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I received this birthday card in the mail today from my former pain master chiropractor. What a douche. After our last exchange it would have meant more if he’d taken the time to personalize it with an obscenity or a plea to drain every penny from my bank account in the name of subluxations.
The ever lovely Sofi sent me the following list and intructions to add em up! I came up with $505.50. How about you?
Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace – $25
Had sex for money — $100
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed — $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed someone whose name you didn’t know — $.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
Went skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral — $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend — $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25
i’m a little embarassed- $760.
$525.60
I was saving this post for a rainy day, but winter in Miami is pretty sunny, so I’m glad you were able to use it.
You know the question about being in the same room while someone was having sex? I think we all have a story on that topic. Uh, sounds like another post to me.
This is the dude you used last year that sucked ass right? I can’t believe he’d send out a birthday card. I recall you really not liking that guy.
$13.25
Egan’s a big fat liar.
Where’s my calculator. Do you have to add in EVERY instance, or does once cover it?
OK. so, i’m not sure how I feel.
I made $805.05
…does this mean i’m a total male whore/slut/deviant …or just really cool?
…or really sad.
Oh dear.
I’m having an anxiety attack.
I guess it could be worse. …I could be catholic.
But, hey, Happy Birthday! And, your gorgeous!!!!
miss kendra,
Not embarassing- fun! Try as I might last night, I wasn’t able to increase my total- boo!
Sofi,
Thank you for sharing!
Can’t wait to read your in the same room while someone was having sex story- I wrote about mine here.
egan,
Oh my god, I HATED HIM. Total assclown.
Übermilf,
I think once covers it…otherwise mine might be a little higher.
matty,
Oh, and thank you!
No, it makes you a lot of fun! If you really wanted it to be worse…you could be Mormon like me! Well, I’m not really Mormon anymore…just technically speaking. Given my religious upbringing I’m surprised my number’s not a bit higher. Looks like I have my work cut out for me tonight!
is that one really supposed to be $.10, or is it $10?
…I think I entered 5 cents for one instead of $5. oh well. …makes me seem classier!!!
Can’t wait to hear how much you ring up over the course of the weekend!!!!
i’m a little embarrassed — my total’s like 5 bucks. holy crap i’m a loser.
$515.50. i think conor is miffed that my score is higher.
I am not as wild as I make out to be be online.. a paltry $305.50
I’m a little dirty. $605. Hope you had a great birthday!
I would never lie about something so important on Pants’ blog. I’m above that.
Hope your birthday was happy. Who am I kidding. I hope your birthday was a drunken adventure!
I rocked a whole $440.50, if I recall correctly (I’m too lazy to actually check Sarah’s post on it).
Thanks for the balls, Pants.
I thought $305 was bad. If you changed it such that all these things were performed after the age of 24, I’d be well under $50
sweetviolet,
I dunno.
matty,
Sadly, I didn’t do ANYTHING this weekend to increase my total.
kris,
Come on now, the original cat humper’s score has to be a teeny bit higher…
sweetviolet,
Tee hee!
The Moviequill,
Not as wild as you make out to be? I don’t believe it.
Burr-ee-toe,
Thanks, I did have a great birthday!
egan,
Of course you are!
sarahbellum,
Drunken indeed!
conor,
You’re most welcome for the balls!
Vanessa,
I hadn’t thought of it that way…
175.50 I am so sheltered.
$475–I feel so let down. I’m making a goal to take this quiz again in 30 days and get $600. My mom always said it was good to have goals.
Ok, I’m a little late: really late, but I put up a whole $390.50
sleep with me