Pants, pants, PANTS!

We celebrated bridal shower fun on Sunday…I was really excited that my maid of honor, Stephanie, was able to make it up at the last minute. We had an incredibly perfect weekend, save for being hungover on Saturday morning.

Stephanie, Mike and I made it to 3 DIs on Saturday, well 4 DIs if you count going back to one twice to pick up the adorable $20 dresser Mike spotted. I have been desperately in need of a dresser. Hopefully now my clothes will stop gathering themselves on the floor of our bedroom. We also scored an assortment of Pyrex and a cookie jar I haven’t had time to photograph, and an adorable vintage jewelry box; I have been looking for one FOREVER.

Mike and I are both thrilled about getting married but the planning has been really stressful. It was so nice to have Stephanie here, there is something about having a friend around that you’ve known for 21 years…something that just makes everything OK. I really wish we lived a little bit closer so we didn’t have to travel four and a half hours to see each other but at least it’s doable for weekend trips.

The shower was lots of fun. It was nice and small, just like the wedding. At my request we didn’t play any shower games, we just sat around drinking mimosas and bellinis. Everyone seemed to think it was funny when I told them it should be illegal to have a shower without alcohol, including BABY SHOWERS! I don’t really care for the shower games (though I’m sure we’ll play games at my family shower on Saturday - I am considering bringing my new flask!). We ate lots of yummy food, including position of the day cupcakes my sister made, fruit salad with fresh mint (my new favorite), cheese and crackers, French toast bake, and some cupcakes that were so delicious they were evil. Heather made Aztec chocolate cupcakes with chunks of chocolate, almond, and chili so they were just a little bit spicy. I received all sorts of awesome gifts, including a “How to become a real old married lady” kit complete my very own muumuu, disposable panties (how have I lived without them?), gigantic cotton panties, a douche, and aspirin. I think the aspirin is part of the kit so you can grab it when you don’t want to have sex.

The hit of the party was definitely Boy Toy Brad, the blowup doll. Though he’s more of an Enrique so I had to rename him. He spent some time looking out the window of our living room window and seemed to attract some attention from a man in an apartment across the way. Enrique also spent some time in our bed and surprised Mike when he arrived home. Since then he’s been in our roommates bed, hanging from the chandelier, peeking out from behind the flat screen TV, and now he’s hiding out in the coat closet. Too bad it’s so warm that no one will discover him for a while.

Remember how sad and dirty Pig-Pen was in Charlie Brown? I’ve been feeling a bit like him recently. Not literally, more like I’ve had a constant cloud of shame and sadness flying around me. When I get really depressed it takes me a while to recognize it. Then I have this “oh shit” moment where I realize just how sad I’ve been, then I’m able to move on.

Looking back on the past three months it’s no wonder I’ve been depressed. We’ve had a lot to get through but I’m finally feeling better. (THANK GOD.) I’m sure I’ll have my moments but for the most part I feel less like staying in bed all day.

I have plenty to keep me busy. The wedding is only 2 months away. (YIKES!) I am super excited for the wedding and cannot wait to marry Mike. I just want all the little details to go smoothly between now and then. So I’m making GIGANTIC lists and attempting to accomplish tasks, check them off, and restart the whole freaking list process so I can feel like I’m getting things done.

Switching gears: I read an insightful post that compares domestic violence in America to the swine flu. There are so many people within our own communities that need help, yet the issues we (and our media) gravitate toward are potentially global issues that likely will not affect us. It made me want to sit down and write but I do not have time and I certainly couldn’t have said any of it better. I’m going to repost it below and here is a direct link to the original post.

“52 Days of Domestic Violence Flu in America”
By Casey Gwinn, Esq.

This week I have been reflecting on those that would choose to ignore the importance of dealing with domestic violence in America. After over 30 years of the modern domestic violence movement, we still struggle for funding, we face budget cuts and reductions when the economy goes bad (though domestic violence rises) and we rarely are the primary focus of public policy makers in America. This week the news is consumed with coverage of the swine flu, an important public health issue in America. As of May 2, there have been 167 confirmed cases of the swine flu in the United States and one death. But there has been little news about the mass killings of 68 people across America in the last 52 days, with men doing all the killing and virtually all related to men with a history of violence against women.

Public health officials in the United States fear a global pandemic from the so-called H1-N1 virus. A pandemic is defined as a global outbreak of disease that causes serious illness or death and then spreads easily from person to person worldwide. Pandemics differ from seasonal outbreaks of an illness. The news today quoted many officials talking about high levels of illness, death, social disruption, and economic loss from pandemics. We must all be vigilant about addressing swine flu in the days ahead. But the pandemic of violence by men against women, men, and children has killed more people in the last 52 days in America than swine flu. This pandemic has been going on now for hundreds of years causing high levels of mental and physical illness, death, social disruption, and economic loss.

There have been 12 Mass Killings in the last 52 days in the United States. In 10 of the 12, the killer had a history of violence against women. 11 of the 12 were directly related to or defined as domestic violence. 68 people have been killed in those mass killings including 20 children and 7 police officers.

Let’s honor those who have lost their lives by listing them.

March 10 – Michael McLendon, 28, killed ten people, including his mother, grandmother, aunt and uncle, and the wife and child of a local sheriff’s deputy in rural Alabama. He then killed himself. The worst mass killing in the history of Alabama killed: Virginia White, 74; James White, 55; Tracy Wise, 34; Dean Wise, 15; James Starling, 34; Lisa McClendon, Michael’s mom; Bruce Maloy, 51; Andrea Myers, 31; and Corrine Gracy Myers, 18 months.

March 21 – Lovelle Mixon, a parolee with a history of violence against women, sexual assault, and other violent crimes shot and killed four heroic Oakland police officers – Sgt. Mark Dunakin, 40; Officer John Hege, 41, SWAT Sgt. Ervin Romans, 43; and SWAT Sgt. Daniel Sakai, 35 before he was shot and killed by police.

March 29 – Robert Stewart, 45, shot and killed eight people at Pinelake Health and Rehab Center in Robbins, North Carolina. He came to the center seeking to kill his wife, Wanda Neal, 43, a nurse’s assistant. She was working in the Alzheimers Unit when he entered the facility and survived after herding residents into the TV Room and locking the door.

March 30 – Devan Kalathat killed six people in a murder-suicide in Santa Clara, California including his children. During his rampage he shot his wife, but she still clings to life in critical condition. Police identified the victims as Kalathat’s children: 11-year-old Akhil Dev and 4-year-old Negha Dev; Kalathat’s brother-in-law Ashok Appu Poothemkandi, 35, Poothemkandi’s wife, Suchitra Sivaraman, 25; and the Poothemkandis’ infant daughter, Ahana Ashok.

April 4 – Pittsburgh police officers Eric Kelly, Stephen Mayhle, and Paul Scuillo were shot and killed responding to a “domestic disturbance” call. They were ambushed by Richard Poplawski when they arrived at the house. Officer Eric Kelly was not on duty. He was on his way home to his wife and three daughters when he heard the call on his radio and responded to support his fellow officers.

April 5 – James Harrison killed his five children in Pierce County, WA while his wife was at work. Police confirmed that the couple had a domestic violence incident earlier in the day and the wife had left. The husband demanded that she return and while she was away he methodically shot Maxine, Samantha, Heather, Jamie, and James. The first four children were shot in their beds. The last child was shot as she was running toward the bathroom.

April 5 – Kirby Revelus, 23, killed his 17 year old sister, Samantha and his five year old sister, Bianca. Police officers responding to a domestic violence incident shot and killed him as he was trying to kill his 9 year old sister Sarafina.

April 7 – Kevin Garner fled Greenville, Alabama late in the afternoon after setting fire to his wife’s home and car. Hours later, police found his wife and daughter, and her sister and her sister’s son shot to death inside the burning home. Garner later shot himself before being apprehended.

April 10 – Two students at Henry Ford Community College were found dead in a murder-suicide in the Fine Arts Building on campus in Dearborn, Michigan. Police determined that Anthony Powell, 28, killed Asia McGowan, 20 with a shotgun and then turned the gun on himself.

April 18 – Christopher Allan Wood, 34, an accountant for a railroad operator, killed his wife, Frances, and his three children in Middletown, Maryland before taking his own life with gunshot to the head. Chandler was 5 years old, Gavin was 4, and his daughter, Fiona, was 2 years old when she was shot and stabbed by her Dad.

April 19 – William Parente, 59, killed his wife, Betty, 58, and daughters Catherine, 11, and Stephanie, 19 before killing himself in Garden City, New York. Each of the victims was killed by asphyxiation and blunt force trauma.

April 25 – University of Georgia professor George Zinkhans shot and killed his wife, Marie Bruce, and two of her friends from a local community theatre group in Bogart, Georgia. Two others were seriously injured by bullet fragments. Her two murdered colleagues were: Ben Teague, 63, and Tom Tanner, 40. More than 200 police officers are currently searching for him the dense woods near Bogart, 60 miles east of Atlanta. Police believe Marie was preparing to get a restraining order, file for divorce, and leave him after a history of domestic violence.

So, we are not done in the effort to stop family violence in America. We all must re-double our efforts to raise awareness, call for more resources in the war by men against women and children. We must call it what it is…it is not Violence Against Women. It is most often Violence By Men Against Women. All the killers in the mass killings of the last 52 days have been men.

The next time you hear someone say they cannot afford to keep a Family Justice Center or domestic violence shelter program open because of the economy, ask them to read this article. Next time, you hear someone say that we don’t need any new, evolving, innovative approaches to family violence prevention because our current service delivery models are doing the job well; ask them to read the list of 68 names from the 52 bloody days of domestic violence in 2009. Don’t be silent; don’t let elected officials, or policy makers, or bureaucrats, or disinterested community members ignore the tragedy of domestic violence. We must address swine flu in America and around the world but we must also take guns away from men who are violent and start spending the time, energy, and money necessary to stop the pandemic of violence by men against women that is destroying families, killing women, men, and children, and continuing to destroy the lives of so many.

(Casey Gwinn is the former San Diego City Attorney who founded the internationally recognized San Diego Family Justice Center which is credited with reducing domestic violence homicides in San Diego by over 60%. He currently serves as the President of the National Family Justice Center Alliance which is developing specialized, multi-agency Centers to stop domestic violence across the United States. For more information, go to www.familyjusticecenter.org).

Permission Granted for Reproduction of This Blog In All Appropriate Forums