When I get bored I write letters. Here is a letter I sent to the makers of Cheez-Its, exactly as I sent it. Well, except it had my real name instead of Melliferous Pants.
October 22, 2003
Sunshine Biscuits, L.L.C.
P.O. Box CAMB
Battle Creek, MI 49016-1986Subject: Cheez-It Baked Snack Crackers
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing you as a loyal Cheez-It snacking customer. When I am hungry after a work out or during my work day I often reach for a bag of Cheez-It’s. Our snack vendor has conveniently stocked our machine with a row of Cheez-It’s, which leads me to my concern…
The reason I am writing is to express my concern about the size (or lack of) of the 1.5 oz bag of Cheez-It’s. Almost immediately my snack bag of Cheez-Its is gone, and if a co-worker asks for a bite, forget about it! Which leads me to the ever looming quandary of box versus snack portion. Through years of experience I have learned the slogan “Get Your Own Box” rings true. But once I get my own box, I eat it! Yet, the 1.5 oz bag doesn’t seem sufficient for my snacking needs.
Please contact me at your earliest convenience, I would love to find a solution to my Cheez-It issues!
Respectfully yours,
Melliferous Pants
Yeah. Why do they only put approximately seven crackers in those anyway? For a whole dollar? Geez.
I like cheese-Its with peanut butter.
I also like your blog. I wonder if I’d like your blog with peanut butter…
Did you ever receive a response?
Nope. I also wrote to Bonne Bell when they discontinued my favorite lip smacker, they sent me a big ass catalog and told me to order their new shit.