shirt!
Sending you a hug.
I love the picture of the bitch who helped you. Too bad we don’t have an after picture! LOL!
sweetviolet,
I believe there are four.
matty,
That’s kind of how I ended up with Sprint! When I was living in Oakland my old service (Cingular) stopped working in my apartment…I do crisis intervention and need to be available and Sprint was the only service that worked, so I went with them. I’ve had them for nearly five years now and until recently had been happy. I guess it’s just how the cookie crumbles. I got flaming mad at the Cingular people, when I went through this with them. I think I told the final “customer service” person that she was a “very bad woman”. Way to throw out the adult insults, eh?
It looks like I’ll end up doing the same and paying to get out of my contract. Except I’ll be selling books.
Oh, if I had any (of value) left — I would volunteer some clothing to buy out your contract.
I would so be freaking out given why you need your phone!
Last time this happen’d to me I was job hunting. Not like trying to save the lives of others.
You’d think they would work more with you on that score. I suppose you mentioned that you would be alerting your sister at CNN and your editor friends at both The Chronicle and SF Gate to the situation and their inability to resovle it for a Crisis Intervention employee who needs an active cell phone to save lives?
…as this would make for a most interesting human interest story about the compassion of Corporate America.
(it could work!)
Give ‘em hell, Ms. Pants!
You can get out of your contract if it charges you for roaming — see http://consumerist.com/consumer/cellphones/cancel-sprint-without-early-termination-fee-over-roaming-rate-change-267570.php for details. And please tell me you’re successful!
Oh wow. You just put into words everything I think and feel when I deal with my cable company! It’s not normal for my internet and cable to go out every hour, people!!!