Pants, pants, PANTS!

Relationship red flags (or in some cases, RED BLANKETS):

1. His mom (or sister) does his laundry
2. His mom (or sister) buys his groceries
3. He is living with his parents (in a non-temporary situation)
4. “That’s not how my mom does it” is his blanket response to my cooking
5. He has his ex-girlfriends name tattooed on his body
6. He jokingly says the tattoo of his ex-girlfriends name is actually his (fictitious) dead sisters name, then starts referring to it as “it sounded like a good idea at the time”
7. He shows no interest in having “it sounded like a good idea at the time” reworked or removed
8. He still talks to “it sounded like a good idea at the time” on a regular basis
9. Only children don’t always make the best boyfriends
10. He has a lot of “platonic” female friends staying at his place for extended amounts of time
11. He’s been active on internet dating sites the entire time we’ve been in a supposedly monogamous relationship
12. He has unresolved issues from childhood and refuses to address them
13. Long distance relationships are more likely fail than succeed
14. Munchies Kids Mix are NOT one of the basic food groups
15. Rule of thumb for internet dating: If he says he’s 5’7″ he’s most likely 5’4 1/2″ (without shoes)
16. Drunk dialing to sing I Saw Red three weeks into a new relationship is creepy, not romantic
17. Blacking out is not a boastful quality
18. Both of his parents are alcoholics and he’s acquiring DUI’s of his own
19. “So are we gonna fuck or what?” is not a promising beginning to a first date
20. His name is only one syllable (suggestions from Evil Pants)
21. And last, but certainly not least: If he says he doesn’t deserve me, he probably doesn’t