I was recently asked about my experience with internet dating. For some reason the question caught me off guard and I weaseled out of giving a real answer. So here are some of my more interesting (bad) internet dating experiences.
Dry Icky Tongue Guy
After a very dull date this guy poked his dry, scratchy tongue in my mouth. It was totally gross. I was really confused as to why he thought this was an appropriate thing to do given that our date was devoid of chemistry. Zero promise. I don’t have a brother, but if I did, I imagine kissing him would feel close to the kiss Dry Icky Tongue Guy gave me. Yeck.
Sexually Confused Guy
For this date we met two of my friends at club for a show. He was a very nice guy but obviously VERY confused about his sexual orientation. Within two minutes at the club my girlfriend dragged me to the bathroom to ask why I was on a date with a gay guy.
Control Issues Guy
This guy was really excited to meet in person. We talked on the phone after the normal amount of email banter. He wasn’t all that personable on the phone but then again, not everyone is. I thought it would be worth meeting him in person. Until he started calling, a lot. And on Valentine’s Day.
His messages grew more and more strange. The whole thing began to stink of desperation. I started to feel bad about meeting him in person so I sent him a very polite brush off email. I could have said dude you are freaking me out, I suggest you seek therapy. Or I could have just ignored him. But I thought the email was the respectable way to go.
He went ape shit. He immediately changed his profile to a nutty I HATE LYING BITCHES theme. Then he replied to my letter with an entire page of threatening nonsense. Here are the high(low)lights:
- I am a tease and I shouldn’t lead people on.
- I should really be more careful who I mess around with because you never know when someone is going to do something.
- I was lucky “this time” but I might not be so lucky “next time.”
- Then he suggested that if he weren’t such a nice guy he would (illegally) obtain personal information about me from his work (he worked for my cell phone company) and STALK me.
Um yea, that’s not exactly what I’d call being a nice guy, Mr. Control Issues Guy.
Wow!
You beat my worst story! That last one gave me the chills!
Girl, I’d say stick with the gay guys, you might find a really good looking, great shopper, loves “chick” flick guy who’s confused about his sexuality!
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. To those in fear, everything rustles.
Well, at least you didn’t meet “Likes to Dress Up as a Pirate While Singing Bochelli” guy. Which reminds me, I should really take my profile down.
I went out with “Religious Zealot Girl” who liked to get up early to “spend time with Jesus” and then I dated “Using Me for a Chauffer Girl” who liked to use me for a chauffer.
Oh please I beat you all.
I married a mommy’s boy. Those are worse than anything else on this planet.
I will say though that Mr Control Issues guy would want to watch what he was saying because those kinds of threats can get you fired…
Deb