Pants, pants, PANTS!

I realized it’s not babies that have been bugging me but the amount they are discussed around me. After awhile anything excessive can be irritating.

Here are a few things (some okay in moderation, some not at all) that also have the potential to irritate:

• You’ve found God. You feel it necessary to tell me where you’re going when you die and where I’m not going, unless I drink your Kool-Aid.

• Pot and the important role it plays in your life as the cure all for: tummy aches, head aches, PMS, depression (but it IS a depressant), decongestant and sore throat relief. (Huh? What about all the smoke?)

• Negativity pants – one upping every less than upbeat story I share because everything you experience is far worse than my experience.

• Your friend has a great single son you’d love to set me up with, it’s okay he’s not really religious, he just pretends to be religious.

• You’re dying to lose weight and constantly complain about it, even while shoving your face full of late night snacks, toast, pasta, sugar coated cereal and fast food.

• The awesome splendor of classic car refurbishing and how you’d rub your dick on your *old-school-whatever-it-is-that-you-can’t-drive-anywhere-without-it-breaking-down* every second of the day, instead of rubbing your dick on me (your now ex-girlfriend) for two seconds.